A seal walks into a club. He has the lady go to the back of the car to look, while he flips the turn signal switch. Is it working? he asks. Yes, the blonde replies. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes.
A blonde goes to buy a TV. So, a blonde goes to a mega store to buy a TV, she goes in and she asks an employee for opinions: Her: Excuse me, what do you think of that TV? Employee: Sorry madam, we don’t sell to blonde women She gets furious, goes back home, puts on a hat and a fancy dress and comes back: Her: Excuse me fine gentleman, what might one think of this Television? Employee: Sorry madam, we don’t sell to blonde women She gets even more furious, goes back, dye her hair black and comes back to the store: Her: Excuse me sir, what do you think of that TV? Employee: Sorry madam, we don’t sell to blonde women. She goes back, put on a cap on backwards, put on a fake beard, hide her boobs and a baggy jeans and a long t-shirt and comes back: Her: Ayyo, dude, what’s up with this TV? Is it the shit? Employee: Sorry madam, we don’t sell to blonde women. She flips her shit and ask How the hell do you keep knowing that I’m a blonde woman? : Because that’s a fucking *microwave*.
The naked cowboy **Naked Cowboy** A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks ‘Why in the world are you walking around like this?’ The cowboy says, ‘Well it’s like this Sheriff …… I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt… So I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants…. So I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts…so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, ‘Now go to town, cowboy.. ‘ ‘And here I am.’
Three Blondes Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was. . The first blonde said, Easter is a holiday where tehy have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey. . St. Peter said, Nooooooo, and he banished her to hell. . The second blonde said, Easter is when we celebrate Jesus’ birth and exchange gifts. St. Peter said, Noooooo, and he banished her to hell. . The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, so, tell me. She said, Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung him on the cross and eventually he died. Then they buried him in a tomb behind a very large boulder… . St. Peter said, Verrrrry good. . Then the blonde continued, Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball. . St. Peter fainted.
Who farted? Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was. . The first blonde said, Easter is a holiday where tehy have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey. . St. Peter said, Nooooooo, and he banished her to hell. . The second blonde said, Easter is when we celebrate Jesus’ birth and exchange gifts. St. Peter said, Noooooo, and he banished her to hell. . The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, so, tell me. She said, Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung him on the cross and eventually he died. Then they buried him in a tomb behind a very large boulder… . St. Peter said, Verrrrry good. . Then the blonde continued, Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball. . St. Peter fainted.
Best 50 funniest jokes ever… 1. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.” 2. ”I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.” 3. ”Dyslexic man walks into a bra” 4. A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ”Shut up…you’re next!” 5. A classic Tommy Cooper gag ”I said to the Gym instructor Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, ”How flexible are you?” I said, ”I can’t make Tuesdays”, was fifth. 6. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off. 7. Two aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get married. The ceremony was rubbish – but the reception was brilliant. 8. Another one was: Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’. He said: ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’. ‘Is it common?’I asked. ‘It’s not unusual’ he replied. 9. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already. 10. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ”Pint please, and one for the road.” 11. I went to the doctors the other day and I said, ‘Have you got anything for wind?’ So he gave me a kite. 12. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked. 13. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ”He’s trying to pull a fast one”. 14. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.’ The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan’. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ”But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.” 15. There’s two fish in a tank, and one says ”How do you drive this thing?” 16. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any. 17. When Susan’s boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ”I love the simple things in life, but I don’t want one of them for my husband”. 18. ”My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.” 19. I rang up British Telecom, I said, ”I want to report a nuisance caller”, he said ”Not you again”. 20. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs. 21. A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says ”I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything” 22. Slept like a log last night…….. Woke up in the fireplace. 23. A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ”Is this some kind of joke?” 24. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ”Sorry we don’t serve food in here” 25. The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ”Did you get my drift?”. 26. I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair. 27. Went to the paper shop – it had blown away. 28. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ”But why?” they asked, as they moved off. ”because,” he said ”I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.” 29. I was in Tesco’s and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, ”Are you two an item?” 30. I’m in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite……… one jar. 31. So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ”Your eyes sparkle like diamonds”. I said, ”Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck”. 32. Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ”Oi – get out! We don’t want your type in here” 33. I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt. 34. There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. 35. I went down the local supermarket, I said, ”I want to make a complaint, this vinegar’s got lumps in it”, he said, Those are pickled onions”. 36. I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four. 37. I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said ”may contain nuts.” Well, YES! That’s what I bought the buggers for! You’d be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!” 38. A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, What a turtle disaster 39. My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife’ll look at me and go, ”Who’s that calling at this time?’ ”I don’t know! If I knew that we wouldn’t need the bloody phone!” 40. I said to this train driver ”I want to go to Paris . He said ”Eurostar?” I said, ”I’ve been on telly but I’m no Dean Martin”. 41. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it. 42. I’ve got a friend who’s fallen in love with two school bags, he’s bisatchel. 43. You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he’s a catholic converter. 44. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ”I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.” 45. I tried water polo but my horse drowned. 46. I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself. 47. So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people’s pants, it was Wedgie Kray. 48. Went to the corner shop – bought 4 corners. 49. A seal walks into a club… 50. I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, ‘Go to Bournemouth, it’s great for flu’. So I went – and I got it.
