These Jokes Are So Plane, But They’re Still Funny!

A man boards a plane and sits down in his spot. Beside him was a very well-to-do looking man in an expensive suit. The man thought that it would be nice to be that rich and sat down as the plane took off. Around 15 minutes into the flight, the rich man turns and says to the other man: Hello my name’s Bill, this is a long flight and I was wondering if you want to pass the time playing a little game The man responded I’m Fred, what kind of game do you have in mind? A little game of knowledge, I’ll ask you a question and if you don’t know the answer you give me $5. Then you ask me a question, however, if I don’t know the answer to your question I’ll pay you $500 Bill explained. Seems reasonable Fred agreed to the game. Perfect! So, I’ll go first. What is the distance between earth and the Moon? Bill asked. Fred unfortunately did not have the answer. I don’t know he replied as he handed over $5. Sorry pal, the answer is 384 400 kilometres. But now it’s your turn What walks on 2 legs in the morning, 4 in the afternoon and 8 in the evening? Fred riddled. Bill looked stumped. He started to google it and ask his friends but found no solution. Disappointed, Bill handed over $500. Fred then began to relax, having just paid off his plane trip and hotel. Well, Bill began, What’s the answer to your riddle? Fred smiled. No fucking clue and handed Bill $5 [Long] A man boards his plane…

A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a large purple parrot in the seat next to him. The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down the aisle past the man and his seat Mate. Hey, bitch, says the parrot, bring me a whiskey and soda, and make it snappy! The FA looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks back up the aisle, and the parrot Pipes up again, Goddammit, you lazy whore, where’s my whiskey? Hurry it up! Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and returns quickly with the parrot’s drink. Impressed with the parrot’s technique, the man decides to get some quick service for himself. Hey, slut, says the man, get me a dry martini. And don’t drag your sorry ass, I want it right Now! The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. In a moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male flight attendants. The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the emergency door and hurl them both out of the airplane at 20,000 feet. As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot says to the man, Ya know, for someone who can’t fly, you got a lotta balls. A man boards an airliner

A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat, and a wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, Business trip or vacation? The woman turns, smiles and says, Business. I’m going to the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago. The man swallows hard and is instantly crazed with excitement. Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, What’s your business role at this convention? Lecturer, she says. I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality. Really, he says. What myths are those? Well, she explains, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it’s men of Jewish decent. Suddenly, the women becomes very embarrassed and blushes. I’m sorry, she says, I shouldn’t be discussing this with you, I don’t even know your name! Tonto the man says as he extends his hand. Tonto Goldstein. A man boards an airplane…

A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes that she is headed straight toward his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Low and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, So where are you flying to today? She turns and smiles and says, To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago. Whoa! He swallows hard and is instantly CRAZED with excitement. Here’s the most gorgeous woman he’s ever seen, sitting right next to him, and she’s going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, And what’s your role at this convention? She flips her long hair back, turns to him, looks into his eyes, and says, Well, I try to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality. Really , he says, swallowing hard, again. And what myths are those? She explains: Well, one popular myth is that Nigerian men are the most well-endowed, when, in fact, it is the Native American who is most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually the Irish who romance women best, on average. Very interesting the man responds. Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed, and blushes. I’m sorry, she says, I feel so awkward discussing this with you, and I don’t even know your name. The man extends his hand and replies, Tonto………. Tonto Murphy. A beautiful woman on an airplane, headed to a nymphomaniac convention

A man calls an airport. The receptionist answers. Hello. Yes, hello. I have a question. How long is the flight from Los Angeles to Paris? Just a minute. Thanks, says the man and hangs up. So a man calls an airport

A man comes home to find his blonde wife of 15 years packing her suitcase. Where do you think you’re going? exclaims the surprised husband. I am booked on the next flight out to Las Vegas! I found out that there are thousands of good looking men who will gladly pay me $500 for what I give you for free! The man was taken aback but stood there considering his response for a moment, and then without a word got out his clothes to pack in his suitcase, whistling a happy tune. And just what do you think you’re doing? she asked. Sweetheart, I’ve decided that I’m going to go to Las Vegas with you… Because, I have GOT to see how you’re going to live on only $6,000 a year! Heading to Vegas

A man decides to go on a vacation on a Pacific island. When he steps off the plane, it is amazing: Cool, light ocean breeze, palms gently swaying in the wind, white sandy beaches, drums off in the distance. He goes to his hotel, checks in, starts having the time of his life. When he turns in on the first night, he can still hear drums off in the distance. They were charming at first, but now it’s little annoying, and he has a hard time going to sleep. The next morning, he goes to concierge and asks about the drums. The concierge replies: The drums, they never stop. Very, very bad if they stop. So the man goes about his day in paradise, having a great time, but the drums never stop. He tries to ignore them, but they interfere with his sleep the second night. The next morning, fuzzy-headed from too many island drinks and too little sleep, again asks the concierge if something can be done about the drums. He gets the same reply: Drums not stop. Very bad if they do. The rest of the day is not fun. The drums are driving this man crazy, and he isn’t getting any sleep. The next day he is ready leave. He packs his bags and goes up to the front desk to check out. But first the man finds the concierge to give the concierge a piece of his mind. Suddenly, the drums stop. He says to the concierge: They finally stopped! Thank god, I can get some sleep. I was about the leave. The concierge says: This is bad. Very, very bad. Flee from this island while you still can. Why? Drums stop. Bass solo next. — I’m a bassist and I fucking love this joke. A man goes on vacation.

A man falls unconscious on a plane, the stewardess asks: Who here is a doctor? A man raises his hand and he was quickly led to the unconscious man. A while later, he stood up and declared loudly: He wasn’t murdered! Hint:^He ^has ^a ^doctorate ^in ^forensic ^sciences! A man falls unconscious on a plane…

A man gets on a plane with six children. A woman leans across the aisle and asks Are all those children yours? He answers, No, I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints. A Man Got On A Plane…

A man goes on a business trip to Boston. He has never been there before and wants to try some of the local food. His friends all told him to try the sea food. Especially Boston Scrod. So as he gets into the taxi at the airport he ask the driver Do you know where I can get Scrod? The driver answers Listen Mac. I’ve been asked that question many times and in many ways but never before in the past pluperfect subjunctive. A man goes to Boston

A man goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks, Wow, this is cool. He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, and he hears drums. He TRIES to go to sleep, he hears drums. This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where the guy can’t sleep at night because of the drums. Finally, he goes down to the front desk. When he gets there, he asks the manager, Mister, that’s it!! Why won’t those drummers stop?! I can’t get any sleep! The manager replies, No! The drums must NEVER stop. It’s terrible if the drums stop drumming. Why? When drums stop… bass solo begins. Why can’t the drums never stop?

