Little Johnny is in Sunday School, and little Mary Margaret in the front row pipes up, Sister Jean, what part of our body gets to heaven first? And the sister Jean smiles and asks, Well what do you think, class? What part of your body gets to heaven first? Tommy raises his hand, I think it’s your hands, ‘cuz that’s what you pray with. Oh lovely, Thomas. says sister Jean Then little Mary Margaret chimes in again I think it’s your heart, ‘cuz that’s where Jesus lives Sister Jean clutches her chest, Beautiful, dear. But then Johnny shouts, It’s your LEGS! Sister Jean looks stunned, Your legs, John? Why?! Last night I went in my mommy and daddy’s room, and mommy was on the bed, with her legs in the air going ‘OH GOD, I’M COMING!’
Timmy and Johnny having a relaxing day at the house. Timmy and Johnny, two brothers were having a relaxed day at the house, Timmy, the older one was out splitting wood when Johnny comes and asks him if he could help, Timmy asks in reply Can your pecker touch your asshole? Johnny says No. and Timmy tells him when his pecker can touch his asshole he can help him with the wood. Timmy then went to clean his gun, and, once again Johnny asks Timmy if he can help. Timmy asks him again Can your pecker touch your asshole? Johnny says no. so Timmy tells him that he can help clean the gun when his pecker can touch his asshole. Later in the evening Timmy is watching a scary movie and Johnny asks him if he can watch it too and the same exchange happens can your pecker touch your asshole? no. you can watch it when your pecker can touch your asshole. The next morning Johnny is having the last doughnut for breakfast, and Timmy asks him if he could have a small piece. So Johnny asks him Can your pecker touch your asshole? Timmy replies, Yes, yes it can. to which Johnny retorts Then go fuck yourself.
Oh johnny.. Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, Mom, what are those things on your chest? Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn’t forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she’ll float to heaven. Johnny thinks that’s neat and asks no more questions. A few weeks later, Johnny’s dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, Daddy! Daddy! Mommy’s dying! His father says, Calm down, son! Why do you think Mommy’s dying? Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy’s balloons and she’s screaming, Oh God, I’m coming!’
The teacher in science class asks Little Johnny… Why do African American people have yellow eyes? Johnny , a little confused , waits for a moment , before replying back, OH , i know! it’s from all the pepper spray!
$200 Little Johnny was in his maths class one day when the teacher said to him If I gave you $200, the teacher began, and you gave $50 to Mary, $50 to Sally, $50 to Susan and $50 to Amy, what would you have? An orgy, Johnny answered.
A 9 year old patient in the hospital i work at had to have his leg amputated. He asked the doctor will my leg ever grow back? The Doctor replied sorry Johnny, you only limb once
The Shiny Watch of Jimmy Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. Did you get that for your birthday? asked Johnny. Nope. replied Jimmy. Well, did you get it for Christmas then? Again Jimmy said Nope. You didn’t steal it, did you? asked Johnny. No, said Jimmy. I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they were doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me. Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy’s new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents’ bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking. Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily. What do you want now? I wanna watch, Johnny replied. Without missing a stroke, his father said, Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet.
The man who knew everyone A friend of mine named Larry once told me, around the time of Bill Clinton’s 2nd inauguration, You know, President Clinton and I are buddies. I said, Sure you are. He said, No, really! Just turn on your TV tonight to the Inaugural Ball. You’ll see me. Sure enough, I turned on the TV that night, and there was Larry, talking to President Clinton with his arm around the guy. Not long after, I was talking to Larry about how much I admired Johnny Depp as an actor. Larry said, Oh, he’s a good friend. I said, Noooo! Larry said, Let’s hop in my car . He drove me to the bar Johnny Depp owns, and as we sipped drinks, Johnny happened to walk by, immediately exclaimed Larry! and fell into Larry’s arms. This was getting spooky. I was becoming a believer, but then one day we were having another conversation and Larry said something about my friend the Pope. I said, You can’t know him, too! Larry said, Wanna bet? Larry happens to be very well off, so he flew the both of us to Rome. We took a cab to St. Peters Square. We were standing in the big crowd below the balcony of the Pope’s apartment. Larry said, Excuse me for a little while and disappeared into the crowd. A little while after that, John Paul appeared on the balcony and started blessing people. And who should be up there beside him but…you guessed it! I was utterly amazed! I nudged a fellow standing next to me, pointed to the balcony, and said, Look! The guy shaded his eyes with his palm, peered up at the balcony, turned back to me, and said, Who’s that guy up there with Larry?