Why did the blonde woman have bruises around her belly button? Because blonde guys arent that smart either…
Best Blonde Joke Ever [Best Blonde Joke Ever](http://www.plainjanegames.com/funstuff/bestblondejoke.htm) Oldie but a goodie.
A Blonde and a Red head go out for dinner While waiting for their dinner they decide to watch the 6 o’clock news, on the news a man was threatening to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge. So the red head says to the blonde I bet you 50$ the man doesn’t jump. so the blonde says okay ill take that bet. after a couple minutes the guy jumps, as the blonde is handing over the cash the red head says I cant take this money I watched the 5 o’clock news so I knew he would jump. and the blonde said so did I but I didn’t think he’d jump again
A guy walks into a dive bar… And takes a seat at a table. Looking over their menu, he sees it has only three options: Tuna Salad Sandwich $1.50, Chicken Salad Sandwich $4.50 and lastly Hand Job $5.00. Wow, what a bargain, he thought to himself, somewhat stunned as a gorgeous blonde approached to take his order. Are you the one who gives the hand job? he asked. Why yes I am, she said seductively as she slid up closer to him. Well, go in the back and wash your fucking hands, I want a tuna salad sandwich.
Please don’t get me wrong, but I like to see people dying Seeing their hair become blonde is really awesome.
Stupid people fearing WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda’s eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she’d been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. And, yes, Linda is a blonde.
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, I’m blonde, I’m beautiful and I’m staying in first class until we reach New York. The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats I’m blonde, I’m beautiful and I’m staying in first class until we reach New York. The head stewardesses doesn’t even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot said No problem my wife is blonde I can handle this The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, I told her the first class wasn’t going to New York.
Man meets Smoking Hot Sexologist on an Airplane… A man walks onto an airplane, and he’s cranky as hell. It was an early morning, security held him up, and all he wants to do is sleep until the plane reaches New York. However his mood does a 180 when he gets to his seat and see the most angelic blonde woman he has ever seen sitting next to him. He smiles awkwardly, receiving a warm and friendly smile from said bombshell. After about 30 minutes of sitting there he finally convinces himself to say something, So, business or pleasure? Smiling, she replies, Business actually! I’m a sexologist, and Im headed to a conference in New York . Eyes widened and breathing intensified, he says Oh really?! What does that entail? Well, my particular area of study revolves around sexual trends, stereotypes and myths , she says, and we’ve actually found some pretty exciting new stuff . Like what? Well, you know the myth that black guys have the largest dicks? , she asks. Well yeah, everyone knows that one. Its actually Native American men , she says with a smirk. Wow, I never would’ve thought of that , he said. I know right? Also, you know how they say Italians are the most attentive lovers? , she asks. Not really, but i guess it makes sense , he replies. Turns out it’s actually Jewish Men , she says. That one I really didn’t expect , he says, laughing. Well its true! We’ve also uncovered some new trends. We recently found out that on average rednecks last the longest in bed , she says. No kidding! , the man says. I’m so sorry , the woman says, Here I am talking all about myself and what I do and I don’t even know your name! The guy holds out his hand and goes, My name is Squanto Berkowitz but all my friends call me Bubba .
Catfished I met someone online and traveled to their house to hook-up. Knock on the door and a cute blonde opens. I’m pretty pissed, they looked nothing like the 10 year old boy I spoke to.
