Take that back Olympics Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the Olympics that they would like to take back…. 1. Weightlifting commentator: This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing. 2. Dressage commentator: This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother. 3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. 4. Boxing Analyst: Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious. 5. Softball announcer: If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again. 6. Basketball analyst: He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces. 7. At the rowing medal ceremony: Ah, isn’t that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew. 8. Soccer commentator: Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field. 9. Tennis commentator: One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?…:)
A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as Trump came on the TV.. After a few sips he looked up at the screen and mumbled, Now there is the biggest horse’s ass I’ve ever seen. Immediately a customer at the end of the bar got up, walked over, decked him and left. Dadgum! the man said, climbing back up to the bar. This must be Trump country. Nope, the bartender replied, Horse country!
Three boys are walking down the railroad tracks and find a $10 bill….. …. and they’re trying to decide what to do with the money. The first boy says let’s buy some candy and the other boys say that’s what we always do… Let’s use it for something different. The second boy says let’s buy some comic books and the other boys say that’s what we always do when we don’t spend it on candy. The third boy says let’s buy a box of tampons . The other boys look at him and say what? The third boy responds I saw on TV that we can go running, horseback riding, swimming…..
Ranchers are protesting over round hay bales. They claim that their horses aren’t getting a square meal.
Sven goes to the doctor Sven’s in his late 40’s and hasn’t been feeling like himself for a few months, kind of tired and rundown. His wife Olga, (of course) nags him to go to the doctor for the first time in years, so Sven goes. The doctor gives him a physical and tells Sven he’s a fine physical specimen with nothing apparently wrong. So the doctor starts to question him… So, Sven, are you sleeping well? Yah, yah, sleep 8 – 9 hour ever’ night. Sleep like a baby . Well, Sven, how’s your diet? Oh, dat Olga one fine cook, I eat like a horse — real balanced meals, yah, and take de vitamins too . Well, how’s work? Stressful? Oh, noooo! Love that place! Want to work there forever! So, the doctor is coming up with nothing and finally asks Sven, So, how’s your sex life? Pretty normal or are you too tired to get busy with Olga? Oh, doctor, it’s perfectly normal. We get up in the morning — have de sex 2 — maybe 3 time – just like ever’body, then I go to work. Run home at lunch for Olga’s good cookin’ and we have de sex 1 – maybe 2 time — before I go back to work. Then in the evenings, we have dinner, maybe watch a little TV and then — just like everybody else, have de sex 6 – 7 – maybe 8 time and go to sleep. Just like normal — you know, like everybody does The doctor is astonished and then finally says, Well, Sven, I’ve got to tell you, I’m pretty sure it’s all the sex with Olga that’s wearing you down. You two probably need to cut back significantly To which Sven says, Oh, no Doctor! It must be all de yakkin’ off in between!
The Pommel Horse There is excitement in men’s gymnastics at the Olympics in Rio. One man from Germany tore his ACL (Anterior Cruciate Ligament) in rehearsal on the pommel horse, but entered anyway and scored high enough to allow Germany to advance. Talk about playing through the pain! In women’s gymnastics, again for 2016, there were no entries in the pommel unicorn.
So I was eating out this girl the other day… … and all the sudden I tasted horse semen. So I was like, Oh grandma, that’s how you died.
A man walks into a bar… … and sees a horse behind the counter. After a minute, the horse yells at him. Whatsamatter, buddy? Never seen a horse tending bar before? It’s not that, said the man, It’s just that I never thought the parrot would sell the place!
What does a necrozoophiliac do? Beat the dead horse.
What do you call a jockey that doesn’t get blowjobs? A headless horseman!