Johnny’s wife Suzy is upset… …Johnny has forgot their anniversary. Suzy says, If tomorrow I don’t see a shiny, metal object that can go from 0 to 300 in a few seconds by tomorrow, I’m leaving you! The next day, Johnny wakes up early and goes to work. Suzy wakes up, looks into the driveway and sees a big box sitting there. Suzy runs down and opens it. Inside she finds bathroom scales.
Acid Vs. Holy Water Little Johnny was sitting in the dirt tormenting ants and spiders and things, pouring liquid on them and watching them sizzle. The parish priest, Father Murphy, walked past and enquired, What’s in the bottle, Johnny? Sulphuric Acid, Father, the boy said with savage glee. The priest, wishing to deter the lad from these savage entertainments, said, you shouldn’t use that. You should use this wonderful Holy Water I have here in this bottle. What bloody good’s that? the lad asked querulously. Well, said the priest, yesterday I poured some of this on a woman’s stomach, and she passed a baby! That’s nuthin. said Johnny. I poured some of this on the cat’s arse and it passed a fuckin’ motobike!
Human Body The teacher asks, Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited? Flora blushes and says, That’s disgusting, I won’t even answer that question. The teacher calls on Johnny: What part of the human body increases ten times when excited? That’s easy, says Johnny. It’s the pupil of the eye. Very good, Johnny, responds the teacher. That’s correct. She then turns to Flora and says, First, you didn’t do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you’re in for a BIG disappointment.
Mommy caught cheating! Daddy has a sneaking suspicion that his wife is cheating on him while he’s at work, so he decides to call home to have his son Johnny check on her. The phone rings, Johnny picks up. Dadddy: Johnny is that you? Can you do me a favor and go check what your mom is doing right now? Johnny goes and checks, and returns to the phone. Johnny: She’s in bed, sleeping. Daddy: Alone? Johnny: No! Daddy: God damn it, I knew it! Ok Johnny I need you to listen very carefully. I need to you go to the closet and grab the hatchet from the wall, and then come back to the phone. Johnny gets the hatchet and returns to phone. Daddy: OK, now I want you to go to the bedroom and chop both of those cheating bastards up into small pieces. Johnny does as instructed and creates a bloody mess in the bedroom. He returns to the phone. Johnny: Ok now what? Daddy: Ok, now I want you to take all the body parts and bury them in the back yard. Johnny: What back yard? We live in a fourth floor apartment. Daddy: Ooops, wrong number!
The Golden Bar A man comes home late at night and he is pretty smashed. His wife who was worried sick asks Where the hell have you been? The Golden Bar , the man replies. It’s an awesome place. They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer of course and even a golden urinal. The wife is not convinced that her husband is telling the truth, so she looks up the Golden Bar in the phonebook and calls them up. Do you really have golden chairs at your bar? Absolutely ma’am. And what about golden glasses? Indeed we do. And golden beers? Most certainly. And even a golden urinal? Hold on a minute ma’am Johnny, I think I have a lead on the guy who pissed in your saxophone. http://lordsofthedrinks.com/2014/09/16/joke-the-golden-bar/
Johnny learns a moral The teacher tells the students to go home and learn a moral for homework. The next day the teacher started with Sarah asking her what moral she learned. I was helping my momma bring in the groceries and the bag ripped and I dropped the milk and started to cry and my momma said don’t cry over spilled milk . The teacher told her that was good and gave her a B. Next she called on Michael. He said All day long I was thinking about all of the candy I had in my drawer and how I was gonna eat it all but when I got home I found out my brother ate half of my candy. I told my dad and said never count all of your chickens before they hatch . The teacher being impressed with his story she gave him a B+. Now she picked Johnny. He starts off with One day my father was in the war stuck in a foxhole with a gun with 10 bullets, 2 hand grenades, and a fifth of whiskey . The teacher gives him a glare and he he continues on with his story. Well first he drank the whole fifth of whiskey in five huge gulps and stood up and threw one grenade killing five people and threw the second one killing seven more people then he stood up and killed a person with every bullet with the gun . The teacher looked at Johnny and asked him What moral did you learn from that ? Without missing a beat Johnny said The moral of the story is…Don’t fuck with my dad when he’s been drinking .
