Five Blondes and a blind man..! A blind man walks into a bar, makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender. Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke? The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair that you should know five things.Number One. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.Number Two. The bouncer is a blonde girl.Number Three. I’m a six-foot-tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.Number Four. The woman sitting next to meis blonde and a professional weightlifter.Number Five. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.She concludes by smugly asking, Now thinkabout it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke? The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five f*cking times.
Why do blondes have big belly buttons? Their boyfriends are also blonde. [A joke I heard in grade 6.]
A Brunette confessed something to her blonde friend The Brunette said I feel bad…. I slept with a guy. Ughh well, to be honest, it wasn’t Just a guy, it was a Brazilian. . Then the Blonde said you slut! How many is a Brazilian?
Ok so there’s this brunette who is determined to vanquish the stereotype that all blonds are dumb so she invites one million blond people to her event and manages to get her event televised all over the world. She then points to a blond sat on the front row and asks her to get on the stage. Ok, today is the day, I’m here to prove to you all that blonds are not dumb people, just regular people like you and me who have a different hair colour. I will ask this woman three questions and I guarantee you she will get at least one right. The crowd of blonds clap. The brunette continues. Ok, first question. Who is the current president of the United States Of America? The blond thinks long and hard about this one and after 30 minutes she says, It’s George Bush! Wrong, but close! the brunette exclaims, George Bush was the previous president, but now Barack Obama is in charge. The crowd of blonds began to cheer and chant, Have another try, have another try! Ok, second question. the brunette continues, What is the capital of Australia? The blond think long and hard about this one and after 45 minutes she says, It’s Sydney. Wrong, but it’s an easy mistake to make, many people get confused over this question he brunette explains, It’s actually Canberra. The crowd of blonds chant even louder, Have another try, have another try The brunette at this point is embarrassed at being the laughing stock of the nation so she thinks of the easiest question she can think of, What’s 1+1? The blond thinks long and hard about this and after an hour she says, It’s 2! The crowd of blonds chant their loudest, Have another try, have another try!
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck’s driver, extremely furious, made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny. The blonde giggles and replies, When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!
Three blondes walking by some tracks Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. The first one said, Look, it’s deer tracks. The second one said, No, it’s wolf tracks and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree! I may not be a girl, but I’m blonde and find blonde jokes hilarious. xD
I work with this blond girl… so I work with this blond girl and every day I see her throwing out her water bottle and buying a new one right next to the water cooler. So today I asked her hey why don’t you just fill your water bottle up, it’ll save you a few dollars every day. She looks at me and says, because it says no refill.
Three Drunk Girls A blonde and two brunettes had gone out drinking Friday night and really tied one on. They all got back together for lunch on Sunday, and the two brunettes were shocked at how awful and sad the blonde looked. I can’t ever go drinking again , the blonde moaned. That was the worst, most humiliating night of my life! Shocked, one brunette asks. What happened. The blonde mournfully replies, I was so drunk I went home and blew chunks. The two brunettes laugh. Hell , one of them says, I woke up Saturday afternoon half naked in the hall of my apartment building with my landlady poking me with a broom. That’s a lot worse than just blowing chunks! The other brunette chimes in, and I woke up in some strange guys apartment naked and couldn’t find my clothes anywhere. I had to swipe one of his dirty sweatshirts and a pair of his pants while he was sleeping and catch a cab home. That’s sure more humiliating than just blowing chunks! But the blonde is still sobbing and puts her face in her hands. No, you guys don’t understand. Chunks is my dog…
A guy walks in to a bar… A guy walks in to a bar and tells everyone he has the best joke ever. Everyone tunes in. So a blonde, a jew, a priest, a black guy, a banana, and a clown walk in to a bar. They talk about how they are always the butt of jokes. They all drink together, bond, and feel a bit better about themselves. It’s closing time. The jew and the priest share a cab, because the Jew won’t pay and the priest will forgive him. The blonde goes home with the black guy… cuz you know ;). The clown races after them with a banana in his pants. Turns out the black guy and the Jew are room mates. The Jew is just getting out of the cab when the Priest says, Aren’t you going to chip in for the fare? Panicking, the Jew guns it for the entrance to his building. The Priest is coming right after him. The black guy is just opening the door to his apartment for his blonde lady friend. The Jew and the Priest try to run past them, but they smash in to the blonde and knock her over. The black guy hurries over to separate the mess. Just then the clown comes running in and hits the black guy from behind. They all fall in to a pile. The banana gets smooshed over the black man’s bottom. The blonde calls him a fudgepacker. The priests jumps on that and violates the black man. The Jew video tapes it to sell online. The blonde asks the clown, Was that a banana in your pants, or were you just happy to see me? 😉 The clown and the blonde get freaky. All of a sudden a guy walks in and says, I got the best joke ever. The Jew says, Can you repeat that for the camera? The guy responds, Oh this isn’t the bar is it?