Pedantic Jokes Knock, knock. Who’s there? The police. I’m afraid there’s been an accident. Your husband is in hospital. A man walks into a pub. He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family. Did you hear about the blonde who jumped off a bridge? She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem. What do you call a cat with no tail? A Manx cat. Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas. How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? One. How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it is far more efficient in both time and money to change it yourself. Failing that, ask a relative or neighbour to change it for you. Why do women fake orgasms? Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed. Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: ‘Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife’s house.’ The other man replies: ‘Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.’ Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off. Why are there no aspirin in the jungle? Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest. What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede? A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering. So, there were an Irishman, an Englishman and an American wrecked on an island. One day, they found a bottle, and when they opened it, a ghost came out and offered them each a wish. However, even though they wished for different stuff, nothing happened, as the three guys of varying nationalities were just having shared hallucinations from hunger. How do you drown a blonde? Hold her head underwater until she can no longer breathe and stops struggling. Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? Repeated absences and stealing. A black man is going to get a vasectomy. He shows up to the doctor’s office wearing a suit. The doctor says, Why are you wearing a suit? The black man says, I just got back from a funeral What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Would you like an ice pack? Why did the deaf man take his parrot to work? He was weird. A Blonde and a Brunette jump off a tall building at the same time. Who hits the ground first? Both of them hit the ground at the same time. Hair colour doesn’t affect acceleration due to gravity. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust. A man walks into a whorehouse and pays a prostitute for sex. He contracts an STD and passes it onto his pregnant wife. Their child is born deformed and has a difficult life. When asked if he could see the humour in the situation, the child replied, No. No, I don’t. A man called a lawyer and asked, How much will you charge me to answer three questions? The lawyer said $400. Wow, said the man. Isn’t that a lot? I guess so, said the lawyer. When are you going to ask your questions? How do you know when a Frenchman has been near your house? You don’t, really, unless you were there to see him or if one of your neighbours saw him. I wouldn’t worry about it, really. Three men are at the FBI Building for a job interview. The interviewing FBI agent tells the first man, ‘To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.’ The man takes the gun, hesitates, and says, ‘Sorry, I can’t do it.’ The next interviewee enters the office and the agent tells him the same thing he told the first guy. The second man takes the gun, walks into the room, and walks out. ‘Sorry, I can’t.’ he says. The last man enters the office and the interviewer said yet again explains the test.’ The man says I’m sorry I love my wife too much to do such a harmful thing, I guess the FBI is not for me after all. What’s sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff? They were my friends. Why did the chicken cross the road? Earlier that morning the farmers daughter had inadvertently left the gate to the yard open as she was preoccupied by her worry over a maths test set for that day. She hadn’t studied for the test as she was still deeply distressed over her fathers recent heart attack. This, coupled with the added burden of household chores now delegated to her because her mother was out trying to get the west field prepared for sowing, had made her quite forgetful and distracted of late. Whilst several chickens escaped, only one strayed so far that it actually encountered the road facing the farm. After crossing the road and gorging itself in a soy-bean crop, the chicken was struck by a furniture removers van as it attempted to make its way home. Several hours later the dead chicken was spotted by a Community Mental Health Worker who was doing his bi-weekly rural clinic run. The chicken, being a bantam caught the eye of the Mental Health worker, who was a keen trout fisherman. Cool thought the mental health worker- those feathers will make for excellent trout flies . He stopped and plucked a handful of the most iridescent blue, green and orange feathers and placed them in an envelope. He rolled himself a cigarette, sat on the trunk of his car and admired the clouds. God, I love this job , he muttered to no one in particular. Satan takes the form of Jesus and appears to three priests saying that if they do something evil, he’ll let them drink of the holy water. The three priests discuss the offer and come to the conclusion that Satan must be tricking them into committing sin. When confronted with this accusation, Satan reveals his dastardly plot and salutes the priests on their cunning and steadfast faith. Why couldn’t Helen Keller drive? Because she was blind and deaf. Otto and Beata give birth to a young child. This is impossible, because a baby cannot be born as a young child, therefore the previous sentence is rendered void and should be corrected. I apologise on behalf of myself, and myself only, for this major yet forgiveable mistake. The Pope walks into a bar. The bartender says, what’ll ya have, Pope? But the Pope’s grasp of English is tenuous at best, so he mumbles something in Latin. The bartender doesn’t know any Latin. The Pope gets frustrated and leaves. Have you seen Stevie Wonder’s new house? No. Well, it’s really nice. Where did Hitler keep his armies? The brunt of his forces were applied to the Eastern front, but throughout different periods of the war, a sizable chunk were used to protect the Atlantic Wall and a handful of divisions were used in Africa, to secure shipping routes. A kid is riding down the street when his chain pops off his bicycle. The kid yells God damn! as he begins to fix it. A priest walking nearby overhears the boy taking god’s name in vein and says Don’t say ‘God damn’ say ‘God help us’ . The kid says, I am an atheist, get away from me . What’s the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person adhering to the Jewish faith and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, usually circular bread covered