A man goes to visit an old friend, who has moved to another country and started a family. They haven’t seen each other since school. His old friend picks him up at the airport, and they go back to the house. When they get inside, the friend introduces the man to his three daughters. This is Joy says his friend. We called her that because she was such a happy baby, always giggling and smiling. This is Morose he continues. She was very quiet as a child, always observing the world around her Before he can introduce his third daughter, the phone rings. The friend apologizes, and tells his friend, Listen, I have to go into work quickly. Please, make yourself at home. I will be back in an hour So the man sits down, and the third daughter comes over and starts laughing maniacally. Without warning, she starts stripping off. She starts rubbing herself all over him, and before they know it, she’s reaching for his zipper. Things escalate very quickly, and it’s not long before they are having sex on the sofa. Suddenly, the friend comes back into the house and sees the man and his daughter hard at it, and screams, I know I told you to make yourself at home, but you’re fucking Ridiculous! Visiting an old friend

A man got into a plane for the first time ,as he was admiring the view outside he saw something and said to the person sitting beside him Its my first time on a plane ,and my friends told me people really look like ants from here and its true and the person sitting beside him said You Idiot!,we haven’t flown yet ,that’s a real ant! First time on a plane…….

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he is a DEA agent and that the dog is a sniffing dog. His name is Sniffer and he, the best there is. CII show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work. The plane takes off, and once it has levelled our, the agent says, Watch this. He tells Sniffer to search. Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent’s arm. The agent says, .Good boy, and he turns to the man and says, That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I’m making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land. Say, that’s pretty neat, replies the first man. Once again, the agent sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and this time, he places two paws on the agent, arm. The agent says, That is is carrying cocaine, is again, I’m making a note of his seat number for the police. I like the idea says his seat mate. The agent then told Sniffer to search again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, Sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place. The first man is really grossed out by this behaviour and can’t figure out how or why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asks the agent, What’s going on The agent nervously replied, He just found a bomb, Privileged Dog

A man in California find a genie lamp on the beach , and after rubbing it a genie pops out. You get one free wish. The genie told him. I thought it was three wishes? The man asked. No, that has been a lie for thousands of years, it’s just one, so make it count! After thinking it over the man says Ok, I’ve never been to Hawaii. But I don’t like riding on boats and I don’t like riding on planes. I’d like you build me a bridge from here to Hawaii. The genie seemed hesitant. I don’t know, that seems like it would be very difficult. Is there *anything* else you’d like, anything at all? The man thought for a minute, then said, Well I’ve always wanted to understand women better. I’d like to know all about the workings of a woman’s mind and be able to understand it all. The genie pondered over the wish. Ok so one or two lanes for that bridge? You sure?

A man in India was caught trying to buy a stolen baby on Facebook. Apparently facebook was alerted by the abnormality because the man was out of the baby’s network , after he attempted to make the relationship ‘Facebook official’. XXXX The 14th Dalai Lama says he would support a woman successor. Since the previous 13 reincarnations were all males, I guess someone got bored and fancies a sex change? XXXXX Saudi Arabia reportedly deports three men for being ‘too handsome’, as they were found to be ‘too irresistible to women’. Authorities said they were forced to take such extraordinary measures after attempts to wrap these men in burqas were met with swams of naked Saudi women offering their own burqas. XXXXX NASA discovered 3 earth-like alien planet with physical constants suitable for life. Unfortunately they also discovered in each these planets a depleted resources base; regions of nuclear wastes, and remnants of a bygone civilization. XXXXX Chinese men are now making love to statues in public, as part of a new internet fad. Meanwhile, legal experts warn that it is ‘statutory rape’ as long as the entity is incapable of giving consent to the act . XXXXX Apparently in Iceland there’s a new app loaded with ancestry trees designed to avoid incests. Somehow, however, I think it’s just another excuse girls use to reject me. Otherwise, all the more reasons to come up with new fake names now, guys. XXXXX Stonehenge is now seeking a general manager to ‘maintain dignity of stones’ and ‘speak with the Druids’. Well, I’ve heard that Fred Flintstone has been out of work and television for a long long time now…. XXXXX Smoke from the cremation of an 800-pound person alarmed neighboring residents. There were reports that the smoke smells curiously like bacon, barbecued ribs and roasted potato. Topical Jokes 4/25

A man is about to jump from a plane. Right before he jumps, he looks down and freezes in place. Don’t worry, says the pilot, If something goes wrong – start chanting ‘Oh great Buddha, please save me’ . Skeptical but with renewed confidence, the man jumps. At the right height, he tries to open his parachute. Nothing happens. He tries to open the spare parachute. Nothing happens. Terrified, the man shouts: OH GREAT BUDDHA, PLEASE SAVE ME!! Suddenly, the man stops falling. He looks down and finds a huge hand, safely carrying him to the ground. As soon as the hand reaches the ground, he jumps down. Phew, thank God! *smack* Faith is everything