BEST JOKE EVER A guy walks in to bar and tells everyone he has the best joke ever. Everyone tunes in. So a blonde, a jew, a priest, a black guy, a banana, and a clown walk in to a bar. They talk about how they are always the butt of jokes. They all drink together, bond, and feel a bit better about themselves. It’s closing time. The jew and the priest share a cab, because the Jew won’t pay and the priest will forgive him. The blonde goes home with the black guy… cuz you know ;). The clown races after them with a banana in his pants. Turns out the black guy and the Jew are room mates. The Jew is just getting out of the cab when the Priest says, Aren’t you going to chip in for the fare? Panicking, the Jew guns it for the entrance to his building. The Priest is coming right after him. The black guy is just opening the door to his apartment for his blonde lady friend. The Jew and the Priest try to run past them, but they smash in to the blonde and knock her over. The black guy hurries over to separate the mess. Just then the clown comes running in and hits the black guy from behind. They all fall in to a pile. Everyone for some reason focuses on the clown, Why are you here? The clown says enthusiastically, Potassium helps with hangovers. Everyone chuckles. Everyone at the bar is in shock, How is that best joke ever? The guy responds, How is it not?
4 people in the carriage of a train a Jew, a pretty young blond, an ugly old woman and a Muslim It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark there’s the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Muslim is rubbing his face, and there’s a huge red mark on his cheek. The old lady thinks, I bet that Muslim fondled the blond in the dark and she slapped him. The pretty young blond thinks, I bet the Muslim tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him. The Muslim thinks, I bet that dirty Jew fondled the blond in the dark, but the blond thought it was me and hit me. The Jew thinks, I hope there’s another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that Muslim moron again.
Two blondes in a hole Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, It’s dark in here isn’t it? The other replied, I don’t know; I can’t see.
A Russian, an American, and a blonde are talking… about space achievements each of their kind has accomplished. Russian: We were the first in space American: We were the first on the moon Blonde: We will be the first on the sun. How, you ask? We go at night.
Why was the blonde’s belly button bruised? Her boyfriend was blond, too.
A group of blondes walk into a bar They immediately start to set up what looks like a big celebration; they order numerous pitchers of beer, then push tables together, one of them even hangs a big banner over it. As they’re celebrating, the bartender notices that the banner says ** 51 DAYS! ** Curious, he walks over to the celebrating group, and notices something even odder; a children’s jigsaw puzzle with about 20 pieces at most, completed and sitting in a beautiful frame. He taps one of the blondes on the shoulder. Excuse me, he says, But what is the big celebration for? With a big grin on her face, she points down at the puzzle. We’re celebrating our success! See that puzzle? It said 2-4 Years on the box, but we did it way quicker than that, only 51 days!
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead had a swimming race They had to do the breast stroke. The brunette finished first, followed closely by the redhead. They had to go save the blonde because she seemed to be drowning. When the blonde was able to speak she yelled, you cheated! You guys used your arms!