with tomato sauce and cheese with optional garnishes. What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down? An embarrassing situation Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? She was a schizophrenic. How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her. What’s the deal with airline peanuts? The packaging is generally poorly designed and cheaply made, as a method of cutting distribution costs. After all, most passengers wouldn’t want a Peanut Fee attached to their already costly ticket prices in order to cover the expenses of higher quality wrappers. What are you complaining about, anyway? It’s free food, and it’s a nice snack. If you’re really that bent on not enjoying the peanuts the airline so graciously provided you with, just save them and give them to the next homeless person you see. People these days are really selfish. How do you make a Swiss roll? Generally it involves a thin layer of sponge cake and a layer of either jam or cream. The resulting flat sheet of cake and cream is then rolled into a cylinder. It’s quite delicious, actually. What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag. One is a famous singer songwriter facing charges of child molestation and the other’s a thin plastic sheet formed into a shape most fitting to carrying large amounts of shopping so that its easier to carry. How many mice does it take to screw in a light-bulb? I imagine it would take a great many. Mice would find it difficult to reach a ceiling light fitting, and would individually lack the strength or dexterity required to turn a bulb in such a socket. Even if you had enough mice to lend their strength to such an endeavor, the chances of them having the intelligence and wherewithal to perform such a complex activity is really quite low. A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress. she says. Come again? says the clerk, cupping his ear. I said ‘I’LL BE BACK TOMORROW AFTERNOON TO PICK UP MY DRESS’, says the girl, this time louder. A man walks past a bar and sees a sign which says PERFORM THE THREE FEATS AND WIN A MILLION DOLLARS! Thinking that a million dollars sounds like a great idea, he goes inside and asks the bartender what the deal is. First, says the bartender, you have to chug this entire bottle of vodka. Second, there’s a crocodile in the back room with a bad tooth. You have to pull it. Third, there’s an eighty-five year old woman in the back who’s never had sex. You have to have sex with her. The guy think it over and says okay, sure. You have a deal! He grabs the bottle of vodka and, with little effort due to the fact that he’s basically a professional alcoholic anyway, downs it. Then he slams the empty bottle down and goes into the back room. There’s a lot of screaming, some growling, and various crashing sounds. Finally a silence falls upon the bar. Minutes pass, then an hour. Finally the bartender sends a barmaid back to see what’s going on. A few minutes later, she comes back out. What’s he doing? asks the bartender. What’s left of him is back there in the croc pen, she says, her horrified face pale with shock. His clothes are tossed in the corner. I think he tried to fuck the croc. The croc…the croc ate him. Oh, Jesus, whispers the bartender. Jesus. Nobody says a word. A man has been trapped on a desert island for 8 years. One day, he sees a boat on the horizon and lights a fire to let it know he is there. The boat comes towards the shore. On board there is a beautiful woman in a body hugging wetsuit. Thank God , he says, I’ve been trapped on this island for eight years. Thank god someone has come at last. Eight years? she says, So it’s eight years since you last smoked a Cuban cigar? She unzips a pocket on her wetsuit and pulls out a cigar. She passes it to him, pulls out a Zippo, and lights it for him. He enjoys the first cigar he has had in eight years. So is it also eight years since you had a drink? She unzips a pocket on her wetsuit and pulls out a hip flask, tossing it to him. He takes a swig, and it’s 25 year old single malt whisky. It’s smooth and mellow and utterly delicious. So, she says, beginning to unzip the long zipper on the front of her costume, Is it eight years since you played around? Oh no, he says, This is all a dream, isn’t it? A beautiful woman with whiskey and cigars wanting to have sex with me? I must be dreaming. Suddenly he is woken up by a flash of lightning. It’s the middle of the night, and he is all alone in his primitive shelter on his desert island. So alone… so terribly alone. An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the spool of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, did not recognize the sender’s name, and rightly deduced that she was not the intended recipient. She replied, pointing out the man’s mistake, who then resent the e-mail to the proper address. What’s the difference between a duck? I’m sorry, I was typing too quickly and missed off the end of my sentence. I meant to say What’s the difference between a duck and a goose? and the answer is that they are entirely different species of waterfowl. What do you call 5 Mexicans in quicksand? A dangerous situation that could soon turn tragic. Four blondes are driving to Disney world. They finally get to Florida and they see a sign that says Disneyworld: left so they take the left and have a wonderful time at what many people believe to be the most magical place on Earth. A Mexican, a Texan, a Brit, and a Frenchman are flying on a plane when one of the engines goes out. The pilot comes out and says we’re too heavy, one of you will have to jump! The Mexican looks at the Texan, the Brit looks at the Frenchmen, but they all decide that they don’t want to jump out of the plane. The pilot attempts an emergency landing but without a runway and only 3 engines the plane hits at too harsh an angle and explodes. How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up? Do something really nice for her, like buy her the piece of jewellery she looks at every time you go into the mall, or bake her a cake. If you have the time and effort, make her something. People appreciate thought and effort in a present more than money. Why don’t Polish girls swim in the sea? The only sea that Poland borders on is the Baltic. Throughout most of the year this sea is too cold to comfortably swim in. There once was a man from Nantucket. He owned a sail-boat. I haven’t seen him in years. As their plane spirals towards the ground, a young man asks the pretty girl next to him if she would have sex with him, as he does not want to die a virgin. Surprised by this request, she declines, stating that in addition to the sheer inappropriateness of the idea, the mechanics of copulating in a crashing aircraft seem very difficult if not impossible. He agrees and admits that he was only trying to lighten the mood. However, she