The Silent Debate Note: This is a joke best told in person by somebody who’s not afraid to go all out with gesticulations and accents. The silent debate was a yearly event that was the Super Bowl of the intellectual world. It was watched live by tens of thousands, and broadcast on countless major networks. For near a decade, it had been won by Jean-Baptiste, the undisputed master of the silent debate. This year he was being challenged by a true dark horse, Joe from Brooklyn. The debate begins and a hush falls over the crowd. Jean-Baptiste opens by holding out a raised index finger, slowly moving it in front of him. Joe counters, doing the same with his middle and index fingers. Jean responds by repeating the gesture, this time with 3 fingers. Joe is the first to buck the trend, raising a fist in front of his face. Jean-Baptiste makes wide sweeping arcs in front of himself and to the side with his open palms. Joe grabs his right arm right around the crook of his elbow and violently thrusts his fist in front of himself again. Jean is in a tough spot, but confident. He has something incredibly profound, a move he has kept in his back pocket but never had to use up until this moment. He calmly raises his right hand and forms a circle with his thumb and forefinger. The crowd gasps, sure Joe is beat. Joe looks on, puts the backs of his hands against his cheek, and rapidly wriggles his fingers while his face jerks back and forth. Jean-Baptiste goes red in the face upon seeing this, and flees the stage. Joe has won. After the debate reporters are everywhere taking statements from the competitors. One corners Jean-Baptiste and asks him what happened. Well, says Jean, I began by saying ‘Singularity,’ to which Joe said ‘Duality.’ I said ‘Trinity,’ and Joe said ‘Power.’ I tried to appeal to reason, and said ‘Peace,’ but he countered with ‘Absolute Power.’ I finally said ‘Divinity.’ Surely no man can argue against the divine! But he did that… thing, with such passion and self assurance, and I don’t even know what he said. He counters me and I cannot even conceive of his argument. I am truly beat. The reporters are now whipped into a frenzy; they must know what it was that Joe said. They find him backstage, already celebrating with pounding music and copious amounts of alcohol. When asked about the debate, Joe says, Yeah alright. So this guy comes out and he says to me, he says ‘I’m gonna stick my finger up your asshole.’ I say ‘Oh yeah? I’ll stick two fingers up your asshole!’ He says ‘You do that and you’ll be getting 3 fingers up your asshole.’ I says ‘Buddy, I will stick my whole damn fist up your asshole.’ Now this guy says, ‘Whoa whoa, back off. You can’t stick your fist up my asshole.’ I says ‘Tough shit buddy, I’ll stick my fist up your asshole all the way to my elbow.’ And then he says, ‘But my asshole is only *this big*’ So I tells him, ‘Then I guess we’ll have to make it a little wider!’
A man had to visit a hospital after inserting five toy horses up his anus… … the doctors described his condition as stable.
A Horse walks into a bar A Horse walks into a bar. The Bartender sees such a vivid depth of despair and ennui in the Horse’s eyes, like the Horse has stared into the abyss and found the infinite void of nothingness so deep that the Horse could no longer believe that he himself nor anyone nor anything else existed. To say something exists requires knowledge of self, which requires knowledge of existence of the self, an obviously impossible leap of logic, absurd to even attempt to conceive or contemplate. The Bartender, in that single instant within the Horse’s mind, became the nothingness the Horse perceived, and thus was rendered speechless. If neither the Horse, nor the Bartender, nor the bar itself can be said to exist, then why should he ask, how could he ask, why the long face? The question can have no meaning, and that which has no meaning cannot be stated. The Bartender, dumbstruck, not by realization of mortality but by fundamental doubt that he was ever alive, gazes into the endless depth of the Horse’s eyes, and asks him, Sir, I beg you say, do I exist? The Horse replies, Neighhhh…
I’ve always wanted a stable relationship. But in my excitement, I always put the cart before the horse.
A horse walks into a bar… The bartender says, Hey! The horse replies, you read my mind!