Foul mouthed first grader There was a first grader named Johnny that took every opportunity he could to curse or say something crude. His teacher was always reluctant to call on him during class but sometimes she had no choice. One day they were doing an exercise where each student had to come up with a word based on a letter from the alphabet assigned to them. Johnny got the letter ‘R’. The teacher calls on him, holding her breath and Johnny blurts out, Rat . The teacher let out a sign of relief and was about to call on another student but before she can Johnny climbs on top of his desk, with his arms stretched as wide as he can, and shouts: With a fuckin’ dick this big!
School Joke Principal: I’ve had complaints about you, Johnny, from all of your teachers. What have you been doing? Johnny: Nothing, sir. Principal: Exactly!
15 years ago 15 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope, and no Jobs. Don’t die Kevin Bacon!!
Johnny Fuckerfaster Once there was a boy named Johnny Fuckerfaster. He was having sex with a girl under the porch and his mom came out looking for him. Johnny! his mom called Shh said johnny to the girl, still fucking her. JOHNNY! his mom hollered Shh said johnny, trying to hurry up and finish JOHNNY FUCKERFASTER! his mom shrieked Jeezus christ ma I’m going as fast as I can! yelled Johnny.
Johnny and his girlfriend (NSFW) Johnny and his girlfriend are out on a date, and after the movie decide they want to get frisky. They pull off the side of the road and things start getting hot and heavy. It turns out she’s on her period, so they don’t have sex, but Johnny still decides to fingerbang her. Suddenly there’s a tap on the window, which luckily has fogged up. Johnny rolls down the window and a cop asks, What are you two doing in there? and Johnny says Eating pizza. Then licks his fingers. *This one is much better delivered in person, and sucking on the tips of your fingers when delivering the punchline.
Breakfast A teacher asks Johnny, What did you have for breakfast today? Johnny replies, I et six eggs. The teacher says, Wow, but don’t you mean ate? Johnny says, Hmmm….Maybe it was eight eggs I et.
Why does Mr Tayto carry a phone in his top pocket? In case Johnny Onion Rings!
(NSFW) Getting Screwed Thousand Times Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, But she belonged to someone else… One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, I’ll give you a £100 if you let me have sex with you. But the girl said NO. Johnny said, I’ll be fast. I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I’ll be finished by the time you pick it up. She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend… So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, Ask him for £200, pick up the money very fast, he won’t even be able to get his Pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. … She responded, The bastard used coins!
The teacher asked Johnny, Why is your cat at school today Johnny? Johnny replied crying, Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, ‘I am going to eat that pussy once Johnny leaves for school today!’
One more Little Johnny joke A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him, If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left? Johnny says, None. The teacher asks, Why? Johnny says, Because the shot scared them all off. The teacher says, No, two, but I like how you’re thinking. Johnny asks the teacher, If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married? The teacher says, The one sucking her ice cream. Johnny says, No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking!
Little Johnny fell asleep in Sunday school… The teacher asked, Johnny, who is our Lord and savior? The boy behind him poked him in the back with a pin. Johnny shot upright and shouted, Jesus Christ! Correct, said the teacher. Johnny then fell back asleep. The teacher called on him again, Johnny, who was Jesus’s mother? Again, the boy behind Johnny poked him. Johnny woke up again and exclaimed, Mary mother of God! Correct, said the teacher once more. Johnny fell back asleep. The teacher called on him one last time, Johnny, can you tell me what Eve said to Adam after she gave birth to their 23rd child? The boy behind him poked him once more. Johnny shot up and shouted, YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONCE MORE AND I’LL SNAP IT IN HALF!