A man is driving in the country when his car runs out of gas. Fortunately, he’s able to make it to a nearby farmhouse, and goes to ask the farmer for some gas. Gas? I have a can down in the cellar. Go in the back, undo the lock, open the trap door, go down the thirty-seven flights of stairs, and you’ll find it next to the cage. But whatever you do, *don’t touch the golden monkey in the cage*! Thankful, the man proceeds into the back, undoes the lock, opens the trap door, goes down the thirty-seven flights of stairs, and looks around the cellar. Sure enough, there’s a gas can on the floor, next to a large cage containing a golden monkey. It sits on a stool, ignoring him as he retrieves the gas can and starts up the thirty-seven flights of stairs to his car. The man fills up his tank, thanks the farmer, and goes to replace the gas can. He heads into the back, through the trap door, down the thirty-seven flights of stairs, and sets down the can. The golden monkey pays him no mind, and he goes on his way. Halfway up the stairs, the man stops. He turns around, goes back down eighteen flights of stairs, and goes to the cage. Hello? he says to the monkey. The golden monkey ignores him. Slowly, he reaches out, putting his hand through the bars. The monkey doesn’t move. Gently, he touches the monkey on the arm. The man recoils as the golden monkey goes wild. It starts screaming and thrashing, clawing at him through the cage. Panicked, the man turns to run, but as he does, he hears the monkey break the bars of its cage. He barrels up the thirty seven flights of stairs as fast as he can, hearing the monkey speed after him, roaring. He reaches the top and slams down the cellar door, locks it, and makes a mad dash for his car. Behind him, the cellar door shatters as the monkey rips through it. He manages to make it to his car and jumps inside, peeling out as fast as he can. The monkey is right behind him, and before he can get up to speed, it leaps onto the top of the car. Howling, screaming, it beats at the roof of the car. The man floors it and steers wildly, but the monkey will not be dislodged. With a roar, it punches a hole through the roof and peels back the metal. The man slams the breaks, but the monkey will not be dislodged. Crying, the man braces himself. The monkey reaches in and taps him on the shoulder. Tag, you’re it! The Golden Monkey

A man is on a plane when the pilot announces that the plane will be cruising at 35000 feet but forgets to turn the mic off. He turns to the co-pilot and says You know I could really go for a blowjob and a cup of coffee. One of the stewardess’s comes rushing up up to the cabin to tell the pilot to turn the mic off when a passenger yells; Hey honey, don’t forget the coffee! A man is on a plane…

A man is served whiskey on a flight. The flight attendant asks the priest seated next to him, whether he would like a drink too? Priest: I would rather be raped by a dozen prostitutes than let liquor touch my lips The man returns the drink saying: Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice… A man is served whiskey on a flight

A man is sitting next to a woman on a plane. Suddenly, the man sneezes. He unzips his trousers and wipes himself off with his handkerchief. He zips up and continues reading his magazine. The woman cannot believe what she has just seen. He sneezes again, unzips and wipes himself off with the handkerchief. The woman says, Sir, that’s disgusting and rude! If you do it again, I’m going to call the flight attendant and have you removed from this plane. He says, I’m so sorry that I’ve offended you. I have this very rare, embarrassing condition that causes me to orgasm every time I sneeze. The woman, disarmed by the man’s honesty, says with sympathy, Oh, you poor man. What do you take for it? Pepper, he answers. A man is sitting next to a woman on a plane….

A man is sitting with his wife on a plane flight to Jamaica. About halfway through the flight, over the middle of the ocean, the plane suffers a jolt and the flight attendant comes on the loudspeaker a few moments later. Our apologies for the disturbance, but a bird has flown into our back left engine and destroyed it. We still have three working engines, but our flight will be delayed by about an hour, due to decreased speed. Again, we’re sorry for the inconvenience. The wife turns to her husband and sighs loudly. Well, that’s one less hour to celebrate our anniversary. This just pisses me off, you know? The husband just shrugs and tries to ignore her, going back to his book. A few minutes later, there is another jolt and the loudspeaker comes to life again. We’re quite sorry, but it looks like a bird flew into our back right jet engine. We still have two working engines, but our landing time is going to be delayed by another two hours. Again, our apologies. The woman turns to her husband again. Oh, just wonderful. Steal another two hours from us why don’t you? They should be more careful with birds and engines. I hate airline companies. Again, her husband tries to ignore her. About ten minutes later there is another jolt. The attendant comes on the microphone. We’ve just lost our front right engine to another bird. We still have a working engine, though, no need to be alarmed. However, we won’t be landing until tomorrow morning, as a safety precaution. We offer our sincerest apologies. The woman turns to her husband again. Oh, fantastic. If they lose another engine, we’ll probably be here all week! Jet engine is down…

A man is standing outside in the smoking zone of an airport on a freezing cold January morning, smoking one last cigarette before his 16 hour, non-stop flight to Hong Kong for a business trip. Another man walks up to him and says do you have any idea how bad that is for you? Don’t you know that the mortality rate of smokers is 3 times as high as non-smokers? The smoker looks at him and says Ya, well my grandfather father lived to be 105. The other man opens his eyes wide in astonishment. He asks in disbelief: your grandfather really lived to be 105? And he was a smoker?? The smoker blows the last puff in the guys face, no, he just minded his own fucking business The dangers of smoking

A man is taking an airplane flight on TWA from New York to Florida. A very beautiful stewardess brings the drink cart down the aisle, stops by the man, smiles a gorgeous smile and asks him, Would you like some TWA coffee, TWA soda or TWA water? He replies, How about some TWA tea? *I learned this joke from a friend I don’t remember in 1983 or 1984 during my pre-teen years, and I was having dinner alone with my Dad at a chinese restaurant when I brilliantly busted this out. I asked him to explain it because I didn’t understand it. Up to that point, I had never heard a dirty joke, nor knew what they were or that they even existed. I shall also preface this by explaining TWA Airlines ran in the US between 1925 and 2001 and was booming at the time I heard the joke.)* *My father explained that it was another word for sex . Also, that is the only time in my life I ever heard my father utter the word sex . Wasn’t sure if this would be considered NSFW so I decided to err on the side of caution.* NSFW The first dirty joke I ever knew

A man is walking down a beach in California, when he stumbles across a magic lamp A genie appears from the lamp and says, Thank you sir for freeing me, in return i will grant you one wish. The man replies I have always wanted to walk the beaches of Hawaii, but I do not ride planes and the trip by boat is to long. I wish for a highway from California to Hawaii. The genie looks at the man and replies, A bridge that size takes to much magic, I am not powerful enough to create a bridge of that magnitude, however I will give you another wish. The man replies Fine, I wish to learn the secret to women. Without skipping a beat the genie says, Two lanes or four? The secret to women

A man jumps into the ocean and decides to put his life in God’s hands. He is treading water for 45 mins when a tugboat comes by. The captain shouts to him, get in and we will take you to shore! The man calls back, no thanks, I’m waiting for God to save me. The captain looks perplexed but drives away. Next, a helicopter pilot spots the man and lowers down a ladder. He calls down, grab the ladder and we’ll pull you up! The man again tells him, not thanks, I’m waiting for God! The man dies and is before God at the pearly gates. He is angry and asks God, where were you when I needed you? God replies, who do you think sent the boat and helicopter? Last went to temple when I was 13. Still remember this joke.