was busy putting on her oxygen mask and didn’t hear this last bit. They both spend the last moments of their lives in anxious reflection. A man walks into a bar. He orders a couple of drinks, pays for them, and then proceeds to leave the premises, as his wife had told him that he must not be too late home. A horse walks into a bar. The barman immediately calls the local stable to report the missing stallion, and his owner promptly arrives to take him home. He thanks the landlord and offers a small reward, but it is respectfully declined. What’s eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.) PATIENT: Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains! DOCTOR: I shall prescribe you some anti-depressant tablets, probably 20 milligrams to start with, and I shall book you an appointment with a psychiatrist. You will not be charged for his or her services, but you may have to wait up to seven weeks for your first meeting. I shall give you two prescriptions just in case, so that you don’t run the risk of running out of medication and thus relapsing. You will have to return in two months as your counsellor is unable to provide you with drugs. Have a nice day. PATIENT: Thank you, doctor. My mother will be pleased and relieved that I have finally sought your advice after many years of this inner personal anguish and turmoil. DOCTOR: You’re very welcome. Could you please send my next patient in? He should have a large beard, unless he recently has shaved it, which I consider unlikely. PATIENT: Certainly, doctor. And thank you again. What’s the difference between Smarties and sleeping pills? Smarties are a popular chocolate-based confectionery product from England, which were the inspiration for the arguably more successful M&M’s produced by Mars. Sleeping pills are flavourless narcotics that are used primarily by people suffering from afflictions such as insomnia. Another difference between the two is the repercussions of ingestion. In a large dose, Smarties can have a minor contribution to obesity, whereas a large dose – often referred to as an ‘overdose’ – of sleeping pills runs the risk of much more dangerous consequences such as immediate and fatal liver damage. It is generally accepted that sleeping pills should only be used when recommended or prescribed by a qualified doctor or chemist, but Smarties can be purchased at the majority of reputable supermarkets or corner shops. Why did the Czech tourist cross the road? Because he was impressed by the frankly excellent crossing facilities on major German routeways, compared to the relatively poor facilities constructed by his own Czech government. How many Germans does it take to change a light-bulb? Only one. It is a simple light-bulb, not an advanced ‘home computer’. Knock Knock Who is there please? Boo I do not know anyone by that name. Unless you mean to startle me with the word ‘boo’, in which case you are quite unsuccessful. I see no need to open my door in either case. Doctor Doctor! I think I’ve broken my leg! Yes, I’m afraid it’s a terrible break, the chances are you’ll never walk again. Why can’t women leave the kitchen to empty the bins out? They can, providing that they are familiar with the efficient German rubbish sorting guidelines. There are separate collections for green glass, white glass and brown glass. Recycling rubbish goes in yellow bags that are collected by yellow trucks, newspapers go in cardboard boxes that are collected by gray vehicles, other rubbish is collected every two weeks by various private firms. How can you tell that your girlfriend’s too young for you? Often the level of rapport induced from conversations and activities is dependant on sharing mutual interests and beliefs. A significant age gap can compromise this, although it is not a concrete determiner of a relationship’s potential success. Another thing to take into account is that the legal age for consensual sex is 16, although it is often (wrongly) considered a taboo for a man of 20 years or older to date a lady who is less than 18, the minimum legal age for drinking in the United Kingdom. However, when the roles are reversed it can be considered a positive trait for a younger man to have a mature partner. What do you call a man with a tray on his head? If you are aware of his given name, you may address him with this. If he had adopted a nickname by which he is comfortable to be known, using this would also be deemed acceptable. If, however, you do not already know what his name is, ask him to kindly inform you so that you may become acquainted. You may then ask him why he has a tray on his head, and he will quite likely answer you with humility and direct earnest. An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have a few drinks, then go to a club, where they amuse each other and those around them by completely slurring their words in their already very strong regional accents. Then they get a taxi back to the house of the Englishman as he lives nearest, and stay the night. The next morning, the Scotsman and the Irishmen walk home as they are still hungover and do not wish to risk driving.
Three blondes are walking through the woods… They come across a pair of tracks. The first blonde says, I think these are bear tracks! No , the second blondes goes, these are definitely deer tracks! The third blonde says, I think they’re rabbit tracks!! Then the train hit them… This is my favorite clean joke by far.
Walking in the woods… Two blondes were walking through the woods, when they came upon a set of tracks. Those are rabbit tracks! Said the fist one. No they’re not! They’re bear tracks! Rabbit tracks! Bear tracks! Rabbit! Bear! They argued like this untill the train hit them.
The Adult Shop A blonde walks into a porno shop: She asks, How much for the white dildo? He answers, 35 bucks She: How much for the black one? He: $35 for the black one, $35 for the white one. She: I think I’ll take the black one. I’ve never had a black one before. She pays him, and off she goes. A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks How much for the black dildo? He: 35 bucks She: How much for the white one? He: $35 for the white one, $35 for the black one. She: Hmmm… I think I’ll take the white one. I’ve never had a white one before… She pays him, and off she goes. About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, How much are your dildos? He: $35 for the white, $35 for the black. She: Hmmmmm… .how much is that plaid one on the shelf? He: Well, that’s a very special dildo… it’ll cost you $165. She: She thinks for a moment and answers, I’ll take the plaid one, I’ve never had a plaid one before…. She pays him, and off she goes. Finally, the guy’s boss returns and asks, How did you do while I was gone? To which the salesman responded, I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!