Young Miss Cadence is teaching calculus and asks Johnny: ‘Johnny, 3 crows are sitting on the roof of the barn. You get your gun and shoot one down. How many crows are left on the roof?’ After a long contemplation Johnny answers: None, Miss Cadence. Miss Cadence looks surprised and asks him to try again. I’m sure it’s none. You shoot one down and the other crows fly again Young Miss Cadence giggles and comments : No, Johnny.. It’s two. But I like the way you think I’ve got a question for you to Miss Cadence. Three young women are eating an ice-cream in the park. The first woman licks the icecream, the second woman bites the icecream and the third woman licks and sucks the icecream. Which woman is not married Miss Cadence? Johnny asks Miss Cadence giggles and immediately blushes and whispers the woman which licks and sucks the icecream No , Johnny answers. It’s the woman without the ring on her finger. But I like the way you think.
Johnny’s first day of prison. Johnny first arrived at the prison just before lunch. When he got to the mess hall, he noticed everyone burst out into laughter. Hey, everyone, look at this one! 42, am I right? one guy shouted. Nah, Frank, 65! This went on all through lunch, with Johnny feeling quite puzzled at the random numbers being shouted. When he got back to his cell, he turned to his cellmate and she him about all the commotion. Oh, you see, most of us have been here so long, we’ve heard all the jokes already. So much, in fact, that we’ve just numbered ’em. The next morning at breakfast, the hilarity began again. At the first sign of silence, Johnny shouted, 12! No one even so much as chuckled for the rest of the meal. Back at the cell, he turned to his cellmate and asked, Why didn’t anyone laugh at my joke? You didn’t say it right.
A blonde visited a bar… A blonde visited a bar for the first time, sat at the table in front of the bartender. A guy at her left ordered, Jack Daniels, Single A guy at her right ordered, Johnny Walker, Single The bartender looked at the lady, said , and what about you? Lady replied, Amber Smith, Married
That’s my beaver. Little Johnny happened to wander into the guest bathroom one morning and noticed his grandmother taking a shower. After a moment of peering through the glass shower door, Johnny asked, Grandma, what’s that? Startled, his grandmother replied, That’s my beaver. Now, run along and give me some privacy. Satisfied with her answer, Johnny ran off to play elsewhere. Several days later, Johnny wandered into his parents’ bathroom where he witnessed his mother showering this time. Johnny pointed at his mother’s crotch and declared, Mommy, I know what that is! His mother decided to humor the young lad. Oh really, Johnny? What do you think it is? That’s your beaver, mommy. Grandma has one too but hers is dead because it’s tongue is hanging out.
Halloween Pirate Joke Little Johnny dressed up as a pirate. He rang the first door bell and a woman answered. Hello! she said. What are you dressed up as? Johnny replies (with his speech impediment), A birate. A what? asked the woman. A BIRATE! said Johnny. The woman replied, Oh, you mean a pirate. Well tell me Mr. Pirate, where are your bucannears? Johnny looked at her weirdly and said, They’re on my buckin’ HEAD!
Little Billy Little Billy wakes up full of excitement on Christmas day. He rushes downstairs as fast as his little legs will carry him. Being from a poor family his parents can’t afford much but he’s grateful for what he receives. A small pile of inexpensive gifts are quickly opened by the young boy. A little while later Little Billy asks his mother if he can call round to see his friend Johnny next door to see what he got for Christmas. His mother agrees but tells him not to be too long because she’s preparing Christmas dinner. Johnny opens the door to Little Billy, hardly able to hide his excitement Johnny invites his friend inside. Little Billy see stack upon stack of expensive gifts, A games console, tablet computer, new bicycle, a whole new wardrobe of clothes and piles and piles of toys. The room is literally stuffed with goodies. Wow says Little Billy, You got loads, didn’t you. Johnny nods his head, a big beaming smile plastered across his face. Little Billy looks at all the wonderful presents filling the room then turns to his friend and says. You know what Johnny, There’s times I wish I had leukaemia too.