A man living in Mexico gets a phonecall from his cousin living in New York. Hey Jose, I haven’t seen you in a while, it would be great if you could come up here to New York. I have tickets for a Mets game, you would love it! Jose decided this would be fun, and takes a plane to New York. After a stay at his cousin’s, they go out to the stadium, and after an exciting game exit again. So how was it? Did you like it? said Jose’s cousin. Oh it was great! said Jose. There were so many things happening. Everyone was so kind to me! Jose’s cousin, thinking this very odd, especially for New York, asks him how they were so nice to him. It felt like the entire stadium cared. Jose said. Everyone tried to make sure I got a good seat. Before the game started – it was like magic – everyone bursted out, all at the same time, Jose, can you see? First time at a ballgame

A man named Steve and his new bride lived a happy life together during their first few months of marriage. Steve and his wife had sex every single night and had never been apart from one another since they tied the knot. One evening though Steve came home from work and said Darling, I have some bad news. My company has ordered I go on a business trip for the next two months. I’m going to miss you dearly and I know you’re going to miss me. Is there anything I can do for you before I leave? Well says Steve’s wife you know how we have sex every single night? Yes I know dear. Said Steve. Well dear husband I want you to go out and buy me a dildo so I can have something to keep me company. Steve agrees and goes to the dildo shop. He looks around at all the dildos and sees big ones and small ones and ones with plugs and ones with sparkles. He approaches the shop keep and explains his predicament. Well that seems like a tall order, the shop keep says two months is a long time for a woman to stay faithful and a hard job for one dildo to do. But I think ive got just the thing. The shop keep reaches under his counter and pulls out a box. Steve opens the box to find what appears to be just an ordinary dildo. Whats so special about this one? Asks Steve. Watch this! Replies the shop keep I can command it. Voodoo Dildo! The door! And just then what seemed to be an ordinary dildo levitates from the box, travels to the door, and thunderously penetrates the keyhole. Remarkable! says Steve. Now watch this! says the shop keep Voodoo Dildo! The pocket pussies! And the Voodoo Dildo switches from the keyhole to fucking the pocket pussies on display in the store. Sensational! Says Steve. Finally the shop keep stops the Voodoo Dildo by saying Voodoo Dildo! Return! And the Voodoo Dildo levitated back to the box. Steve is very impressed by this magical sex toy and gladly purchases it from the store. Steve returns home with the box in hand eager to greet his wife and show off her new present. When he arrives he sees that she has gone to the grocery store. He leaves the package on their bed with instructions hes written on how to activate the Voodoo Dildo. Later in the evening Steve has gone to the airport and his wife has returned home. She spots the package left by her husband and without hesitation begins to open it. Inside she finds the Voodoo Dildo and Steves instructions. After reading the instructions she strips off all of her clothes and says Well I guess we should see what this is all about. Voodoo dildo! My pussy! And the Voodoo Dildo begins to give her the best she’s ever had. It starts slow but eventually makes her come again and again. After her fourth orgasm she thinks shes had enough but oh no! Steve forgot to include how to make the Voodoo Dildo stop! She tries pulling it and grabbing it but it wont stop. She calls 911 but the operator tells her not to make prank calls on the emergency hotline. She rushes to find anything she can to stop it but it just wont. She climaxes again and finally decides to put on her clothes and drive to the hospital. Once shes in her car she can barely drive. Shes rushing to the hospital but is swerving and turning due to her reoccuring orgasms. A police cruiser notices this and pulls her over. She reluctantly pulls to the side of the road as she climaxes again. The cop asks her to roll down her window and she explains the whole story to the cop. After her long explanation and hurried story the skeptical policeman rolls his eyes, looks at her, and says Yeah right. Voodoo dildo my ass. Voodoo Dildo

A man named Tony gets on an airplane in New York going to Las Vegas, and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a stunningly beautiful and very sexy woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards him. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right next to him. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, So, are you going to Vegas to try your luck? She turns and smiles, and says, Well no, I’m going to the Adult Entertainment Expo. I guess you could say I’m a movie star. He swallows hard, and is instantly crazed with excitement. Here’s the most sensuous woman he has ever seen, sitting right next to him, going to Vegas, and obviously she’s a porn queen. Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he asks with some awkwardness, Oh, I see . . . so tell me, is it true that Italian men make the best lovers? The woman blushes. Well no, that would be Jewish men. They are very romantic and gentle. Disappointed but emboldened, Tony then asks, Well, I’ve heard that Italian men are the most well-endowed. The woman smiles. I’m afraid that’s wrong. In fact, they tend to be rather, well . . . small. Native American men are most likely to be big. Suddenly, the woman looks slightly embarrassed. I’m sorry, she says, I feel so awkward discussing these things with you, and I don’t even know your name. Tony extends his hand and replies, Tonto. Tonto Rosenberg. A man named Tony gets on an airplane

A man on a business trip decided to go for a beer before his flight home and walked into the first joint he saw. He sat down, ordered a beer, and realized he was in a gay bar. The bartender said what’s your nickname? Confused, the guy asks excuse me? My nickname? The bartender laughed and said yeah, your nickname! We all have one here. Mines Nike, you know, just do it! Another man beside him said mines snickers, because it satisfies. The bartender looked at the man and said see…nicknames. You can’t have your beer until you tell us yours. The man sat there for a second, thought about it, and said secret. The bartender looked confused and asked secret? The man replied yeah, secret. You know..strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. Now give me my fuckin beer! Straight man mistacenly walks into a gay bar