Lion tamer wanted A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment – chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first? The girl says, I’ll go first. She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues this for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner’s jaw is on the floor. I’ve never seen a display like that in my life. He turns to the retired golfer and asks, Can you top that? The old golfer says, No problem, just get that lion out of there.
If your uncle Jack was riding a horse named Bill Cosby, and your uncle got stuck on the horse, would you help your uncle Jack off Bill Cosby? A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment – chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first? The girl says, I’ll go first. She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues this for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner’s jaw is on the floor. I’ve never seen a display like that in my life. He turns to the retired golfer and asks, Can you top that? The old golfer says, No problem, just get that lion out of there.
Flabbergasted I was about to lay this blonde chic i met until she told me to wear a rubber coz she did not want to get HIV AGAIN!
Lets share blonde jokes Howdo you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool
The Kindergartener A girl came skipping home from school one day. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10! Very good, said her mother. Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy? Yes, it’s because you’re blonde, her mother replied. The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G! Very good, said her mother. Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy? Yes, pumpkin, it’s because you’re blonde. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these! And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. Very good, said her embarrassed mother. Is it because I’m blonde, mommy? No, it’s because you’re 25.
A blonde goes into a store to buy a TV She immediately sees one that, when turned on, has great sound and visuals. She tells the manager, I’d like to purchase this TV please. The manager replies, Sorry, but I don’t sell to blondes. The blonde is insulted, but decides that the TV is worth it. So she dyes her hair red and puts on extra makeup. She finds the manager again and says, I am interested in this TV. How much for it? Once again, the manager replies, Sorry, but I don’t sell to blondes. Frustrated, the blonde re-dyes her hair brown, cuts it short, and goes into the store with oversized sunglasses. I want to purchase this TV, she says to the manager in a heavy accent. Ma’am, he said, I told you I don’t sell to blondes! I’ve tried every disguise, cried the blonde. How do you still know I’m blonde? Because, ma’am, that’s a microwave.
Birthday at the old-age home So it’s Phil’s 90th birthday. All of the residents of the old-age home are there. Suddenly, two people come in with a huge Happy Birthday cake. The top of the cake opens up, and out pops a gorgeous busty blonde in a skimpy bikini. She goes over to Phil, sits on his lap, and says It’s your 90th birthday, and I’m here to give you super sex. Phil looks at her and says Please don’t take this the wrong way, but at my age, I’d rather have the soup.
I used to go to the physician just like you, but then I took an hammer to the knee. So it’s Phil’s 90th birthday. All of the residents of the old-age home are there. Suddenly, two people come in with a huge Happy Birthday cake. The top of the cake opens up, and out pops a gorgeous busty blonde in a skimpy bikini. She goes over to Phil, sits on his lap, and says It’s your 90th birthday, and I’m here to give you super sex. Phil looks at her and says Please don’t take this the wrong way, but at my age, I’d rather have the soup.
Magical Mirror In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. I think I’m the smartest woman on earth. POOF! She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. I think I’m the prettiest woman on earth. POOF! She disappears. The blonde goes up. I think POOF!
blond joke A blonde went into an internet cafe to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: I don’t have any money, but I’d do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother. The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). Anything? he asked. Yes, yes, anything the blonde promised. Well, then, Just follow me said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. Come in and close the door the man said. She did. He then said Now get on your knees. She did. Now take down my zipper. She did. Now go ahead … Take it out….. He said. She reached in and grabbed it with both hands. Then paused. The man closed his eyes and whispered .. Well … Go ahead. The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, …. tentatively said …. Hello. Mum, can you hear me?
New bikes for clever engineers. Mike, an engineer, rides his new bike to his friends Rob’s house who is also an engineer. Rob asks Mike where he got the new bike. Mike tells Rob about the encounter he had that very morning. He said that a beautiful bombshell blonde woman came riding up to his house while he was out front watering the lawn. He proceeds to tell Rob that she stopped in front of his house on the bike, took off all of her clothes and said take what you want. Rob looks at Mike and said Yeah the clothes wouldn’t have fit you
The Lone Ranger The Lone Ranger is out checking out the countryside on Silver one day when he gets ambushed by an Indian war party. He wakes up to find himself tied up in a teepee. He looks around and sees the indian chief and a bunch of others. The chief says to him, Lone Ranger! At last I have you! I am going to sacrifice you to the gods in three days at our festival. I am, however, a fair man, and I will grant you three wishes, one for each day. What is your first wish? The Lone Ranger replies, I’d like to speak to my horse. The chief sends a warrior to fetch Silver, and the Lone Ranger whisper’s in silver’s ear. Silver takes off, and doesn’t return until later that evening, with a beautiful blond on his back. The blond goes into the teepee with the Lone Ranger and spends the night. The next morning, the chief comes back in, and says Lone Ranger! That’s quite the horse you have! What’s your second wish? Lone Ranger says, I’d like to speak to my horse again. Chief sends for the horse, and the Lone Ranger whispers in his ear again. Silver takes off, comes back that evening with a brunette, even more beautiful than the blond. She also spends the night. Chief comes in the next morning and says Lone Ranger! I can’t wait to have your horse, but fair is fair. What’s your last wish? Lone Ranger says I’d like to speak to my horse again, ALONE! Chief thinks, What can it hurt? A redhead? He brings in the horse and everyone leaves. Lone Ranger grabs Silver by the ears, looks him square in the eyes and says Now Silver, listen to me! I need a posse. P.O.S.S.E.!!!
