Dirty Little Johnny goes to school Teacher: We’re naming words that start with each letter of the alphabet. Who has one for A? Dirty Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thinks he’ll say ass or something and goes to Billy. Billy:Apple! On to B. DLJ still has his hand up. Better not call him, he’ll say bitch. Susy: Baseball! C is next, he’ll say cunt, can’t have that. Joey: Cat! DLJ still has his hand up at R, and the teacher can’t think of a single curse that begins with R, so, what the hell. Teacher: Yes, Dirty Little Johnny? DLJ: A rat. A big, fuckin’ rat. TL;DR: R is for a big, fuckin’ rat.
LITTLE JOHNNY… GEOMETRY Teacher: Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, ‘geometry.’ Little Johnny: A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, ‘Gee, I’m a tree.’
Little Johnny strikes again! LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN The teacher asked the class to use the word ‘fascinate’ in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, ‘My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.’ The teacher said, ‘That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate, not fascinating’. Sally raised her hand. She said, ‘My family went to see Rock City and I was ‘fascinated. The teacher said, ‘Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate.’ Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word ‘fascinate’ so she called on him. Johnny said, ‘My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.’
Little Johnny A teacher asks her class, If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left? She calls on little Johnny. He replies, None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot. The teacher replies, The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking. Then little Johhny says, I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married? The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, Well, I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone. To which Little Johnny replied, The correct answer is ‘the one with the wedding ring on’, but I like your thinking.
Little April Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, Tell me, April, who created the universe? When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. GOD ALMIGHTY! shouted April and the teacher said, Very good and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, Who is our Lord and Saviour, But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ‘JESUS CHRIST! shouted April and the teacher said, very good, and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child? And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE! The Teacher fainted
Little Johnny… Finding Jesus A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, Where is Jesus today? Steven raises his hand and says, He’s in Heaven. Mary answers, He’s in my heart. Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, He’s in our bathroom! The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this. Well, Little Johnny says, every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!’
11 year old johnny decides to curse Johnny was 11 years old and his little brother was 7.one morning Johnny decides its time to start cussing and his little brother agrees. a little while later their mom yells up the stairs and tells them to come down for breakfast. When they get downstairs Mom looks at little Johnny and asks what he would like for breakfast. Johnny says aw hell mom, I don’t know, just give me some of those cheerios. His mom slaps him across the mouth and sends him to his room. Then she looks at the little brother and says Now what would you like for breakfast? the little boy looks up at his mom and says i don’t know, but it sure as shit wont be cheerios!
Verbal Battle Little Johnny and Billy were engaging in the time-honored tradition of a verbal battle like little boys all over the world. My Father is better than your Father! Billy declared. No, he’s not! Johnny responded. My brother is better than you brother! Billy said. He is not! He is not! Yelled Little Johnny. My Mother is better than your Mother! Billy continued. A long pause ensued, then Little Johnny said, Well, I guess ya got me there. I’ve heard my Father say the same thing more than once
we are on a scavenger hunt! A woman answered her front door and found Little Johnny and Billy holding a list. Lady, Johnny explained, we are on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar. Wow, the woman replied. Who sent you on such a challenging hunt? Our baby-sitter’s boyfriend.
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, ”Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” ”I still don’t get it” responded the Little Johnny. ”Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. ”Okay then…good night” said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ”OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!”
Q&A Time w/Hillary Clinton Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers to answer questions from the kids. One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. Kenny, he says. And what is your question, Kenny? she asks. I have three questions, he says. First — what happened in Benghazi? Second — why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts? Third — what happened to that six billion dollars that went missing while you were Secretary of State? Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary tells the students that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, Okay, where were we? Oh, that’s right, question time. Who has a question? A different boy — little Johnny — puts his hand up. Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is. Johnny, he says. What is your question, Johnny? she asks. I have five questions, he says. First — what happened in Benghazi? Second — why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts? Third — whatever happened to that six billion dollars that went missing while you were Secretary of State? Fourth — why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And, fifth — where’s Kenny?
Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex and asks, What are you doing? His father says, We’re playing cards, and your mother is my wild card. A week later, Little Johnny walks in on his father masturbating. He asks, What are you doing? His father says, I’m playing cards. Where’s your wild card? Johnny asks. His father replies, Son, you don’t need one when you’ve got a good hand.
Every joke told in this sub, ever. Here are the punchlines to every joke in this sub. Print it out and you will never again have to click on the link: I bet the ***** $500. I could have your balls in my hand. A gun only has one trigger. No honey, she is left handed. Because she was fucking Goofy You mean they gave me a Chihuahua. You call him by his name, you racist. Well, my second wish was to get a very tall chick with nice strong legs who agrees with everything I say. There is no punchline I can’t complain he wrote back. ‘No, son. That’s ’cause your classmates are 9, and you’re 25. No…I’m a frayed knot True, says Sol. But it was me first day with the hook. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters, and they didn’t know either I’m a taxi driver and its going to be 150 Dollars for the ride here and back. I’m your son’s teacher. A few rows ahead I saw a man asking for a pencil and he got fucked in the ass When I told her, she looked surprised. No, said Little Johnny, the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking. The mother hugs him affectionately and says: My love, you can date whomever you want. He isn’t your father Peter, you’ve been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that. The Devil laughs. Where are you going to get a lawyer?
Little Johnny was doing his math homeworl One plus one, that son of a bitch is two. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine. He says to himself. His mother over hears him and asks what he’s doing. My math homework. He says. Is that how your teacher told you to do it? Little Johnny nods. The next day the mother talks to the teacher. Are you teaching my son to say. ‘Two plus two, that son of a bitch is four.’ ? Oh no! Says the teacher, It’s, ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four!’
Little Johnny comes down to breakfast… Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. Not yet. said Little Johnny. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal? he asks. Well, his mother says, I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren’t getting any milk. Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: Are you going to tell him, or should I?
Little Johny was learning about the government Little Johny is learning about the government in class. He doesn’t understand it very well, so he asks his teacher how the government works, and she gives him an explanation that he doesn’t understand, so she tells him to ask his father. When Little Johnny is going to sleep and is being tucked into bed by his father, Little Johnny asks his dad how the government works, his father’s response is Think of me as the president, your mom as the congress, your maid as the Senate, you as the people and your little brother as the future. . Little Johnny asked his dad to go into more detail, but his dad told him to go to sleep, so he did. Little Johny wakes up in the middle of the night and decides to go to his parents bedroom becuase he hears some loud snoring, but when he goes there he sees his mom sleeping alone. He heads to his maids room as he hears loud moaning and sees through the keyhole his dad having sex with the maid. He smells something bad coming from his brothers room, only to find his little brother has pooped in his diapers until suddenly he realizes and says, OH! I get it now, the president is screwing the Senate, the Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!
A Pastor traveling in the 19th century Back in the 19th century a pastor was traveling a large area where he had as his congregation. He would preach on Sunday in different homes until the church was built. One week he had to stay at a family that had quite a few children, and he had to share a room with their youngest son Johnny. At bedtime when they were preparing to go to bed, he noticed little Johnny was kneeling down beside the bed. Not wanting to be outshone by the kid, the pious pastor knelt down on the other side of the bed, folding his hands in prayer. This got Johnny’s attention, and he looked at the Pastor and asked: What are you doing? I am doing the same as you my child the pastor answered with a smile. Johnny answered: Then mom is going to be very angry with you, the piss pot is on my side!
Little Johnny goes trick-or-treating… Little Johnny goes trick-or-treating dressed as a pirate. He rings the doorbell of the first house and an old lady answers the door, bowl of candy in hand. She takes one look at him and exclaims, Oh, such a handsome pirate. And where are your Buccaneers? Little Johnny looks up at her and replies, Under my Buckin’ hat!