A horse walks into a bar. A Horse walks into a bar. The Bartender sees such a vivid depth of despair and ennui in the Horse’s eyes, like the Horse has stared into the abyss and found the infinite void of nothingness so deep that the Horse could no longer believe that he himself nor anyone nor anything else existed. To say something exists requires knowledge of self, which requires knowledge of existence of the self, an obviously impossible leap of logic, absurd to even attempt to conceive or contemplate. The Bartender, in that single instant within the Horse’s mind, became the nothingness the Horse perceived, and thus was rendered speechless. If neither the Horse, nor the Bartender, nor the bar itself can be said to exist, then why should he ask, how could he ask, why the long face? The question can have no meaning, and that which has no meaning cannot be stated. The Bartender, dumbstruck, not by realization of mortality but by fundamental doubt that he was ever alive, gazes into the endless depth of the Horse’s eyes, and asks him, Sir, I beg you say, do I exist? The Horse replies, Neighhhh…
Seeing A Child In Need One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother’s broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark. He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it was. She then asked him to please go get it. The little boy informed his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn’t want to go out to get the broom. His mother smiled and said ‘The Lord is out there too, don’t be afraid’. The little boy opened the back door a little and said ‘Lord if you’re out there, hand me the broom’.
A horse walks into a bar… A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks him Why the long face? The horse replies: My crippling alcoholism has caused my wife to leave me. The bartender says Holy shit a talking horse!
A Zebra dies and goes to heaven While he’s being checked in by St Peter, the zebra says Before I go in, I’d like an answer to one question I’ve always wondered about. Am I a black horse with white stripes, or a white horse with black stripes? St Peter says, That’s a good question. Let me go ask God. So St Peter goes inside, and comes out a few minutes later to announce God says … You Are What You Are. The Zebra looks confused, and asks What is that supposed to mean? St Peter says It means you’re a white horse with black stripes. The Zebra, still confused, says How do you get that? St Peter says Otherwise, God would have said You Is What You Is.
Ralph and Edna Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ‘Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love… I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’ Edna replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, Hey. The horse says, You read my mind, buddy.
3 racehorses named Sugar, Neverlose, and Flower, are hanging out in their stable after a race discussing their past achievements…. Sugar lifts her head proudly and says, Out of the 86 races I’ve been in, I won 80 of them. Neverlose snorts and replies, Oh yeah? Out of the 55 races I’ve been in I won 50 of them. Flower stomps at the ground and says, Hah! I’ve got you all beat, out of the 102 races I’ve been in, I won 101 of them. The Greyhound race-dog that was nearby trying to nap, sits up, stretches, humble brags and says, Bah! You 3 have nothing on me, out of the 116 races I’ve been in, I won all of them. The 3 race horses look at each other in surprise and say in unison, HOLY SHIT!!! …. A TALKING DOG
An elderly man in Louisiana … had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, ‘we’re not coming out until you leave!’ The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.’ Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator…’ Some old men can still think fast….
So what movie do you want to watch? Snakes on a plane — And whats the movie about? — A horse who wants to be a singer
A hermit, a clown, and a witty comeback… FULL DISCLOSURE: This is a shaggy dog story… An old hermit has been living alone in the wilderness for many, many years. He decides that it is finally time to rejoin society. He sees in the local paper that the circus is coming to a nearby town and decides that a circus would be a wonderful way to do so. He takes his seat and first the clowns come out. One sees the old man and says, Hey old man! Are you a horse’s head? Um… no. the old man replies, a little confused over such an odd question. Well, then you must be a horse’s ass! The crowd bursts out laughing. The old man is devastated at the humiliation. His first day, his first interaction in decades and he gets laughed at. He tries to think of a witty comeback but try as he might he can’t think of *anything* to say in response. He hangs his head in shame. The next day he heads to the library to grab a few books on witty comebacks. He reads every one twice. He knows he’s got it. He tracks down the circus a few towns over by now. He buys a ticket, sits down, and the same clown comes out. Seeing the same old man he asks, Hey old man! Are you a horse’s head? No, sir, I am not! The old man replies. Well, then you must be a horse’s ass! Everyone cracks up. The old man thinks and thinks and can’t come up with anything to say back! Once again, he is devastated. Now the old man enrolls himself at university, majoring in the field of witty comebacks. He studies hard and graduates top of his class. He’s confident he’s got it now. The old man finds the circus again and buys a ticket. Sits down. Out come the clowns. He stares intensely at the villainous jester, who stares right back. Hey old man! Are you a horse’s head? No, I ain’t no horse’s head, clown! Then you must be a horse’s ass! The crowd laughs hysterically. The old man knows he’s got this. But try as he might, he still cannot think of anything clever to say in response to this agonizing insult. A degree in witty comebacks and nothing to show for it. He’s furious now, and storms out. The old man has had enough. No way the clown is going to get him again. He buys a ticket for China. He travels to the mountains of the Orient, and studies under the Zen Masters of wit and one-liners. Spending hours, days and nights meditating on the fine art of verbal retaliations. Under a shady tree one evening, he finally achieves Nirvana in the ancient art of witty comebacks. He heads back to the States, and once again finds that circus. He takes his seat, anticipating that it will soon be over. The clown is stunned to see him after all this time, assuming he would have given up by now. You know the question he asks… Hey old man! Are you a horse’s head? No, I ain’t no horses head! Then you must be a horse’s ass! Everyone bursts out laughing. But finally it’s the old man’s time to shine. HEY CLOWN! WHAT, OLD MAN!? The old man clears his throat, takes a deep breath and yells FUUUUUUUCK YOU!