A brunette and a blonde are stranded on an island. Suddenly, a magical genie appears to them. He says, You girls have stumbled upon an unfortunate fate. Therefore, I will grant you each one wish. The brunette says, I wish I were home with my family! So it is done, the genie says, and the girl is poofed home. The blonde looks over to where her friend had just been standing and says, Aw man, I wish she hadn’t left me here.
Story of a dizzy blond !!!! This is a story of a poor dizzy blond flying in a seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She,frantic,calls out a May Day. May day! May day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and i dont know how to fly. Help me! Please Help me! She heards a voice over the radio saying: This is air traffic control and i have you loud and clear.i willtalk you through this and get you back on ground. i’ve had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now,just take a deep breath. Everything wil be fine! Now give me your height and position! She says , I’m 5’4 and i’m in front seat. (Pause) O.K. says the voice in the radio……. Reapeat after me : Our father who art in heaven
A blond, brunette, and a red head die and go to hell… God decides to give these three woman one last chance. He brings them to the stairway into heaven and says, There are 100 stairs and at each step I will tell a joke. If you laugh you will be sent back to hell. If you make it to the top without laughing, I will let you enter heaven. So it began. At the 30th step, God tells his joke and the brunette bursts out laughing. She then is sent back to hell. At the 70th step, God tells his joke and the red head starts laughing. She too was sent back to hell. Now on the very last step, before God begins telling his joke, the blond starts laughing hysterically. God then asks the blond, Why are you laughing? I have not told the joke yet? The blond then replies, I just got the first one!
This one is new in the market.. Sometimes blonde jokes are so blonde..
A happy man and a sad man Every day a sad man shows up for work and sees a happier man, who makes less money, show up too. The sad man can’t make himself as happy as the happy man even though he makes much more, has a better position in the company and is more popular. One day the sad man gets the nerve to ask the happy man why he is so fucking happy. He says Every day you come in here and make less than me but you are happier than me! How are you so happy?! . The happy man says: Well, it’s very simple. I get laid every night. The sad man cannot believe this. He asks him How can you get laid every night when you make less than I do and I don’t get laid that much?! . The happy answers Well it is very simple. Every night I go home to my wife. I cook her dinner, draw her a bath and recite this poem to her: Blonde hair, Blonde hair, Eyes of blue; Come over here so I can make love to you! . The sad man is shocked! He promises to go home that night and try this advice. The next day the sad man comes in to work even more sad that before – only now he has 2 black eyes. His happy co-worker is curious and asks what the hell happened: How in the world did you get those black eyes?! . The sad man answers: Well, I went home and did like you said. I cooked her a nice dinner, drew her a bath and recited her a poem. The happy man: What poem did you create for her?! The sad man says Nappy head, Nappy head, Eyes like a frog; Come over here so I can fuck you like a dog.
There are two sisters… … one is blonde and the other is brunette and they inherit the family farm. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the farm, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home. The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our farm. I need her to hitch the trailer to our 4×4 and drive out here so we can haul it home. The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, and then adds, It’s just 99 cents a word. Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, I want you to send her the word comfortable. The operator shakes his head. How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your 4×4 and drive out here to haul that bull back to your farm if you send her just the word comfortable? The brunette explains, My sister’s blonde. It’s a big word. She’ll read it very slowly…..
a blonde and an african walked into a bar, the african said he did a lot of hardwork to come to the states the blonde agreed!!
a brunette, ad red head, and a blonde escape from prison The three ladies hatch a plot to escape from prison by hiding in a laundry truck. As soon as the truck stops, they jump out and make a run for it. Being in the middle of nowhere they head for a plume of smoke that seems to be coming from a chimney. Upon arriving at a farm, they hear sirens and dogs barking not far behind them. In a panic, the ladies run into a barn and close the door. Looking for a place to hide, they find three burlap sacks on the ground, and each one climbs inside a sack. Hiding quietly, they hear the barn door open and the prison warden followed by three guards walk in. the warden walks up to a sack and kicks it. the brunette inside yelps, ruff, ruff, ruff! eh, just some puppies says the warden. the warden walks up to the sack where the redhead is hiding, kicks it, and hears meow, meow , and says eh, just some kittens . So he walks up to the sack where the blond is hiding, kicks it and hears potatoes, potatoes!