The train set Little Johnny gets a train set for his birthday he sets it up and builds a station out of lego. When the train pulls into the station he says Who ever wants to get the fuck on, get the fuck on! Who ever wants to get the fuck off, get the fuck off. Johnny’s mom is in the kitchen and hears this but she assumes it must have been the tv or something outside but she pays closer attention to Johnny. Sure enough the train pulls into the station again and he says who ever wants to get the fuck on, get the fuck on! Who ever wants to get the fuck off, get the fuck off! She goes and grabs him and tells him to go to his room for two hours because we do not talk like this in this house. Two hours pass and she goes and gets him out of the room and explains why we don’t talk like that. He apologizes and goes back downstairs to play with his new train set. The train pulls into the station and he says who ever wants to get the fuck on, get the fuck on! Who ever wants to get the fuck off, get the fuck off! If you have a problem with the two hour delay then talk to the fat cunt in the kitchen
Little Johnny saw two dogs having sex in the park… … so he asks his mother what’s going on. The mom isn’t ready to have that talk yet, so she makes up a story. Well, Johnny, she says, the doggie in the back hurt its front paws, so the one in the front is helping him get home. Johnny thinks about that for a moment and then says, Wow, so dogs are just like people, aren’t they? The mom is puzzled by that. What do you mean, Johnny? Well, says Johnnie, you try to help someone and you just end up getting screwed.
Little doctor Johnny A woman brings 10 year old Johnny home and tells his mother that she caught him playing Doctors and Nurses with her 10 year old daughter, Mary. Johnny’s mother says, ‘Lets not be too harsh on them, they are bound to be curious about sex at that age.’ ‘Curious about sex? He’s taken her fucking appendix out!’
Little Johnny Johnny was a chemist’s son, but Johnny is no more. For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
Johnny Plays Doctor With Mary A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter. Johnny’s mother says, Let’s not be too harsh on them…they are bound to be curious about sex at that age. Curious about sex? replies Mary’s mother. He’s taken her fucking appendix out!
Little Johnny walked in one day on his daddy in the bathroom… He asked his father what that was hanging between his legs. His father replied that it was the perfect penis. The next day at school, Johnny pulled his pants down in front of his classmates. ”What’s that?” asked Jenny. ”Well,” said Johnny, ”if it was about 3 inches smaller, it would be the perfect penis.”’
Little Johnny isn’t paying attention in class… So the teacher asks him, If there are three birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one, how many are left? Johnny replies None. The teacher asks why and Johnny says, Because the shot scared them off. The teacher says, The answer is two, but I like how you’re thinking. Johnny then asks the teacher, If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married? The teacher replies, The one sucking her ice cream. Johnny replies, No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking!
Johnny brought his cat to school… The teacher asks him, Johnny why did you bring your cat today? He replies, crying, Because this morning I heard daddy tell mommy, ‘I’m gonna eat that pussy when Johnny leaves for school today.’
Johnny: Will you marry me? Johnny: Will you marry me? Jenny: You have to ask my father first. Johnny: (later) Well, I asked him. Jenny: And what did he say? Johnny: He said he’s already married.
Geometry Johnny was in class when his teacher asked him to use the word geometry in a sentance. Johnny thought for a moment and then said ok. Once there was an acorn that fell on the ground. Some fell on it and it sprouted. The roots went into the ground and the stock grew upwards. A year passed and the acorn looked around himself and said, Gee, I’m a tree!
Not-so lil Johnny anymore Tired of Johnny’s bed wetting, his mommy comes up with a way she could teach him to do it right by himself and so, she calls on Johnny, tells him the following set of steps to follow the next time he would pee. She told Johnny to shout the number out loud so that she could hear him from behind the door. And the steps go like this 1 – Open the flier 2 – Hold it out and aim for the centre 3 – Pull the skin backwards and give it a gentle shake and pull it back forwards 4 – Put it back in the sack and close the flier And within just a few weeks, she was happy that it was working quite well as she could hear johnny read the numbers out loud 1,2,3 and 4 until one fine day, when all she could hear Johnny say was 1,2,3,3,3,3,3,3,3,3,3,3…….
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she was dating someone else Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she was dating someone else. One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, I’ll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO. Johnny said, I’ll be fast. I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I’ll be finished by the time you pick it up. She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won’t even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She replied ”I’ve only just finished picking it up, the bastard used change”
Johnny’s parents hired a tutor to help him with statistics after his first session with the tutor, his parents asked him how it went. johnny said well, today i learned that correlation is not equal to causation johnny’s mother was pleased: so hiring this tutor is really helping you understand statistics!? johnny responded well, not necessarily.