This blonde guy needs money… One night, this blonde guy gets down on his knees by his bed and says Oh Lord, we really need some money. Please let me win the lottery. And he goes to bed. The next morning, the blonde guy wakes up and checks the news. He didn’t win. So that night, he gets down on his knees again and says, Dear Lord, we really need that money. My kids need new shoes, my wife has nothing to cook for us to eat, I can’t find a job. Please let me win the lottery. And he goes to bed. The next morning, the blonde guy again checks the news and discovers he didn’t win again. So that night, he gets down on his knees and prays, Oh, Lord, I don’t mean to complain, but I don’t understand. You know we need this money, and I’ve prayed several times. I’ve been a good person. Why won’t you help me win the lottery? Suddenly a light shines down on him and a deep voice says, God helps those who help themselves. The blonde guy looks up and says, I don’t understand. And the voice says, Buy a lottery ticket.
Two blondes are walking through a forest… They stumble across some tracks. The first blonde says Those are bear tracks! . The second blonde says No, those are deer tracks! And then they were both hit by the train.
Intelligent blonde and a ventriloquist Blonde: I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s men like you that keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and men like you continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humour! Ventriloquist: I’m sorry ma’am but… Blonde: You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little idiot on your knee.
How do you drown a blonde? How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool .
BLONDE AMBITION Q: What is every blonde’s ambition? A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
NO BACKSEAT BLONDE A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat. No! yells the blonde. Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again. For the last time, no! says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, Well, why the hell not? The blonde says, Because I wanna stay up here with you!
A blonde joke A blonde goes to the store to return her TV she just bought. She takes it to the customer service desk and tells the employee that her TV is defective and would like to return it for a working model. The employee looks at her and says I’m sorry but we do not serve blondes . The lady comes back to the next day wearing a brown wig and attempts to return her TV. The salesman looks at her and says I’m sorry but we don’t serve blondes here. The Lady comes back again the next day with a black wig and attempts to return her TV. The salesman says the same thing I’m sorry but we do not serve blondes here. Confused, the lady asks how the salesman knew she was a blonde with the wig. The salesman replies This is a microwave .
A Blonde and A lawyer. A lawyer and a blonde are waiting at the airport next to each other. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game of Find the Answer. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00. This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. What’s the distance from the earth to the moon? The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs? The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He searches on the airport wifi, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, Thank you, and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, Well, what’s the answer? Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
BLONDE BRAIN Q: How do you make a blonde’s brain the size of a pea? A: Inflate it.
Hostage Escape A blonde and a redhead are taken hostage by terrorists. The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad. Just before the squad fires, the redhead points and yells, Tornado! The terrorists run in all different directions, and the redhead escapes. When they realize what has happened, the terrorists come back to where the blonde is still standing. They raise their rifles, and thinking quickly, the blonde points and yells, Fire!
BLIND, BLOND & BALLSY A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says, Hey, wanna hear a blond joke? The man said to the blind man, Look buddy, I’m blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler, and he’s blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke? The blind man was silent for a moment and then said, Nah, I wouldn’t want to have to explain it five times.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, I slept with a Brazilian…. The blonde replies, Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?
Two blonde genies. A man walks along the beach when he kicks and discovers a lamp. He takes it home to clean it and as he does two blonde genies pop out and announce that he has three wishes. The next morning the man wakes up in bed and as he stretches and yawns he looks around and sees that the room is littered with beautiful women. Feeling confused he gets up to go to the toilet and notices that the ground he is walking on is incredibly soft. As he looks down he realises that he is walking on $100 bills. Before he can get to the toilet the door bell rings. He goes to the door and sees two KKK members who grab him, drag him outside and hang him by a tree. The two KKK members remove their hoods and it’s the two blonde genies. One genie turns to the other and says: I can understand why he’d want to be surrounded by 100 beautiful women … and why he would want to be a millionaire … but why would he want to be hung like a black man? Note: One of my favourite jokes and punchlines ever but definitely not a believer or advocate of racism; just mentioning this in case there are any displeased people among you.
Two lawyers are sitting in a bar… … When a hot blonde walks in. The one lawyer says, Man, wouldn’t you like to screw that? and the other lawyer replies, Outta what?
