Heard this one on Comedy (Sirius Radio) awhile back. It’s by the late Jay Hickman. This boy was sitting on the sidewalk eating candy and then he would pick up a cat and bite it on the ass, then get up and move down the sidewalk and do the same – eat the candy, bite the cat on the ass, get up and move down the side walk. This guy driving by see this and says, Hey, what are doing? The boy says, Playing Truck Driver. Guy says, What is playing truck driver? Boy says, I’m poppin’ pills, eatin’ pussy, and movin’ on down the road!
The Girls’ Night out The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, I promise! Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing he’d probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him 12:00. He didn’t seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, We need a new cuckoo clock. When I asked him why, he said, Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, oh shit, cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted.
What did the cat say to the human after being hit with a baseball bat? Nothing. Cats don’t freaking talk.
There was a fly flying 6 inches above a lake. There was a fly flying 6 inches above a lake. A fish in the lake thinks, If that fly dropped 6 inches I’d get it ! A bear on land thinks, If that fly dropped 6 inches, the fish would jump out of the water, and I’d get it ! A hunter nearby thinks, If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear will go to get the fish, and I’ll shoot the bear. A mouse watching thinks, If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear would go to get the fish, the hunter will go to get the bear, and I’ll steal the cheese off his sandwich ! A cat in hiding thinks, If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear would go to get the fish, the hunter will go to get the bear, the mouse will go get the cheese, and I’ll get that mouse !!! Suddenly, it all happened: The fly dropped 6 inches, the fish got the fly, the bear got the fish, the hunter got the bear, the mouse got the hunter’s cheese, but the cat missed the mouse and fell in the water !!!!! The Moral Of This Story Is……………… Every time a fly drops 6 inches, a pussy gets wet
Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him Do you know how fast you were going? No, but I know exactly where I am Heisenberg replies. The cop says You were doing 55 in a 35. Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts Great! Now I’m lost! The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says Do you know you have a dead cat back here? We do now, asshole! shouts Schrodinger. The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists. oldie but goodie
New Stephen King book! I hear that Stephen King is writing a new book dealing with the horrors of cat ownership. It’s called Pffffffffft!
I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won’t come when I call him.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? I ain’t got cats in my bank account.
There are two cats by the river The first is named One, Two, Three while the second is named Une, Deux, Trois . Which cat makes it across the river first? One, Two, Three makes it across because Une, Deux, Trois Cat Sank.
Offensive jokes 1. What do you do when your dishwasher doesn’t work? Slap her 2. What’s the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne doesn’t come on your face until after it’s 13 3. Why can’t stevie wonder read? Because he’s black 4. What do you call a school bus full of black people? A rotten banana 5. How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an altar boy 6. Why did hitler kill himself? He got his gas bill 7. What did hitler give his daughter for christmas? An easy bake oven 8. How can you tell if an italian has been in your backyard? Your garbage is tipped over and your dog’s pregnant 9. What does the human race and cats have in common? Nobody likes the black ones 10. Did you hear about the chinese couple that had a baby? Yeah they named it sum ting wong 11. How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the chin 12. What’s the worst thing about eating vegetables? Putting it back in the [censored] when you’re done 13. What do 3,000,000 abused women do wrong every year? They don’t listen 14. What’s the difference between a jew and a canoe? A canoe tips 15. How can you tell if a redneck is pregnant? Her tapon is half eaten 16. What’s the nickname for a chinese person? Sleepwalker 17. Why did god give women 3 more brain cells than cows? So they don’t crap on the floor while doing the dishes 18. How do you know if a hillbilly is on her period? She’s only wearing one sock 19. How do you know if your in a jewish household? There’s a fork in the sugar bowl 20. What’s the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? It’s difficult to open the legs of an ironing board 21. What’s the difference between a jew and santa claus? Santa claus goes down the chimney 22. Why did the blonde cross the road? Never mind that, what is she doing out of the kitchen
What is Australian cuisine called? Prison Food Source: 8 out of 10 Cats does Countdown
The teacher asked Jimmy… The teacher asked Jimmy, Why is your cat at school today Jimmy? Jimmy replied crying, Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, ‘I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!’
Two cats race across an ocean Two cats decide to have a race, swimming across an ocean. Their names where One Two Three and Un Deux Trois. You’re probably wondering who won and it was One Two Three, but only because Un Deux Trois cat sank!
A Sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniax are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution. A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution. Let’s have sex with a cat? asked the zoophile. Let’s have sex with the cat and then torture it, says the sadist. Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it, shouted the murderer. Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again, said the necrophile. Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it, said the pyromaniac. There was silence, and then the masochist said: Meow.
Heres a joke only smart people get quickly and dumb people will take forever to figure out So a dog walks up to a cat. The dog asks the cat Hey do you have a bone I can borrow? The cat says No, but I do have some kitty litter my owner gave me The dog says Well, kitty litter is nothing like a bone and the kitten says….. well, its all Ive gotten Figure it out before you scroll to the comments
second language A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, Bow-wow! The cat ran away. What was that, Father? asked Baby Mouse. Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language.
Chickens are Illuminati As of 2011 there is an estimated 19 billion chickens in the world or 3 for every person. What has 3 sides? A triangle. Where can you see triangles? The pyramids. Where are the pyramids? Egypt. What did Egyptians worship? Cats and dogs. Cats and dogs are rivals such as chickens and turkeys. When do people eat turkey the most? Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a few weeks away from Christmas in the USA. What’s on the other side of the world from the USA? Japan. What do Japanese people eat on Christmas? KFC. What is the 3rd letter in KFC? Chicken. Notice how I said 3rd letter; 3rd as in the final side of the triangle. Notice how I have also mentioned chickens 3 times in this theory; 3 sides like 3 sides of a triangle. That makes 3 triangles. When you put 3 triangles together, what do you get? The Tri-force. What is one of the most famous things in the Legend of Zelda? The Tri-force. What do people get mixed up in the Legend of Zelda series? Link and Zelda’s names. Link has a triangle hat. Zelda is the princess of Hyrule. What animal is found in Hyrule? Chickens. What happens when you attack chickens too much in Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past and games after that? A bunch of chickens start flying at you and try to kill you. Wake up, America. Our government is run by lizards and chickens are the Illumunati.
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution. A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution. Let’s have sex with a cat? asked the zoophile. Let’s have sex with the cat and then torture it, says the sadist. Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it, shouted the murderer. Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again, said the necrophile. Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it, said the pyromaniac. There was silence, and then the masochist said: Meow.
Swimming Cats There are 2 cats, an English cat and a French cat, in a contest to swim the English Channel. The English cat is called the one two three cat, and the French cat is called the un deux trois cat. who won? The English cat. The un deux trois quatre cinq.
When a Black Hole Crosses Your Path Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as a cat does.
So if multiple cactus is cacti… NSFW Would a cat (animal) be cat-i?
Is it common? A guy goes to his doctor and says, Doc, something weird is happening to me. When I drive to work, if I’m going past a large pasture I begin to sing ‘The Green Green Grass of Home’ and if I happen to drive past a cat I burst into ‘What’s New Pussycat’! The doctor says, You have Tom Jones Syndrome . The guy says, Is that a common disorder? The doctor says, It’s Not Unusual .
You name your cat Bowl. What would the name on the cat’s bowl be? It would be ‘Bowl’ and all of your friends would leave you because you are an idiot and named your cat Bowl.
So I need you guys’ idea for jokes? So a coworker of mine enjoys sleeping so much that another coworker and I started making jokes about it. Now what started off as just a couple of laughs here and there turned into our very own Chuck Norris jokes. To further explain we used the same structure of the jokes but instead of saying Chuck Norris we used his name, but to protect his identity I am going to say Smith . Here are a couple of examples: -Most people take cat naps but cats take Smith naps. -The Sandman makes people go to sleep but Smith makes The Sandman go to sleep. -People count the hours of sleep they’ll get in a day but Smith counts the hours of the day he’s awake. -People count sheep in their sleep but sheep count Smiths in their sleep We came up with other jokes as well but don’t fit into this category so I am asking you guys to see if you can come up with anything else. I am sure you guys will.
My mouse has stopped working BECAUSE THE FUCKING CAT ATE IT AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA **FUCK**
The March of the Number Line Why was 10 afraid? Because it’s in the middle of 9/11. 10 has since moved past that, but now 10 is afraid of 7. Why? Because seven ate nine. Now that 9 is out of the way and 8 (having the only pair of working handcuffs) is dealing with 7, 10 is no longer afraid, but 6 is. Why you ask? Because 5 is a registered 6 offender. 4 is also in for a bit of trouble on its trip to France. After all, un deux, trois, cat sank. So now that 9 has been eaten, 10 has gone into protective custody, 8 was taken down by 7 (let’s just say he got lucky), 6 has been arrested, 4 drowned in France, 12 decided to run off with a dozen (what a skank). With all the chaos, 2 tragically hung himself (you know how it goes, 2 can be as bad as one, it’s the loneliest number next to number 1), and the teens have seized their opportunity to wage war with the survivors. You know how rebellious they can get. They have been quoted saying the remainder are prime targets. Now with the number line in chaos, the council decided to interfere, they’re regular symbols of justice after all. Pi said this conflict is going in circles! , e said i will fix it! which is a very irrational thing to say, considering everyone knows i isn’t real. Ignoring his comment, x replied I’m not going to pick sides until this has been solved , binary said I’m turned off by the whole thing , negative was also very non plused about the whole situation, and parabola was too busy flirting with x to answer definitively. Then out of nowhere base 10 arrived and corrected the situation with one fell swoop. There has been 00 conflict ever since.
Why did the dog become a lawyer but the cat couldn’t? The cat couldn’t pass the bark exam
A scruffy old drunk walks in to a bar… … and says give me a fucking pint and a whisky pal . The barman says sure, but there’s no need for the bad language though . The old fella drinks his pint down in one go and then pours the whisky in to his coats top pocket. The barman is watching this and just shakes his head thinking the guy is obviously nuts. Another fucking pint and another fucking whisky right now the drunk shouts. The barman again pours his drinks but reminds him about his bad language and suggests he calms down a little. The old fella ignores this and proceeds to drink his pint in one and then pour the whisky into his top pocket. Gis anova pint an anova fuckin’ whisky you bast’ he shouts. The barman is getting pretty fed up at this point. I’ll give you one more drink he says, but your attitude needs to get better real damn quick if you want any more after that . Again the old guy drinks his pint in one and pours his whisky into his pocket. Gis anova fucking pint and whisky you piece of shit barman shit… he slurs. The barman has had enough by now. Sorry Sir it’s time you left . I ain’t goin’ nowhere you bast’ shouts the drunk. Sir if you don’t leave now, I’ll be forced to call the police on you replies the barman. At this the drunk becomes even more aggressive. You filthy bast’, just wanna drink, you fuck. I’ll see you outside now, right now, on the car park you fuckin’ bast’ he screams. And a little mouse pops his head out of his coat pocket and shouts yeah, and bring yer fuckin’ cat . (First ever post, so if I’ve done this wrong then forgive me).
The motorcycle There was a young stud with a vintage motorcycle. He loved his motorcycle! The only problem was, the leather on the seats had aged, and any time it rained he would have to rub the seats with petroleum jelly to protect it from the weather. He meets a girl, and after some time together, she decides to take him to dinner at her parents’ house. The night of the dinner, the new girlfriend tells the young motorcycle stud about the rule during dinner. The rule is that whoever talks during dinner has to wash every dish in the kitchen. She explains that no one has talked during dinner for years, and there are piles upon piles of dishes in the kitchen. Sure enough they get to the parents’ home and the kitchen is an even worse disaster than the girlfriend had described. The parents and the young couple enjoy some friendly small talk before dinner, but as soon as they sit down at the table, not one sound is made. The young stud decides to have a little fun with the situation. He throws his girlfriend on the table, pulls her pants down, and starts making passionate love to her. The girl’s parents are noticeably angry. But no one utters a word. Having gone this far, the young stud decides to push his luck a little further. He grabs the mother and starts having sex with her. The mother is a little surprised, the girlfriend is mad, and the father is furious, but no one says a word. All of the sudden, it starts to rain cats and dogs. The young stud reaches into his bag and grabs his petroleum jelly. The father throws down his napkin, stand up and says, Alright, alright, I’ll do the dishes!
A guy walks into a bar…. He orders a drink, and notices a woman, softly crying to herself at the end of the bar. He asks her what’s wrong, and she tells him that her husband has just left her. This is going to sound crazy, he replies, but my wife just left me as well. Do you mind if I as why she left you? She tells him that her husband left her because she’s just too kinky in bed, and he just can’t handle it. That’s amazing! he responds. You’re not going to believe this, but my wife left me for exactly the same reason! Obviously, these two hit it off, and they end up back at her place. She tells the man to strip naked while she slips into something a little more uncomfortable. She goes into the bedroom and puts on her sluttiest leather bondage gear, she selects her fiercest whip, a pair of handcuffs, a few miscellaneous plugs and dildos, and heads back into the living room. She finds the man putting on his hat and coat, as if getting ready to leave. Wait a minute, she asks, puzzled. I thought we were going to have some balls deep kinky sex? Well, he replies, I just fucked your cat and took a shit in your purse…I’m pretty much good.
My friend and I were walking through a farm I ask him, How many legs does that rooster have? It has 2 legs How many hairs does that cat have? I don’t know Why do you know so much about cock and so little about pussy?
Masturbation Sometimes I masturbate into my big pussy cat and jerk off into my computer
The teacher asked Jimmy Why is your cat at school today Jimmy? Jimmy replied crying, Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, ‘I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!’
The teacher asked Jimmy, Why is your cat The teacher asked Jimmy, Why is your cat at school today Jimmy? Jimmy replied crying, Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, ‘I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!’
Some guys are talking to eachother Scientist: I like chemicals Guy: have you seen nyan cat on YouTube? Scientist: I’ve made a neon cat Guy: have you seen double rainbow all the way? Scientist: there is a 0.00016728% chance of a double rainbow happening Guy: have you ever gone on reddit? Scientist: do to my calculations we’re inside of Reddit Guy: what, HOW? Scientist: look, you have no body Guy: wha- how? Scientist: look outside the box! ——-m(•()•)m——
So a fly is hovering 6 inches above a stream… So a fly is hovering 6 inches above a stream, and a fish swimming below thinks to itself, If the fly drops 6 inches i can swim up and eat it, .Then the nearby bear thinks to itself, If the fly drops 6 inches, then the fish will go for the fly and i can eat the fish, . Then the hunter in his boat thinks to himself, If the fly drops 6 inches, the fish will go for the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and i can get a good shot at the bear, . Then the nearby mouse thinks to itself, If the fly drops 6 inches the fish will go for the fly, the bear will go for the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, and while he’s distracted i can eat his crackers, . Then the hunters cat thinks to itself, If the fly drops 6 inches, the fish will go for the fly, the bear will go for the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, the mouse will eat the cracker, and i can pounce on the mouse. Finally lo and behold, the fly dropped 6 inches, so the fish ate the fly, so the bear ate the fish, so the hunter shot the bear, and the mouse at his crackers, but when the cat pounced on the mouse it missed and landed in the water. The morale: When a fly drops 6 inches, a pussy gets wet ___________________________________________________ so much buildup for a mediocre joke….I’m sorry
There was a lady, who had a dog that she loved There was a lady, who had a dog that she loved, and he followed her everywhere. One morning she woke up, went to the bathroom, came out, and realized that her dog wasn’t at her feet. She found him in his bed ”sleeping”. She called his name, but he didn’t get up. So she took him to the vet and told the vet that her dog wouldn’t wake up. So he looked at her dog and said, ”Your dog is dead”. She asked the doctor to perform another test to be sure. The doctor went into another room, and came back with a cage. In it there was a cat. He let the cat out, and she walked arund the dog, sniffed, and went back in her cage. The doc put the cat back in the other room. He came out and said again, ”Your dog is dead”. She was like ”Ok, how much do I owe you?” The doctor said ”$300” She said, ”What!?!? How could it cost that much??” He said ”$15 for me to say he was dead. Then $285 for the cat scan”
The Cat and The Husband A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further, but the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: Jen, is the cat there? Yes , the wife answers, why do you ask? I’m lost, says the man, and I need the cat to give me directions home.
The teacher asked… – Why did you bring your cat today Jimmy? – He replied, crying, Because I heard my daddy tell mommy, ‘I’m going to eat that pussy once Jimmy leaves for school!’
What is the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of it’s paws, a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
The military may have invented the Internet The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. In the ’60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab.
A child brings his hamster to the vet… and the vet says ‘i’m sorry, your hamster died’. the child started crying and the mother asked if he was sure and if there was anything he could do. The vet went to the back brought out a black lab, which proceeded to bark at the hamster with no response. still not convinced, they requested if anything else could be done. the vet went to get a cat, which hissed and swatted at the hamster with no response. after this the family came to terms with the hamsters death. the bill is given to the family and they are charged $500 dollars. the mother says $500 dollars to tell me a hamster is dead?!? the vet replied it normally cost $20 , but you ordered the lab tests and the cat scan . not new, but haven’t seen it on here.
what do Chinese people say when it is sunny outside. what do Chinese people say when it is sunny outside i wish it was raining cats and dogs that would be dericious
There was a rover on Mars This rover was on Mars, looking for life forms. Suddenly, it saw a cute odd feline creature. This feline had whiskers and fur, and it meowed a lot. The rover then got scared and drove over it. Looks like Curiosity killed the cat.
A little girl walks up to her dad with new pants… She holds them up to him and says: Daddy, look at my new pants. The dad thought they looked like shit, so he ripped them in half. The little girl ran off and cried. The next day the little girl walked up to her dad with a cat. She said; Daddy look at my new cat, I named her ‘pussy’. The dad got so angry that all he could do was shake the cat violently. He then threw the cat on the ground and it ran away. So did the girl. The day after that the little girl came home with a dog and showed it to her dad. She said; Daddy look at my new dog, I named him ‘ass’. The father disapproved and kicked the dog out of the house. The little girl ran out, sat on the curb, and cried. A few minutes passed and a police officer came walking by. He said to the girl; Whats wrong little girl? The girl, in tears, yelled: MY DADDY RIPPED MY PANTS, SHOOK MY PUSSY AND KICKED MY ASS OUT OF THE HOUSE! (Thank you to the guy I can’t remember who told me this in 7th grade.)
The Abominable Night This joke takes place in a regular September night, somewhere in a city. *A black cat with a little white spot on the neck is sitting on a stonewall, slowly swaying her tail from side to side. Her eyes are focused on a man walking across the street.* He enters the pub. Rather sad looking he takes a seat at the counter and orders two double whiskies. As soon as they arrive, he pours them down and orders the next. *If the cat outside had the possibility and and the necessary desire to see what was happening inside the pub, she would have witnessed this scenario over and over again for quite some time. But she didn’t.* Meanwhile in the bar, a woman approaches the man. She sits down next to him and starts talking. Her name is quite interesting and strange sounding, but irrelevant for the sake of this joke. The two share a few words, compliments and shots and leave the bar. They go to his place and straight into the bedroom. Slowly the door closes behind them, leaving nothing in the hallway but the reflection of the moonlight on the floor, and some rhythmic noises coming through the door. ___ A few hours pass. ___ *Outside, the cat has come to a decision. After stretching herself just long enough, she jumps from the wall and ambles towards the big tree. She hears the water splashing from behind the tree, coming from a small river. And behind that river, she had seen another big tree. If her observations turn out to be correct, the branches of the two trees should at one point be close enough to go for the jump.* The man slowly wakes up. He starts to remember that he brought a woman home last night and turns over to her side. Gasping. The sheer look of horror. Everything. Covered. In. Blood. * I must have killed her! * he thinks to himself. He rushes into the living room and looks into his safe where his pistol and bullets are stored. But everything is where it is supposed to be. * How? * he asks himself, running into the kitchen to check on his Asian knife collection. But like in the safe, everything is there – clean and not bloody. He tumbles towards the bathroom, where he sees himself in the mirror. Gasping. He is shocked. With the sudden realization dizziness comes over him. * Dear Lord.. *, he’s stuttering, * I must have eaten her. *. *Outside, the cat has reached the furthest branch of the tree on her side. Standing here, ready to jump, the distance to the other tree suddenly appears farther. But she had come so far, why stop now. She takes a deep breath and jumps. Unfortunately she doesn’t make it, so she falls down into the water.* tl;dr: Long foreplay, wet pussy. [8]
Three American salesmen were caught in a Middle Eastern harem. One tried to explain A cab driver told us this was a cat house and snuck us in the back door. No excuses! the Emir shouted. Any man who enters my harem must pay dearly! He then became very thoughtful. If you were my people, you would be put to death at once. But tensions are high and beheading Americans would cause more trouble than you’re worth. He thought for a while more, and then smiled. I think I know a fitting punishment. You — he said, pointing to the first one. What do you do for a living? I sell equipment to butchers. You know, knives and meat slicers. Excellent, the Emir said. We will use one of your cleavers to cut off your penis! He turned to the second one. What do you sell? Fire equipment. Hoses and extinguishers. Excellent, the Emir said. We shall burn off your penis! He turned to the third and said What do you sell? Lollipops.
A guy and his cat… So a man is talking with his friend who has a cat. The friend talks about he is lonely and starts vigorously petting the cat. The cat starts hissing and meowing angrily. The man says I don’t know man, seems like you get mad pussy!
An English professor told his class that they wouldn’t be meeting for a few weeks. I don’t want you to worry, said the professor, but I’m going to be out for a while. My doctor found some tumorous neoplasm on a CAT scan and wants me to have it removed before it develops into cancer. The students started muttering, but one of the snarky pre-med students in the back of the classroom raised his hand. Professor, that was redundant. Neoplasm and tumors are the same thing. I doubt any doctor would have called it ‘tumorous neoplasm.’ The English professor smirked. You’re right. I just always wanted to make a [pleonasm](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pleonasm) out of ‘neoplasm.’
Why is my cat at school today . The teacher asked Jimmy, Why is your cat at school today Jimmy? Jimmy replied crying, Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, ‘I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!’