Little Johnny is complaining to his mother early in the morning ‘Mum, I have a stomach ache…’ ‘Don’t worry, honey,’ says the mother. ‘It’s only aching because you have an empty stomach.’ Little Johnny acknowledges this and calms down. In the evening, Little Johnny’s parents welcome an esteemed guest: the Under Secretary of Interior. During the course of the evening, the Under Secretary says: ‘Dear Madam, could I get some painkiller please? I have a horrible headache…’ Little Johnny looks up from his drawing in the corner and says: ‘Don’t worry, sir! It’s only aching because you have an empty head!’
Little Johnny’s mother sent Little Johnny to the store to get a loaf of bread. Little Johnny’s is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket. Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, This is a good opportunity to say something from the Bible to Little Johnny. He walks up to Little Johnny and says, I see Little Johnny that you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have in the other? Little Johnny replies, A loaf of bread Father.
LITTLE JOHNNY – THE POET A teacher was teaching her third grade class about poetry and explained that a poem, such as Mary had a little lamb / whose fleece was white as snow. / And everywhere that Mary went, / the lamb was sure to go could be changed to prose by altering the final line to the lamb went with her. She asked her class for an example. Little Johnny’s hand flew up. Mary had a little pig, / an ornery little runt. / He stuck his nose in Mary’s clothes, / and smelled her little… Little Johnny paused and asked, Teacher? Do you want poetry or prose? Prose! she quickly responded, thinking she’d saved herself some embarrassment. Little Johnny concluded, … asshole.
Little Johnny and the alphabet The teacher was going over the alphabet one day and asking students to give a word that began with each letter. Who has a word that starts with ‘A’, she asked. Knowing Little Johnny’s mind, she avoided calling on him. Apple, replied Susan. Very good, and who has a word for the letter ‘B’? Again, Johnny could not be trusted. Book, replied Edward. Great job, said the teacher. ‘C’ and ‘D’ were troublesome, too, so finally she arrived at the letter ‘R’ and felt it was safe to call on Little Johnny. Rat, said Little Johnny. Very goo- …a big fucking RAT with a dick this BIG!!
Little Johnny A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, I need a man, I need a man! Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, Oh, I need a bike! I need a bike!
Little Johnny One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes? His grandpa replied, Can your penis reach your asshole? No , said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, Then you’re not old enough. The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer? His grandpa replied, Can your penis reach your asshole? No said Little Johnny. Then you’re not old enough. his grandpa replied. The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, Can I have some of your cookies? Little Johnny replied, Can your penis reach your asshole? His grandpa replied, It most certainly can! Little Johnny replied, Then go fuck yourself.
At school, children learn about cucumbers Miss Campbell starts the class by drawing a large cucumber on the blackboard. The whole class starts laughing. Miss Campbell blushes and questions Little Johnny: ‘What do you think I drew on the blackboard?’ ‘A dick!’ exclaims Little Johnny. Miss Campbell is taken aback and runs to the headmaster to complain about the disorder and the misbehaviour of the class. The headmaster arrives promptly and shouts: ‘Children, wherever do you think you are?! What’s all this? And who drew a dick on the blackboard?!’
Whats that? 2 year old Johnny showered with his dad one night.. Johnny: Dad whats that? Dad: Well that’s my snake. Next night, Johnny bathed with his mom. Johnny: Mom, whats that? Mom: Thats just grass. Johnny: What are those? Mom: These are headlights. Johnny went to bed with his parents that night, scared from the thunderstorm. Just as little Johnny was falling asleep, he felt shaking in the bed beside him. He woke up and screamed when he looked under the covers to see what it was. Johnny: Mom! Turn on your head lights! There’s a snake in the grass!
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. ………. A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: Can I see your dad? Johnny: No, he’s in the shower. Salesman: What about your mother? Can I see her? Johnny: Nope. She’s in the shower, too. Salesman: Do you think they’ll be out soon? Johnny: Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.
If you had a dollar, quizzed the teacher, and you asked……. If you had a dollar, quizzed the teacher, and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have? One dollar. answered little Johnny. You don’t know your basic math. said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed. Little Johnny shook his head too, You don’t know my daddy.
The teacher, Miss Brown, goes to school in a mini-skirt At some point, Little Matt whispers to his friend: ‘I saw Miss Brown’s thighs!’ Miss Brown hears the comment. ‘You cheeky brat! Get out of here right now, I don’t wanna see you for three days!’ A while later, Little Timmy whispers to his friend: ‘I saw Miss Brown’s ass!’ Miss Brown hears that too. ‘You should be ashamed of yourself, Timmy! Get out of here at once, I don’t wanna see you in school for a week!’ As Little Timmy stands up to leave, Little Johnny joins him as well. ‘Johnny, where are *you* going?’ ‘Miss Brown, based on what I saw, I don’t think I’m coming to school again this year.’
Little Jenny isn’t a very good student She gives an especially poor performance at religion classes. One day, the teacher asks Little Jenny a question. ‘So Jenny, could you tell me who created the world?’ Little Jenny is thinking hard, but she doesn’t really now the answer. Suddenly, Little Johnny who’s sitting behind her stabs her with a needle. ‘Dear God!’ screams Little Jenny. ‘Wonderful!’ says the teacher, obviously satisfied with the answer. A little while later, the teacher asks another question. ‘And so Jenny, how do we call Our Savior, the Son of God?’ Little Johnny stabs Little Jenny again with the needle. ‘Sweet Jesus!’ she cries out. ‘The answer is correct! And could you tell me what Eve said to Adam when their twenty-third child was born?’ Little Johnny stabs her a third time and Little Jenny shouts: ‘If you stab me with that another time, I’ll rip off your balls!’
Maths class and the teacher asks the class a question ‘Children, how many pigeons will we have when there are three of them sitting on a branch and we shoot one?’ Little Johnny raises his hand eagerly. ‘None, of course.’ ‘What do you mean, none?’ asks Miss Carpenter, the teacher. ‘Because if we shoot one, the rest will get scared and they’ll all fly away.’ ‘Oh, I really like the way your mind works, but that’s not the answer I was expecting, because mathematically speaking two pigeons will be left sitting on that branch.’ The class continues. Towards the end, a few minutes before the bell rings, Little Johnny raises his hand again. ‘Miss Carpenter, could I ask a question as well?’ ‘Of course, dear.’ ‘Three women are walking on the street. All three of them are eating ice cream: the first one is licking it, the second one is biting it, and the third one is sucking it. According to you, Miss Carpenter, which one is married?’ The teacher blushes, but answers all the same. ‘I’d say the one who’s sucking the ice cream’ says Miss Carpenter. ‘Well, I’d say the one who’s got a wedding ring, but I really like the way your mind works.’
Teacher and student The Teacher says to the class: Who ever stands up is stupid *Nobody stands up* Teacher: I said who ever stands up is STUPID! *Little Johnny stands up* Teacher: Johnny, do you really think that you are stupid? Little Johnny: No Mrs, I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing…
How to sell toothbrushes Monday at school, the teacher lined up all the students and had them present their weekend homework: their assignment was to sell something and give a presentation on effective salesmanship. Sally was up first. I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30. My sales approach was to appeal to people’s sense of civic duty and I credit that for my success. Very good, Sally, said the teacher. Next? Jenny went next. I sold magazines and I made $45, she said. My approach was to convince people that the magazines would keep them up to date on current events and trends. Very good, Jenny, the teacher said. Eventually it was Little Johnny’s turn and as he walked up to the front carrying a large cardboard box, the teacher held her breath. He dumped the box out onto the teacher’s desk, covering it with cash. I made $2,167, Little Johnny said. $2,167?! the teacher exclaimed. What in the world were you selling? Toothbrushes, said Little Johnny. Toothbrushes?! echoed the teacher. How on earth did you sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money? I found the busiest corner in town, and set up a chips & dip stand and gave everyone who came by a free sample. They all said the same thing: ‘This tastes like dog crap!’ ‘It *is* dog crap,’ I told them. ‘Want to buy a toothbrush?’ The teacher’s jaw dropped. I used the government’s approach of giving you something shitty for free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth.
Little Johnny Little Johnny sat in the classroom staring out the window. The teacher noticed and was annoyed. She said Johnny, maybe you would like to share with the class what you find so interesting out there. Little Johnny said Teacher, you see those three ladies sitting on that park bench eating ice cream? The teacher said she did. Johnny said I noticed one of the ladies was licking the ice cream, another was sucking on the ice cream and the third was taking bites of the ice cream. Johnny asked Teacher, which one of those ladies do you think is married? The teacher blushed a little and said Well Johnny, I suppose it would be the lady sucking on the ice cream. Johnny said No, its the one with the wedding ring, but I like how ya think!
A teacher was teaching her 2nd grade class about the government… So for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, ”Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” ”I still don’t get it” responded the Little Johnny. ”Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. ”Okay then…good night” said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ”OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of crap!
At Sunday School.. ..they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the Kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and asked, Johnny, what is the matter? Little Johnny groaned and responded , I have a pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.
LITTLE JOHNNY DURING THE SCHOOL CANDY SALE The day of the candy sale, Little Johnny was sitting in front of the school munching one candy bar after another. A man noticed him and said, Son, eating that much candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat. Little Johnny looked up, swallowed, and replied, Oh, yeah? Well, my grandfather lived to be 107! Oh, really? replied the man. Did your grandfather eat six candy bars in one sitting, too? No, replied Little Johnny, But he did know how to mind his own freaking business!!
Little Johnny A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word fascinate in it. A little girl says, Walt Disney World is fascinating. The teacher says, No, I said, fascinate. Another little girl says, There’s so much fascination when it comes to sea life. The teacher again says, No, the word is fascinate. Little Johnny yells from the back of the room, My mom has such big boobs that she can only fasten eight of the 10 buttons on her shirt.
Little Johnny So Little Johnny’s teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says teacher, I’ll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is. She replies, okay, meet me after class and we’ll settle it. But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. Blue. Nope. You got it wrong, she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn’t wearing any underwear. Well come with me out to my dads car, he’s waiting for me, and I’ll get you the money. She follows him out. When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn’t wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he’d see your pussy before the end of the day!
Little Johnny meets his future self. One day Little Johnny was in his room practicing piano. When suddenly a portal opens revealing Big Johnny, little Johnny’s future self. Little Johnny excitedly asks Big Johnny What am I going to be in the future. Big Johnny replies A pedophile as he closes the lights and doors.
Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub… Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub. He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton. She replies, A bush. The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he’s in the shower. He asks, What is that big long thing hanging between your legs? His father replies, It is a snake. A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub. He asks, What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton? She replies, Headlights. A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. He yells, Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!
Teacher asks children for flower names \- Starting with… D. \- Daisy! – said little Susie. \- Very good! Starting with… R. \- Rose! said little Lucy. \- Very, very good! Starting with… O. \- Orgasm! – said little Johnny. \- Orgas… That’s not a flower, you little… \- Maybe not, but it’s very, very… Very good!
Teacher With Naughty Johnny Teacher: Anyone who thinks they are stupid may stand up! Nobody stands up Teacher: I’m sure there are some stupid students over here!! Little Johnny stands up* Teacher: Ohh, Johnny you think you’re stupid? Little Johnny: No i just feel bad that you’re standing alone
Thanksgiving Dinner Little Johnny lives together with his parents. One day, he heard his parents arguing. You Bitch! You Bastard! Being the curious child he was, Little Johnny asked, Mommy, Daddy, what does ‘Bitch’ and ‘Bastard mean? The parents, not wanting to teach their child bad words, quickly said, It is another way to say ‘Ladies and Gentlemen. Another day, Little Johnny caught their parents having sex. Oh, let me taste your dick… Your pussy too… Once again, little Johnny went up and asked, Mommy, Daddy, what is a ‘Dick’ and ‘Pussy’? Awkwardly, the parents explained, It refers to the coats and accessories. On Thanksgiving day, the father was shaving his beard. He accidentally cut himself while shaving, and exclaimed, Shit! Unfortunately, Little Johnny was around to hear that, and thus, asked his father, Daddy, what does ‘Shit’ mean? His father answered, It refers to the act of shaving one’s beard After a while, Little Johnny saw his mother preparing dinner. Unfortunately, she cut herself while preparing the turkey. Fuck! She exclaimed. What does ‘Fuck’ mean? Little Johnny asked. Quickly, she said, It refers to the act of preparing the turkey. Now the guests arrived, and Little Johnny went to greet them. Wanting to use his new vocabulary, he said, Bitches and Bastards, please put your Pussies and Dicks on the rack over there Appalled, the guests asked, Where’s your father? He’s shitting his beard, he replied casually. Where’s your mother? She’s fucking the turkey.
Little Johnny sees his grandpa smoking Little Johnny sees his grandpa smoking a cigar. Grandpa! What is that? Can I try? I dunno Little Johnny… Can your dick touch your asshole? ….um not yet. Then you can’t. Maybe when you’re older. *Little Johnny walks away disappointedly* *a few days later, Grandpa is drinking a beer and Little Johnny walks by and notices* Grandpa! What is that!? Can I try some? I dunno Little Johnny… Can your dick touch your asshole yet? ….no. Then you can’t, maybe when you’re older. *Little Johnny walks away mad* *Couple days later Little Johnny is sitting at the table eating a plate of chocolate chip cookies and Grandpa comes walking by and notices* Ohhhh chocolate chip! Can I have a cookie Johnny? I dunno Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole? It sure can! Then go fuck yourself Grandpa these cookies are mine!
Little Johnny One day little Johnny’s mom sees him standing on the stairs holding a cat and a bag of skittles. Little Johnny eats a couple of skittles and bites the cat then takes a step down the stairs. What are you doing little Johnny? I’m playing trucker! Popping pills, eating pussy and moving along
Little Johnny is a good boy The Teacher says to the class: Who ever stands up is stupid [Nobody stands up] Teacher: I said who ever stands up is STUPID! [Little Johnny stands up] Teacher: Johnny, do you really think that you are stupid? Little Johnny:No, I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing
Mother, How was school today, Johnny? Little Johnny: It was really great mum! Today we made explosives! Mother: Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow? Little Johnny: What school?
Little Johnny Strikes Again Little Johnny was in the classroom bored to the back teeth on a Friday afternoon, and the teacher decided to have a game for the kids to get them thinking. Okay class. Now I’m going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me who said that quote, can have Monday off. said the teacher. Who is credited with writing the phrase, To be or not to be, that is the question ? asked the teacher. Little Pham Lam Nguyen at the front of the class called out, Shakespeare . Well done! said the teacher, You can have Monday off. No thank you Miss. I am of Vietnamese origin and it is in our culture to study as hard as we can, so I will be here on Monday studying hard.. said Little Pham Lam Nguyen. Well okay, said the teacher. The next quote is, I had a dream! Little Fri Sum Kat also at the front yelled out I bereiva it was Martin Ruther King! Well done! said the teacher. ‘You can have Monday off No thanka you miss I am of Chinese oligin and we also do not take time offa school. Education is evelything to us, so I will be in on Monday studying hard too. said little Fri Sum Kat. Okay, said the teacher. Then she heard a voice from the back of the classroom, Fucking Asians! Who said that? yelled the teacher in an angry tone. Donald Trump! yelled little Johnny. See ya Tuesday.
so little Johnny goes to a girls school… stands in the middle of the ground during morning assembly, stands facing the girls, turns around, drops his pants, drops his underwear, and bends over. While all the girls are in shock at this perverse display, security personnel come over and he is taken to the principal. Principal: Before I report this to the police, I am curious to know as to what the fucking hell was in your mind? Why did you do that? Little Johnny: I heard that these days girls like ass-holes.
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