A guy dies and goes to Hell. He’s extremely upset upon finding out where he’s going, but Satan says, Hey! Hey! Don’t worry about it! Actually we get a lot of bad press. Really, it’s not so bad. For example, do you like to drink? Well, yeah, says the man. Great! You’re going to love Mondays! All we do is drink. Every kind of liquor. Beer, wine, rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, champagne, all the best stuff. It’s all free, and you can drink as much as you want, and you get all buzzed but you never get sick and you never get a hangover, because you’re already dead! Wow! Cool! says the fellow, who’s a little bit happier. Do you like to eat? says Satan. Well, of course, says the man. Well, you’re going to love Tuesdays. On Tuesdays all we do is gorge ourselves. There’s a huge buffet, of all the best kinds of food – turkey, venison, caviar, salmon, — and let’s not even talk about the desserts! And you never get overstuffed, and you never get fat, because you’re already dead! Is that ever great! says the man. Oh, it gets better! Do you like to gamble? says Satan. Well, I’ve been to a few casinos in my time… says the man. Well, you’re going to love Wednesdays! All we do is gamble. Roulette, poker, blackjack, baccarat, horse racing, everything, and you never run out of money! Holy cow! says the man. That’s nothing! Do you like to take drugs? Sure! says the man. Well, you’re going to love Thursdays! All we do is do drugs, all day. The best bud you’ve ever had, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, crystal meth, anything you want, and you never have a bad trip, and you never get addicted, because hey, you’re dead! Wow! says the guy, who’s completely enthused. That’s not the end of it! says the Devil. Are you gay? What? says the man. No, I’m not gay. The devil’s face falls. Well then, you’re not gonna like Fridays.
watch me whip. watch me nay nay – a race horse that’s turned the tables on his jockey
entering the mall one day a redneck man comes to the mall riding his horse, the security guy stops him and say: you can’t enter the mall with that horse. the redneck goes home. the next day the redneck slice’s some bread and puts it on the horse’s head, and then goes to the mall riding the horse again. the security guard says to him: i thought i told you that you can’t enter the mall with the horse. then the redneck says: now you’re gonna tell me what to put in my sandwich ??!!