A blonde walks into an electronics store… and says to an employee, Excuse me sir, I’d like to purchase that TV. while pointing. The employee says We don’t sell to blondes. The blonde leaves as wonders what she can do about this. The next day, the same lady goes to the store with her hair dyed black and says, Excuse me sir, I’d like to purchase that TV. The employee says We don’t sell to blondes. Frustrated, the blonde comes back one more time with her hair dyed brown and says, Excuse me sir, I’d like to purchase that TV. Sorry, but we don’t sell to blondes. The lady, extremely confused and angry says How the hell do you know that I’m blonde?! The man says Because that’s not a TV, it’s a microwave.
A blonde tried to sell her old car A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day she mentioned her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, There is a way to make your car easier to sell, but it’s not legal. That doesn’t matter, replied the blonde, as long as I can sell the car. Okay, said the brunette. Here’s the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the odometer in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it shouldn’t be a problem to sell. The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, Did you sell your car? No, replied the blonde, why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it.
A joke There is a blond,brunette, and a red head stuck on a island. They found a lamp and a genie came out. He told them they could all have one wish. The red head said I wish I was at home with my family. The brunette said I wish I was at the beach with my family. Poof! There wishes were granted. Then the blonde said Im lonely I wish my friends were here. Poof!
Why do blonde girls have bruises around their belly buttons? Because blonde guys aren’t that smart either
I made an original blonde joke :3 So a blonde had trouble deciding what she wanted her phone password to be so she looked at her lockscreen and realised that there was a 4 digit number there perfect to use as a password, so she keyed it in. The next day she tried to unlock her phone but the 4 digit number she was keying in was, for some reason, wrong. She took it to a technician and told him how she set the password. He thought for a while and asked, When did you change your password? She replied, Around this time yesterday He then went to his room with the phone and after a few minutes he unlocked the phone and came out. How did you do it? Why was the 4 digit number on my lock screen different from when I set it? Because on your lock screen, there is a fucking clock
A blonde walks out of a hospital. She hails a taxi. The cab driver noticed she had her hand bandaged. Striking up a conversation he asks how she injured her hand. The blonde looks up sheepishly and says, I tried to commit suicide. The cab driver is taken aback but looks at his passenger in the rearview mirror. I’m glad you are okay but pardon me for asking; how did that affect your hand? The blonde takes a deep breath and starts her story. I took a gun and put it up to one of ears, but then I got worried that I’d be scared of the noise when I pulled the trigger. So I put my hand up to cover my other ear.
So, a milkman…… …..was delivering milk in the neighborhood as usual. When a blonde answered the door, she told the milkman to follow her to the bath-tub. Then she took of her clothes and asked the milk-man to fill the tub with milk. The milk-man said: Do you want the milk pasteurized? And the blonde replied: No, just up to my boobs. I can splash it in my eyes. (Taken from a South-Park episode.)
Pretty blonde woman threesome sex with Jed and Luke A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong with her car. Luckily, this happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, Oh, its Sunday night and my car broke down! I don’t know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help? Well, drawls the farmer, you can stay here, but I don’t want you messin with my sons, Jed and Luke. She looks through the screen door and sees two husky young men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in their early twenties. Okay, she says. After they have gone to bed for the night, the woman begins to get a little excited thinking about the two husky boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world? They say, Huh? She says, The only thing is, I don’t want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these. She puts condoms on the boys and the three of them make love all night long. Forty years later, Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth. Jed says, Luke? You remember that blond woman that came by here about forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world? Yeah, says Luke, I remember. Well, do you care any more if she gets pregnant? asks Jed. Nope, says Luke, I reckon not. Me, neither, says Jed, Let’s take these things off.
NO BACKSEAT A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat. No! yells the blonde. Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again. For the last time, no! says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, Well, why the hell not? The blonde says, ** Because I wanna stay up here with you! ** [source](http://smile.xonaki.com/Joke/EN?categoryCode=EN&jokeId=63)
BLOND GOLFER A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning. Finally the pro asks her what she wants. ** I can’t find any green golf balls, ** the blonde golfer complains. The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls. As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, ** Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls? ** ** Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps! ** [Source](http://smile.xonaki.com/Joke/EN?categoryCode=EN&jokeId=56)
The redhead mom, the brunette mom, and the blonde mom. There are three moms. A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde. They were all talking one day and the brunette says Oh my gosh y’all I went through my daughter’s purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed. They comfort her, and the redhead says Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter’s purse. I cannot believe she has one . So they all comfort her. Then the blonde says That’s nothing. I found a condom in my daughter’s purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis