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight, and while en-route to his home, asked the driver if he would be a witness, as he suspected his wife was having an affair, and expected to catch her in the act. The driver agreed, and they both tiptoed into the bedroom, turned on the lights pulled the blanket back and found the wife in bed with another man. The husband put his gun to the man’s head, and the wife shouted, Don’t do it, this man has been very generous. Who do you think paid for the Corvette I said I bought for you and who do you think paid for our new boat he did!’ The husband, looked over at the cab driver, and said, What would you do in a case like this?’ The cabbie smiled, and said, I’d cover him up before he catches cold. cheating wife

A man sits next to a kid on a plane. The man turns to the kid and says, Let’s talk. The kid says, sure, about what? The man, teasingly, says, nuclear power. The kid says, sure, but first, let’s talk deer, cows and horses. They all eat grass, but the deer drops pellets, the cow does patties, and the horse produces clumps. Do you know why? The man is stumped. No , he says. The kid replies, do you really think we should talk about nuclear power when you don’t know shit!? its gonna be a long flight

A man sitting next to a woman on an airplane noticed that everytime she sneezed she had a big smile on her face. After several times he finally built the nerve to ask: Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice everytime you sneeze you smile. Why is that? Well , she said, everytime I sneeze I have an orgasm. Damn! You take anything for that? , he asked. Oh yes! Pepper! A woman sneezes on an airplane

A man sitting on a plane keeps sneezing, and every time he sneezes he puts tissues down his pants. The man sitting next to him asks, why do you put tissues down your pants every time you sneeze? . The man replies, because I ejaculate every time I sneeze . The man sitting next to him says, that’s awful! Are you taking anything for it? The man replies pepper . A man on a plane keeps sneezing

A man takes his elephant to the airport. The guard stops him, saying he is forbidden from bringing animals aboard, and the man retreats back home with his elephant. The next day the man returns to the airport with his elephant. The man puts bread crumbs into the elephants ears and walks up to the same guard. The guard says, I told you yesterday, no animals. The man replies, This is a sandwich. The Elephant Man

a man that was about to jump out of a plane asks his instructor one last time what happens if the parachute doesn’t open the instructor says that is very unlikely, but if it happens, put your hands together and say Buddha Buddha Buddha the guy thinks that is strange and jumps out of the plane anyway. On his way down he pulls the reserve and the thing doesn’t open. He then panics, puts his hands together and says buddha buddha buddha sure enough two fluffy hands come from out of the clouds, swoop him up and go to lightly set him on the ground. the man relieved to be saved shouts out THANK GOD the hands disappear and he falls to his death. Guy jumps out of a plane.

A man walked into an airport with two bags: He says to the check in attendant… I want this one to go to New York, and this one to go to South Dakota. Sir, you can’t do that. The attendant said. The man says, Why not? It happened the last time. Man at Airport

A man walks onto an airplane, and he’s cranky as hell. It was an early morning, security held him up, and all he wants to do is sleep until the plane reaches New York. However his mood does a 180 when he gets to his seat and see the most angelic blonde woman he has ever seen sitting next to him. He smiles awkwardly, receiving a warm and friendly smile from said bombshell. After about 30 minutes of sitting there he finally convinces himself to say something, So, business or pleasure? Smiling, she replies, Business actually! I’m a sexologist, and Im headed to a conference in New York . Eyes widened and breathing intensified, he says Oh really?! What does that entail? Well, my particular area of study revolves around sexual trends, stereotypes and myths , she says, and we’ve actually found some pretty exciting new stuff . Like what? Well, you know the myth that black guys have the largest dicks? , she asks. Well yeah, everyone knows that one. Its actually Native American men , she says with a smirk. Wow, I never would’ve thought of that , he said. I know right? Also, you know how they say Italians are the most attentive lovers? , she asks. Not really, but i guess it makes sense , he replies. Turns out it’s actually Jewish Men , she says. That one I really didn’t expect , he says, laughing. Well its true! We’ve also uncovered some new trends. We recently found out that on average rednecks last the longest in bed , she says. No kidding! , the man says. I’m so sorry , the woman says, Here I am talking all about myself and what I do and I don’t even know your name! The guy holds out his hand and goes, My name is Squanto Berkowitz but all my friends call me Bubba . Man meets Smoking Hot Sexologist on an Airplane…

A man was on a plane when a stewardess approached him and said Would you like some headphones? To which the man replied Yes I would, but how did you know my name was Phones? *Edit: unintentional brain trick. A man was on a plane…

A man was on a plane when a stewardess approached him and said, Would you like some headphones? To which the man replied, Yes I would, but how did you know my name was Phones? Headphone…….

A man was seated next to a kid in an airplane. The man turned to him and said, Let’s talk . Kid: Ok, what do we talk about ? Man (making fun of d kid): How about nuclear power? Kid: Very interesting topic. But let me ask you a question Horse, cow & deer, all eat grass. Yet deer excretes pellets, cow flat potty & horse clumps. Why? Man: I don’t know. Child: Do you really feel qualified enough to discuss nuclear issues when you don’t know shit.. ? Never Mess with Kids

A man was sitting at a bar in London, and ordered a drink. So, who are you? , asked the bartender. I’m a danceologist. I’ve studied every dance in the entirety of Oceania . Even the Wingo Wango? Mhm , he replied. Even the Yapucha dance? , he asked. Wait, I’ve never heard of that one! Can you tell me about it? The bartender shook his head. I can’t, but my cousin lives in Darwin. Here’s his address. The bartender handed him a business card. The danceologist thanked him, and booked a flight there. When he arrived at the airport, the cousin greeted the danceologist, and took him home. Every year on the 12^th of May they do the dance. You see that mountain up there? They live on top. They’ll be doing it in 2 weeks. The danceologist looked at the mountain in awe. Two weeks later, there was a heavy storm. There were collapsing, jagged rocks, and the icy winds battered him. He didn’t bring any oxygen, and so he felt too out of breath, and took a rest. Later, he carried on for one last push, and reached the top, where he met the tribe. Aha! Is this where the Yapucha dance is? , exclaimed the danceologist. Sorry , said the chief. You missed it by twelve minutes . WHAT?! , exclaimed the man. Can you do it just for me? , he asked. Sorry again , said the chief. It would upset the Gods. Come back next year at 12 o’ clock Distraught, he went down the mountain. He flew back to London, and waited a full year, holding off any other projects so he could practise, even to the point where he spent less time with his family. When the time came, he flew back to Darwin, climbed out the mountain, combatted the chilly winds, fought off aggressive wildlife, only to get hit by a rock on the head. Despite this, he carried on, and reached the top. Am I in time?! , the danceologist panicked. Just in time! , laughed the chief. Are we all ready? The other tribesmen got into a circle and nodded. The danceologist watched intently. Yapucha left foot in… The Danceologist