A cowboy and an indian are riding a horse A cowboy and an indian are riding a horse through the middle of the desert. All the sudden the indian tells the cowboy Wait, stop! The cowboy stops the horse. The indian hops off, puts his ear to the ground and says Buffalo come The cowboy, shocked, says Wow! How do you know?! The indian looks up at him and says ’cause ground sticky
A man just bought a religious horse… A man was searching for the fastest and noblest steed. Finally, after much searching, he finally found a horse he was satisfied with. Its mane was silky, its coat was glossy, and it was the finest stallion that the man has ever laid his eyes upon. While paying for the stallion, the seller remembered something important and told him, This is a very religious horse and you have to use special commands to control it. To get it to start moving, instead of shouting ‘giddy-up’, you have to say ‘Praise the Lord!’, and instead of shouting ‘woah’, you have to say ‘amen’. The man, in his excitement, barely acknowledged the statement. He immediately climbed up onto the saddle and shouted Praise the Lord! , and the fine stallion broke into a trot. Thank the Lord! The stallion started to canter. The Lord is almighty! The stallion started galloping faster and faster. Then, as the men neared the edge of the cliff, in his extreme excitement, he forgot the words to stop the horse. Woah The horse did not stop. Woah Once again, the horse kept going. Finally, at the very edge of the cliff, he remembered what the seller said and shouted AMEN . Relieved at his close shave with death, he wiped away his cold sweat and exclaimed, Praise the Lord!
Once in an African Village Once, in an African village, a native man walked up to a farmer with a look of fury on his face. My wife gave birth today, the native growled, and the baby is white! And you’re the only white person within 100 miles of here! The farmer glanced around guiltily for a moment but quickly regained his composure. Look at those goats over there, the missionary said, pointing at the village’s livestock which were horses. All of them are white, except for that black one over there. Sometimes nature works in mysterious ways. The native’s eyes widened, and he nodded at the missionary. I understand, sir. I’ll stop talking about the white baby… and here his voice dropped to a whisper. … And you stop talking about the black horse.
Did you hear the one about a pony with a cough? It was a little horse.
What is the difference between cowboys and rednecks? Cowboys ride horses, rednecks ride their cousins.
The Best Women in Europe An Englishman, A Frenchman and a Russian are debating who has the women. The Englishman says, English women are the best. When they sit on a horse their feet can touch the ground. It’s not because our horses are short, but because English women have the longest legs in Europe! The Frenchman replies, That’s nothing. When you put your hands around a Frenchwoman’s waist your thumbs and fingers touch. It’s not because Frenchmen have long fingers, but because Frenchwomen have the smallest waists in Europe! The Russian, taking a sip from his vodka, looks up and says, You both are wrong. Russian women are the best! When I leave for work I smack my wife’s behind and when I return home it is still jiggling. It’s not because Russian women have big asses, but because Russians have the shortest working day in Europe.
Country girl was tied to a tree and screaming.. for someone to help her. The local sheriff approaches on his horse and dismounts, hearing the calls for help. Sheriff, thank go you are here. said the girl. Two cowboys grab me from behind and raped me for hours and then tied me to this tree. The sheriff starts to walk to her and starts to unbuckle his belt and says.. Ma’am, guess today ain’t your lucky day.
funniest joke you gonna hear today A horse walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender looks at him and says : Get the fuck out you piece of shit !
What is the big hairy thing between Napoleon’s legs? His horse Marengo
A guy dies, and winds up in hell… A guy dies, and winds up in hell… Satan says, You must choose a room in hell to spend the rest of eternity in. Can I see the rooms first? he asks.. Certainly. and Satan shows him the first room, whee he sees a bunch of people, on a wooden floor, standing on their heads. He thinks No way. I can’t do that for eternity He’s shown the second room, where there are a bunch of people on a metal floor, standing on their heads. He thinks I definitely can’t do that for eternity He’s shown the third and final room where, where he sees a bunch of people standing in 2 feet of horse manure, and drinking coffee. He says to himself …well I guess I could get used to the smell. I choose room 3. After 10 minutes in the room, Satan comes in and says Alright, coffee break’s over. Back on your heads!
A politician is trying to get a horse’s vote. So he promises the horse a stable economy. But it wasn’t good enough so the horse said nay. So the politician promises the horse that he won’t bale out the banks anymore. The horse still said nay. What more do you want from me said the politician and horse said I don’t know how to end a joke
A horse walks into a bar The bartender asks why the long face? The horse unable to understand human speech promptly takes a dump on the floor and leaves
A horse walks into a bar A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, why the long face?
Joking in Saudi Arabia Making general jokes about eroticism is a common practice among men, whether single or married, liberal or conservative, young or old, ordinary or elite. Here are some examples of these jokes. A stoned man sent his wife a picture of himself on a horse, with the following caption: I’m on top!!!’. One said to his wife: I want to call you Flower, but flowers wither. I want to call you Moon, but the Moon cannot be seen during the day. So, I have decided to call you Pen*s as it is also attached to me ‘. An old woman went to a pleasure shop and asked the sale man: How much is the red thing over there? The salesman replied: I am afraid that thing is a fire extinguisher ‘. Male chatting is full of erotic innuendos. For example, one would say to friends: I went to work this morning, but I forgot my glasses, so I went all the way back home to get them’. Friends would then comment: Aha, so you went _all the way_? Ha-ha’. So, friends here, restate the phrase all the way’ emphasising intercourse. When some Saudi men are together outside the country, they feel good by describing the elements of the women they run into. They satisfy themselves with so little given their limited access and exposure to women back in their home country. This is an extract from my bestselling book The Bro Code of Saudi Culture.
Is your refrigerator running? Because there is a fucking dead horse inside of it.
A little Indian boy asked his father… …the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe, Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names – Bill, Tex or Sam, for example? His father replied, Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive. For example, your sister’s name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake. Then there’s your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people. It’s very simple and easy to understand. Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?
Newly married couple .. A new bride is being driven home in a buggy by her new husband, and the horse stumbles. The husband gets off and whips the horse and says That’s 1! He climbs back and they continue. A mile later the horse stumbles again and the husband gets off again and whips the horse again and says That’s 2! He remounts and they ride on. Down the road the horse stumbles once more and the husband climbs down, pulls a gun and shoots the horse dead. The new bride says, shocked, How could you do that to that poor innocent animal? The new husband turns to her and says That’s 1!
A Terrible car accident… Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife’s been in a terrible car accident. He rushes to the hospital, runs into the emergency room and says his wife’s been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case. They page the doctor and minutes later he comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones? the doctor asks. Yes sir, what’s happened? How is my wife? The doctor sits next to him and says, Not good news. Your wife’s accident resulted in two fractures of her spine. Oh my God says Mr. Jones, what will be her prognosis? Dr. Smith says Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However,her spine is inoperable. She’ll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed her. Mr. Jones begins to sob. And you’ll have to turn her in her bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia. Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly. Then, of course, the doctor continued, you’ll have to diaper her as she’ll have no control over her bladder and the diapers must be changed throughout the day. Mr. Jones begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails. The doctor continues, You’ll have to clean up her feces on a regular basis as she’ll have no control over her sphincters. Her bowel will engorge whenever and quite often I’m afraid. Of course you must clean her immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent she’ll be emitting regularly. Now Mr. Jones is convulsing sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mass. Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats Mr. Jones on the shoulder. Hey, I’m just fucking with you, she’s dead.
Walks into a bar horsing around A farmer walks into a bar with a horse. He says, I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh. A man yells, I’ll take that bet, and leads the horse into the men’s room. After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. The farmer screams to the man, OK, I’ll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry. The man shouts, You’re on! After a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, How did you do it? The man replies, I said that my d**k was bigger than his and he laughed. Then I showed it to him.
A young man is looking for a job as a blacksmith… he goes to Smithy Joe to see if he can offer him any work. Smithy Joe asks, ‘Have you any experience in the craft?’. The young man says, ‘A little here and there.’ Smithy Joe asks,’Have you ever shoed a horse.’ The young man replies, ‘No, but I once told a donkey to fuck off.’
Why couldn’t Caligula get anything passed in the Roman Senate? His horse kept casting too many neigh votes.
Guy walks into an emergency room with a pain in his butt. So a guy walks into an emergency room complaining about a pain in his ass. A nurse takes him into a room, checks his ass out, and notices a bunch of miniature horse figures shoved up his asshole. Not the worst she’s seen, takes them out and gives the guy some pain meds. A moment later the doctor walks in and asks what’s wrong with the patient. Nurse says don’t worry doctor he’s stable