Little Johnny was in class one afternoon And the teacher asked him to come to the front and tell the class what he had done that weekend, hoping that it would be a nice clean story (ok…) Well miss, me and my mate grabbed a frog from the stream and shoved a firecracker up his arse th- Feeling a bit flustered and trying to inject bit of proffesionalism into the situation she inturupts him and stammers R-rectum Johnny! Wrecked ‘im miss? We blew his fucking balls off!
Due to an extremely rare condition, little Johnny is born with nothing but a head… No arms, legs or body, just a head. His parents love him anyway and do everything they can to make sure he has the most normal childhood possible. They shower him with affection and gifts, and try to make him feel like a normal boy. The years pass by, and one day the family doctor calls. The parents listen in amazement as the doctor tells them: It’s a long shot, but we just had a well preserved ten-year-old body come in, as the result of a tragic car accident. This could be something that works for Johnny. It will be very challenging, but we may be able to do a transplant. The parents are overcome with joy. It feels like the answer to prayers, especially so close to Christmas. They schedule the operation to take place as soon as possible. The parents then walk up to Johnny’s room. With glistening tears and a trembling voice, Johnny’s mother says to her son: Johnny, guess what you might be getting for Christmas? To which Johnny snarls: I don’t know, but IT BETTER NOT BE ANOTHER FUCKING HAT!!!!
Johnny is Jesus’ new cook. Johnny has a quick temper and swears frequently but he is still one of the good guys. So when he dies, he goes to heaven. Once there, he’s assigned a most prestigious job. He’s to be the new cook of his lord and savior jesus christ. First day on the job, Johnny prepares a delicious lasagna. The cooking job comes with the delivery job so that Johnny needs to bring the meal to jesus in person. Which of course he’s an honor. Problem is Jesus lives on the 50th floor of the central heaven building and there are no elevators in the technology-averse heaven. Johnny patiently climbs the stairs but when he’s one step from reaching jesus’ doors he drops the tray and swear Jesus fucking christ! . Jesus hears the curse from inside and when he gets out says Hey Johnny, nothing personal but you should really avoid swearing here in heaven . Johnny ask for forgiviness, which needless to say is promptly granted, and then leaves. On the second day, Johnny climbs all the stairs and once again drops the tray on the last steps. Goddamit! Stupid fucking tray! he shouts. Once again christ freindly reprimands him but still insists he should not swear in heaven. You really need to work on your anger-management he says. On the third day, Johnny is on the last flight of stairs when he sees christ waiting for him on the floor landing. John is about to make the last step but then throws the tray on the ground and calmly states Alas, I dropped the tray once again . Jesus looks a little bit daunted but proceeds to explain Man, it’s not anger-management if you drop it willingly . Johnny leaves with a frustrated look. On the fourth day, Johnny is on the last flight of stairs once again,tray in hand, he sees jesus waiting for him and is so happy to finally be there and in control that he misteps and crash on the stairs together with the tray. Alas, how unfortunate he says, glad he could control his temper. Goddamit, man, you call that unfortunate? For the fuckety fuck, it’s been four days since I had my last supper. Jesus fucking christ! TL;DR: Too much is too much
Leaked CSI Reno script. Detective: Why did you do it Johnny, why did you shoot him? Psycho-killer: Just to watch him die…
Little Johnny Little Johnny asks his mother her age. She replies, Gentlemen don’t ask ladies that question. Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs. Again his mother replies, Gentlemen don’t ask ladies that question. The boy then asks, Why did Daddy leave you? To this, his mother says, You shouldn’t ask that, and sends him to his room. On the way, Johnny trips over his mother’s purse. When he picks it up, her driver’s license falls out. Johnny runs back into the room. I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an ‘F’ in sex!
Marital prejudice/ politics amongst fruit Q: What did Mr & Mrs Rockmelon say to their daughter when she wanted to run off with Johnny Watermelon? A: But you cantaloupe!
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