A man was walking to work on a day, just like any other, when he notices a new business opened overnight on his normal route. Proudly displayed in the front windows are signs proclaiming Singing Blowjob: $5 . The man was intrigued to say the least and all day he couldn’t wrap his mind around what a singing blowjob could be. As soon as he got off work he went straight to the store, walked in, and ordered himself a singing blowjob. Minutes later a beautiful woman walks out and leads him to a room in the back and instructs him to sit down and remove his pants, as soon as he does the lights go out and he feels the woman go to work , about a minute in the man hears the most beautiful, incredible, operatic singing he has ever experienced, all while this same woman is going to work. After the man finishes he walks home in a daze and does his evening routine on autopilot while he attempts to unravel this mystery. He spends all night laying in bed unable to sleep, and resolves to call in sick to work and head down to this store as soon as they open, bringing a flash light this time. He goes through the the same process as before, this time however as the same woman leads him back to the same room and starts to sing to him like before he shines his flashlight around the room but all he can see is a glass eye sitting on the table. On the way to work…

A man wearing a purple cowboy hat walks into a bar. Suddenly the purple cowboy hat disappears off his head. He steps up to the bartender to ask where his hat went but the bartender vanishes too. Befuddled, the man looks around the bar, which also entirely disappears. Then the city around the bar disappears, as does the nation, the continent, the planet and the entire universe. The man is left floating in a vast, featureless, timeless void. Then he too disappears without a trace, because he was never there. In fact, none if it was ever there, because this is just a joke. Purple cowboy hat

A man who loves his wife decides one day to get a tattoo to commemorate their love. He decided to get a tattoo on his penis of his wife’s name, Wendy. So he goes down to the tattoo parlor and gets a big WENDY in all capitol letters down the length of his shaft. He goes home, and his wife loves it. Our hero is a grower, not a shower, so when he’s not erect you can’t see the whole name, unfortunately. You can only really make out the W on his head and the Y down and the base, so unless he’s hard his penis doesn’t so much say WENDY as it says WY. Months later, he finds himself on a business trip to Jamaica. In the airport in Kingston, he rushes to a urinal to relieve himself. A local comes up beside him to the only other urinal there. Quickly glancing at his new neighbor, the man notices a similar WY tattoo on the Jamaican man’s junk. Curiosity gets the better of him, and he decides to ask the local about their similar tattoos. I’m terribly sorry, but I couldn’t help but notice we have a similar tattoo. Ya, mon? Which tattoo? Well, I noticed the WY on your penis. I have something similar, it’s my wife’s name, WENDY. I was just curious, does your wife’s name happen to be Wendy, too? The Jamaican man bursts out laughing and says, No, mon, it’s nothing like that, ya see. Mi wife is called Rita. Well then what does it say? It says, ‘WELCOME TO JAMAICA, HAVE A NICE DAY’ A Man Who Loves His Wife… [NSFW]

A man with no arms is looking for a new job in the newspaper when he comes across an ad for a Bell-Ringer at the local church. The next day we went down to the church and the doors were closed. So he banged on the door using his head to get the attention of the priest. The priest answers, Yes sir, can I help you? The man replies, I’m here for the bell-ringer job posted in the newspaper. The priest looking befuddled asks, how do you intend on ringing the bell with no arms? The man replies, let me worry about that. So they walk up to the top of the bell tower and the priest says, if you can ring this bell, you can have the job. The man takes a running start and wams his head of the bell, making it ring, so the priest gives him the job. The man has to ring the bell 5 times a day, meaning he walks up 6 flights of stairs, rings the bell, and walks back down. And since he’s been doing this for 6 months, his face is all messed up. This one day, he’s getting his running start when he trips and falls out of the bell tower to the ground below. People start to crowd around the man and one woman says, does anyone know who he is? Another man picks up his head and says, I don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell. – my favourite joke from pee wee herman A man with no arms is looking for a new job

A marine is on his way home from a tour of duty and finds himself seated next to two Arabs in the airport. He has a little time till his next flight, so he takes off his boots and sets them down next to him. He looks over to the two Arabs and, thinking it’d be taken as a gesture of goodwill, says, Would any of you like a coke? One of them nods yes, so the marine gets up to go to the vending machine around the corner. One of the Arabs whispers to the other, and snickers as he spits into one of the marine’s boots. The marine comes back with a coke and gives it to the Arab. As he sits back down, the other says, Would you get me one as well? The marine happily gets up and goes back around the corner. The two snicker again and the other Arab spits into his other boot. The marine comes back and gives the Arab the coke and, seeing that his boarding time is coming up, puts on his boots. He immediately sees what the Arabs had done and cries out, When will these hostilities end!? The spitting in boots!? The pissing in cokes!? A marine is on his way home