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are on the run from the cops… They run down an alley and find 3 boxes and decided to hide in each. The cops arrive to the first box, they kick the first and the brunette shouts ” Woof Woof!! ” The cops decided it must be dogs and move onto the next box. ” Meow Meow! ” The redhead exclaims, the cops shrug thinking it is cats and move on to the next box. ” POTATOES ” yells the blonde.
There is a magical mirror that instantly kills anyone who tells a lie in front of it. A Brunette, an Asian, and a Blonde all go to the mirror. The Brunette says: I think I am the prettiest person in the world! She dies. The Asian says: I think I am the smartest person in the world! She dies. The Blonde says: I think– She dies.
Blond Joke Two blonds are out hunting in the snow and they come across some tracks. One bland says, Oh look, deer tracks, lets follow and shoot the deer. The other blond says, Those are not deer tracks, those are turkey tracks, lets follow them and shoot a turkey. Well the blonds get into a tremendous argument when suddenly they are both run over by a train.
TGIF A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, T-G-I-F (letters only). He smiled at her and replied, S-H-I-T (letters only). She looked at him, puzzled, and said, T-G-I-F again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering, S-H-I-T. The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly T-G-I-F another time. The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, S-H-I-T. The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It’s Friday, get it? The man answered, Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday.
A slave wants a white family A slave pleaded to God everyday that he wished his family was white. One day while plowing the field, the slave uncovered a treasure chest with a map to a bog. The instructions in the map listed that once a black man swims to the other side of the bog, he will come out completely white. The slave jumps for joy and runs to grab his wife and two kids and to go find the bog. Finally reaching the bog, its riddled with moss and branches with thorns, and very murky. The slave decides to jump in to make sure it works and then he’d wave his family over. After swimming for a bit, the slave comes out the moss on other side completely white, with blonde hair and blue eyes. Jumping for joy the slave calls to his wife Honey, come over! The wife jumps in, takes a little bit longer to make it over, and finally the slave sees his wife through the murk and moss and when he pulls her out she’s completely white, with blonde hair and blue eyes. Jumping for joy the slave and his wife call to their kids Swim over! They hear the kids jump in and they wait to see them come out from the same spot they came out of. And they wait, and wait, and wait, and they don’t see any signs of the kids. The wife asks the slave What should we do? The slave looks at his wife and says Fuck those niggers, lets go!
A brunette, A redhead, and A blonde…. Enter an elevator and spot something on the floor. The brunette immediately says Eww, that’s sperm . The redhead, touches it with her index finger and rubs it with her thumb together and says Yup, definitely sperm . The blonde, touches it, rubs it between her fingers and tastes it and says: Yup, definitely sperm, and it’s not from anyone in this building.
3 construction workers eat their lunch on top of a building. The first is a brunette, the second is a red head, and the third is a blonde. Every day on their lunch break they eat on top of the 10-story building they’ve been working on and every day they have the same thing for lunch. Finally the men have had enough, the brunette says if my wife doesn’t change up my lunch I’m jumping off this building. The redhead says the same thing and so does the blonde. The next day they all have the same lunches again, so they all jump. At their funerals, the three wives are talking to each other and the brunette’s wife says If I had only known he wanted something different for lunch I would have packed it. The red head’s wife says the same thing. The blondes wife says Well shit, my husband packs his own lunch.
Comedy club challenge A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter a comedy club challenge where they have to not laugh at the comedians best jokes. With a prize of £10,000 they set off with their best poker faces. The first comedian enters the stage and tries his joke with a funny accent and the brunette laughs and gets disqualified. Just the blonde and the redhead left now. When the second comedian tells his joke and the redhead is trying her best to hold back a laugh and but ends up letting it out. There’s only the blonde left now and as the final comedian walks up to the stage the blonde bursts out into laughter. He says angrily oh come on! I never even got to tell my joke.. Why did you laugh? I just got the first one she replied after calming down.
Did you hear that actress from Legally Blonde was stabbed? Me: Yeah. She was stabbed in California, in broad day light. The one from legally blonde. Reese….Something…. with-er… um…with-uh… ..ummm… Friend: Witherspoon? Me: No. With a knife.
A red head, blonde and a brunette A red head. a brunette and a blonde are sitting at the bottom of the stairs when they are approached by a genie. The genie says I am prepared to give you anything you want;anything. The girls agree and ask what is the catch. The genie replies You just need to climb those twenty five stairs you were sitting on. I will tell you a joke on each step. You just need to make it to the top without laughing. With this in mind all the girls take the challenge. The red head burst out laughing on the 10th step and the brunette laughs on the 18th. The blonde laughs at the 24th step. The genie asked the blonde Why did you laugh? you were so close to being able to get anything you want, why? The blonde replies I just got the first joke.
A Blonde Takes a Test The professor notices a blonde student flipping a coin as she answers the True/False questions. She finishes long before everyone else, and starts flipping the coin again, sometimes changing her answers. When she brings her test to the front, the professor asks, Why were you flipping that coin? She responds, I was checking my answers.
Watching Avatar again Didn’t notice the first time how odd it was that all the Na’vi were portrayed as so pale-skinned and blonde…
Downhill Skiing 3 rock climbers (Bob, Tim, Jack) were attempting to climb Everest. In a freak accident, Bob and Tim lost all of their supplies. Unable to progress any further, they decide to make camp and share jack’s supplies. The three of them slept side to side, with bob and Tim on either side of jack. In the morning, as they made their way down the mountain, bob was telling the other two about his dream last night. Bob said, man I dreamt this buxom blonde gave me a vigorous hand job last night. Tim chuckled and said I dreamt I was getting a handjob from a beautiful woman as well. Jack merely shrugged and said I dreamed I was downhill skiing.
A Blonde A Redhead and A Brunette. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, Awwww, I wish my friends were here.
Blonde Vs Brunette LoLxx Blonde: What does IDK stand for? Brunette: I don’t know. Blonde: OMG, nobody does!
A blonde and a brunette are in a room… The blonde ask: What does idk stand for? Brunette: I don’t know. Blonde: OMG, no one does!
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde… were lining up to check-in to a hotel. Clerk: Maam, will you be staying for 3 days? Brunette: I’m afraid not. Clerk: Maam, will you be staying for 3 days? Redhead: I’m afraid so. Clerk: Maam, will you be staying for 3 days? Blonde: I AM NOT AFRAID!
A blonde was having a conversation with an elephant, a pufferfish, and a fox… The blonde said to the elephant, If the pufferfish was a human he would be a Muslim, because he just loves to blow himself up. The elephant broke out laughing but the blonde cut him off and said to the pufferfish, I don’t know why he’s laughing, if he was a human he would be a Jew, and I think he nose why. The pufferfish was now laughing uncontrollably, and the fox who was also with them realising he would be next if he didn’t say something – said to the blonde, If you were an animal you would be a whale, always wet, moaning, and ready to blow.
Three blondes are lost after a shipwreck… After the shipwreck, they wake up at a deserted island. They don’t know what to do, tired and hungry, when one of them find a shining object lying on the beach. It is a golden lamp. After a couple of hours, one of the blondes has the idea to rub the lamp. Surprisingly, a genie appears. You have three wishes , he says to the blondes. After noticing that they are blondes, he completes That is one wish for each . The first blonde says I wish a was smart enough to get out of this island. The genie says Done and the blonde transforms in a red-headed. I remember that I know how to swim! , she yells, as she jumps on the ocean and swims back home. The second blonde says I wish to be even smarter then the first one! . The genie says Sure, why not? and the blonde feels her hair turning black, as she transforms in a brunette. Then, she gathers some wood, build a raft and set sail to the continent. The third blonde says I wish to be smarter than both. The genie says Ok, you’re the boss . The blonde feels her whole body changing, as she transforms in a man. Then, he enters a car and drive by the bridge, to home.