A midget walks into a toothbrush factory and asks to speak with the manager. The midget says I am the greatesth toofbruth thalesman on earth. The manager says well, we’re not currently hiring…but I like your style. Here’s 10 toothbrushes. They’re $1 each. Come back tomorrow with $10 in sales and maybe I can find you a job here. A few hours later, the midget comes back with $10. Wow, that was pretty good! says the manager. Okay, tell you what – here’s 100 toothbrushes. Come back at the end of the week and if you sold them all, I’ll make you a senior salesman. That evening, the midget comes back with $100. The manager is amazed, but suspicious. Okay, this is pretty insane. I’ll give you 1,000 toothbrushes, and if you can sell them all by the end of the week, I’ll make you the regional sales manager. The midget comes back the next morning with $1,000. The manager shakes his head I can’t believe it, but I’m a man of my word. I’ll set you up in a corner office with a signing bonus and your own assistant and a company car. But first, you have to tell me the secret to your success. Come witf me, the midget says. They get into the midget’s car with giant box of toothbrushes. The manager notices a large bag of potato chips and jars of hummus on the back seat. What’re those for? You’ll thee. They head to the airport. The midget gets out, grabs the chips and dip, a sign and the box of toothbrushes, and wheels a luggage cart with all this stuff to the terminal. The manager follows him you sure you don’t need any help? No, fhank you. I got thif. The midget stands near the baggage claim with the sign that the manager now sees says FREE CHIPS N’ DIP – the manager screws up his face, but shrugs it off; he needs to see this master salesman in action. A man walks past as the midget says hello thir, would you like to thry thum dip? Oh, thank you! The man takes a chip, dips it into the hummus, and takes a bite. WHAT THE FUCK THIS DIP TASTES LIKE SHIT! It ith shith – wanna buy a toofbruth? The midget with a cleft lip who is the greatest toothbrush salesman on earth

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, I’d rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips. The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, Me, too, I didn’t know we had a choice. A Mormon and an Irishman

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, I’d rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips. The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, Me, too, I didn’t know we had a choice. The Mormon and The Irishman

A mother a father and their son come home from their vacation early because the son is complaining about a tooth ache. The mother tells the boy that he probably just has a cavity and it will be fine, but the father is anxious about his son’s discomfort and causes a whole ruckus at the airport terminal and in many ways, he delays their travel further. when they finally get home, the father brings his son to the dentist and waits in the waiting room, while the child is brought in. You can either come in or stay in the waiting room says the receptionist. The father waits in the waiting room while the dentist assistant gives the boy a routine teeth cleaning, after about twenty minutes she says, alright honey, I’m going to go get the dentist and hes going to look for cavities, you just wait here and he’ll come out in a minute. The dad was getting anxious and eventually he walked in at the same time as the dentist. He paused and then screamed, what the fuck are you doing with my son?! The dentist stumbles over his words with shock on his face and while hes looking back and forth to the son and father, the father decks him in the face. The dad then asks the boy what hes doing with his pants at his ankles and if the dentist hurt him. The boy, afraid that he did something wrong, then says, I was getting ready for my cavity search like you did at the airport. Cavities

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big airplanes have baby airplanes? The mother (who couldn’t think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, Did your Mom tell you to ask me? The boy said, yes she did. Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you. Southwest

A Muslim in a turban walked into the plane and shouted HIJACK! . Everybody screamed frantically in panic and crouched down with hands over their head. Hi Ahmed! Long time no see! said Jack, confused at the chaos in the plane. . . . . . . . . . Ahmed then proceeded to press a button and blow up the plane A man in a turban walked into the plane

A Muslim walks into an airport wearing the flashiest clothes, he meets a friend who shouts at him you’re the bomb. Everyone sets of sprinting in all directions. You’re the bomb

A Navy pilot, asshole. What do you call an Arab with a jet?

A navy recruiter recruits a penguin to be a pilot. Why did you send us a penguin, the navy asks. Hey, I might not look like much, the penguin interrupts, but flying is in my genes. A navy recruiter

A new porn site donates a penny to charity after every view. So far, I’ve personally donated over $6,000. I’m a ‘giver’! Caitlyn Jenner’s on the cover of S.I.’s ‘Where are they now?’ issue. Better than the ‘Where are his privates now?’ issue. God is Over 250 ISIS fighters killed by U.S. air strikes. Now i believe it…God is NOT dead! Barnes & Nobel will start selling alcohol in certain stores. Now you can get blasted in the war section or buzzed by the insect books Rio’s Governor says the Olympics could be A big bust. BTW, that also explains what happened to him last yr at the RIO airport! Do you believe in omens? My psychiatrist has a tattoo of the seven dwarfs in Nazi uniforms running up his arm! On this day in 1975 Cher married Greg Allman & quickly divorced him saying I made an awful mistake . Sonny Bono replied Tell me about it! The flick The Purge’ premieres this weekend. It’s about an election yr where anything goes & NOTHINGS illegal. are they sure this is fiction? Ego-maniac driven professions; Fine dinning chef, Symphony conductor, & anyone at the Dept. of Motor Vehicles! My nephew Skeeter has a weight problem. I knew it was bad when his bakery took out a restraining order. Today’s Inspirational Thought; The desperate turn to faith, the masses turn to acceptance, the successful to compromise. I got a recall notice on my pacemaker. They told me to mail it in for a replacement. Sunday we’ll celebrate our separation from England. If only we could celebrate or separation from debt! Seriously Funny 6/30 2016

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, Robert doesn’t appreciate what I do for him. Now, now, her mother comforted, I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding. No, mother, you don’t understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price! Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate! says her mom. Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars. No, mother it wasn’t the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket. Airplane ticket…. What did you need an airplane ticket for? Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said – ‘Prepare from a frozen state,’ so I flew to Alaska! Tearful Bride

A newly married Women goes a travel agent & says, Can you give me a great deal on a Honeymoon package Agent: We have a $8000 package to Hawaii for 3 nights / 2 days including Flight, Hotel & Food Women: Do you have a cheaper package? Agent: We have a 2 Nights / 3 Days package to Florida Keys that includes travel, hotel & Drinks for $5000 Women: Do you have a package cheaper than this? A better deal? Agent: We have a special offer for 10 Nights / 11 Days in London & Paris via Milan. Stay in honeymoon suite and complimentary chauffeured car & of course flight, Hotel, Food & drinks are all included & the cost for this is Free Women: WOW, what’s the catch? What’s in fine prints? Agent: No catch, just that the husband will be from our company. A newel married women is looking to book for honeymoon

A nice and neatly dressed man is sitting on an airplane next to a woman. An hour into the flight, he pulls out a filthy men’s magazine and starts to read it. After a little while longer he removes his hat. Then he takes off his leather gloves. Then he unzips his pants and pulls them down and removes his underwear and proceeds to give himself a hand job until he climaxes. Afterwards, he puts away the magazine, puts his pants back on, zips them up, and puts his gloves and hat back on until he is completely dressed again. The lady sitting next to him has been watching the whole thing and notices the man taking out a cigarette. He turns to her and asks, you wouldn’t be offended if I smoke, would you? Airplane Etiquette

A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts Is there a doctor here? A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: I am. What is the problem? She replies: Do you want to meet my daughter? How about an Indian joke?

A novice pilot was flying over the Pacific when he was overcome with terror, and called the stewardess into his cabin. \- Honey, in about 5 minutes we’re going to crash and nothing I’m able to do to change the situation. Try, in a gentle way, to explain to the passengers. The flight attendant took it to heart and wandered to the passenger deck. \- Can I please have your attention, could I ask everybody to show me your passports? Thank you, and now can everybody raise them high above your heads and wave them around for me… Bravo. \- Now everybody grab it with two hands and break in this way to part them in the middle. Beautiful, thank you for your cooperation. \- Now wrap these passports really tight, so very tight and … And shove it deep in the ass to make it easy to identify you once we crash. A Polish Joke: Translated

A nun is traveling through an airport on her way home from a recent mission overseas. As she is moving through the terminal she comes across a fortune telling machine. She decides to have her fortune told while she waits for her flight. She walks over to the machine, deposits the needed 25 cents, and out spits a fortune card. Your name is Sister Nancy, you are 5’2 , weight 155 lbs, and you are good at playing the fiddle. Sister Nancy was rather confused as she had never played the fiddle a minute in her life. While she is walking over to a seat, she happens to notice a man with a fiddle case sitting down. She walks over to the man and says, Pardon me sir, but might i have a moment to try out your fiddle? The man nods, and no sooner does she pick up the fiddle, she is able to start playing it without any difficulty. Realizing the machine was right, she rushed over to have another fortune told. She deposits 25 cents, and another card spits out. Your name is Sister Nancy, you are 5’2 , weight 155 lbs, and you are about to break wind. Why I would never do such a thing! Sister Nancy gasped out loud, since she was in a public space. But sure enough as she was walking back to her seat, Sister Nancy let one rip. Completely shocked, she ran back to the machine, for one last fortune. 25 cents was deposited, and another fortune card was spat out. Your name is Sister Nancy, you are 5’2 , you weight 155 lbs, and you just Fiddle Farted around and missed your flight. Farting Around

A passenger plane crashes on the border of Tanzania and Kenya. Where are the survivors buried? Borderline Crazy!!!

A passenger plane starts losing altitude so the pilot decides to dump the cargo afterwards their still losing altitude so he goes on the intercom and says we’re still losing altitude and need to throw off some passengers to save the rest so to be fair we will do this in alphabetical order he then proceeds to say ok are their any African Americans no one raises their hand ok are their any Black People no one raises their hand ok are their any Colored People still no one raises their hand When a little boy looks up at his mom and says momma aren’t we African Americans, Black People, and Colored People she says oh no son today we’re Niggers The little boy looks at the Mexican on the other side of him and smiles and says Ha you gotta go first the Mexican then says oh no senor cause today we’re Wetbacks A passenger plane starts losing altitude…..

A pilot What do you call a black man flying a plane

A pilot What do you call a muslim flying a plane?

A pilot What do you call a Muslim Flying an airplane

A ‘pilot you effing racist!! What do you call a black guy who flies airplanes?

A pilot gets on the PA Hello flight 828, we’ve reached cruising altitude, the seatbelt sign has been turned off etc, that kind of stuff. Then a big plop is heard, and it becomes apparent that the pilot forgot to turn of the PA. Then the pilot says to presumingly the co-pilot, Man, I wish I had a coffee and a blowjob right now… The whole plane begins laughing quietly, and looking at each other with awkward expressions. From the back of the plane, a flight attendant begins running, clearly distressed, to inform the pilot the PA has not been turned off. As she reaches the cockpit, a man yells, so that the entire plane could hear, AND DON’T FORGET THE COFFEE! When a pilot forgets to turn off the PA

A pilot is flying a small single engine plane with a lot of really important execs on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 10m, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous. At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: Hi, where am I? The solitary office worker replies: You’re in an airplane. The pilot executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers asked the pilot how he did it. Simple, replies the pilot, I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless; therefore, that must be Microsoft’s support office, and from there, the airport is just 5 miles away on a bearing of 87 degrees! What an answer

A pilot of course. Racism Test- What do you call a black guy who flies an airplane?

A pilot you fucking racist! What do you call a black man who flies a plane for a living?

A pilot you fucking racist. What do you call a black man that flies a plane?

A pilot you racist What do you call an Arab flying a plane?

A pilot you racist asshole What do you call a black guy flying a plane?

A pilot you racist bastard What do you call a black person that flys an airplane?

A pilot you racist freaks! What do you call a Muslim flying an airplane?

A pilot you RACIST! What do you call a black guy flying a plane

A pilot you racist! What do you call a black man when he is sitting in the cockpit controlling an airplane?

A pilot you racist. What do you call a black man flying plane?

A pilot, of course. What do you call a black man who flies a plane ?

A pilot, you fucking racist. What do you call an asian women who flies an airplane?

A pilot, you homophobic bastard! What do you call a gay man flying a plane?

a pilot, you racist How do you call black man that is flying a plane?

a pilot, you racist What do you call a black man who flies a plane?

A pilot, you racist asshole. What do you call a black woman who flies a plane?

A pilot, you racist bastard. What do you call a black guy in a cockpit?

A pilot, you racist fuck! What do you call a black man flying a plane?

A pilot, you racist fuck. What do you call a black pilot?

A pilot, you racist fucks… (NSFW) What do you call a black pilot?

A pilot, you racist motherfucker. What do you call a black guy that flies planes?

A pilot, you racist motherfucker. What do you call an Arab who flies a plane?

A pilot, you racist piece of shit. What do you call a black person flying a plane?

A pilot, you racist! What do you call a black guy that flys a plane?

A PILOT, YOU RACIST! What do you call a black guy who flies a plane?

A pilot, you racist! What do you call a black man that flies an airplane?

A pilot, you racist! What do you call a Mexican that flies a plane?

A pilot, you racist. What do you call a black man that flies planes?