2 Jokes Joke 1: A man is driving alongside a cliff leading down into the ocean. He’s a delivery man for Dunkin’ donuts, so his truck is filled with boxes of donuts of every kind. Glazed, old-fashioned, even apple fritters, you name it, he has it in his truck. Now this man is in a hurry, and he’s driving pretty fast, about 60 mph. He’s driving along, and he suddenly hits a bump. His truck jumps a little, but he’s fine, still on the road. Then, he begins to speed up. He gets up to 80 mph, on this road just feet from a cliff. Then he hits a second bump. A little bit more of a jolt, but ultimately nothing to be concerned about. The man isn’t scared at all, and gets his truck up to 100 mph. At this breakneck speed, he hits a third bump. This time, a donut flies out of his truck, off the cliff, and into the ocean below, where a fish eats it. Joke 2: A man gets married to a beautiful wife, and for their honeymoon they decide to go on a cruise. During the cruise, the man is leaning against the railing thinking about how wonderful his life is. Unfortunately, the man had quickly developed a bad habit of twirling his wedding ring around his finger. While doing so, he accidentally knocks it off of his finger and into water. The man dejectedly explains to his wife what happened. She’s pretty angry, so to make it up to her, he takes her to a really fancy restaurant after they dock. After long deliberation, the man orders the fish. The fish arrives, steaming and beautifully cooked. The man cuts into it, and is shocked at what is inside. He just can’t believe what he sees. A free donut! (For optimal telling, wait a few minutes after telling the first)
The dam fish A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get hiscustomers’ attention, he is yelling, Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here! A pastor hears this and asks, Why are you calling them ‘dam fish.’ The boy responds, Because I caught these fish at the local dam. The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, I didn’t know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way. He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, That’s the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!
What’s the difference between a piano and a fish? You can’t tuna fish!
So the Belgians are pissed… The king of Belgium is fed up that the Dutch make jokes about how dumb Belgians are. He goes to King Willem, of the Netherlands, and demands that the Dutch should do something stupid, so that the Belgians can laugh at the Dutch. Willem wants to maintain good relations so he says; meh, we will build a bridge in the Sahara . The king of Belgium approves and so it happens; the Dutch build a bridge in the desert. They became the laughing stock of the world. The king of Belgium is pleased and says to king Willem: Ha ha that was funny, you can remove the bridge. King Willem responds: We can’t, there are Belgians on the bridge trying to fish.
A man auditions as a pianist in a lounge bar… and says to the bar manager who is hiring I’m going to play you some of my own instrumental compositions and then proceeds to play a couple of beautiful tunes that really move the manager. When he’s finished the manager says: Oh my god that was terrific – what were the names of those tunes? The man replies Thank you, the first one was *’I just fucked your wife and wiped my dick on your curtains when I finished’* followed by *’After doing you sister up the arse, I also did your dog and cat then washed myself in your fishtank’* The manager was taken aback, but recovered with aplomb and asked to hear another. The man launched into such a powerful piece that it moved the manager to tears. Wiping his eyes he was slightly hesitant but summoned up the courage and asked the man the name of that piece. That was called *’I wanked on you mum’s face and she asked for more with a side fries’* The Manager looks at the man for a moment, and then says You are a terrific talent so you’re hired but for God’s sake please don’t say the names of the songs to the patrons. The first night was going very well and a lot of people were turning up to listen to the new pianist who was playing wonderful music and as requested the man never announced the names of any of his tunes. During a break the man was feeling horny and decided to go off to the bathroom for a quick wank in one of the stalls. Just as he was finishing the manager comes bursting into the bathroom and yells Hey if you’re in here then hurry up we’ve got a LOT of customers awaiting your return to the stage! The man, startled, starts making his way out through the crowd to the piano. On the way a customer pulls him aside and says Mate, do you know your fly is unzipped and your cock is hanging out with cum on the end of it?? The man looks at him and says Know it? I fucking wrote it!!
How many ADD’s does it take to change a light bulb? Let’s go fishing
A nun goes fishing… A nun goes fishing for the first time, and asks a local fisherman to help her out. Together they catch a large fish. Take a look at that sonofabitch! the local fisherman says. The nun responds, Excuse me sir! You do not use that language in front of a woman of God. He replies, I beg your pardon sister, but that’s what the fish is called. Its name is the ‘sonofabitch fish.’ The nun thinks about this as she brings the fish back to her church. She asks her priest for help cleaning the sonofabitch. Sister! You should not talk this way in a house of God. No father, that is what this type of fish is called. He then takes the fish and cleans it, and brings it to another nun, and asks her to cook the sonofabitch. Father! A man of the cloth should not speak so! That is the name of the fish, I am not swearing. So the nun cooks it. That night, the pope decides on a surprise visit to their church. The fish was smelling especially delicious, so the two nuns and the priest decide to serve it to their guest. As they presented it to him, the first nun said I caught this sonofabitch! The priest said, I cleaned this sonofabitch! The second nun said, I cooked this sonofabitch! The pope looked at them thoughtfully for a moment, and then responded: You fuckers are all right.
Why did the fish die? Because the fish just want to krill himself on air.
Dinner for the Pope A priest is searching the fish market so his parish can make the best dinner tonight for their special guest, the Pope. He comes across a fish monger who has a large and glorious looking fish for sale. He asks the fish monger My child, is this a high quality fish? I would like to buy it for dinner . The fish monger says Of course! It’s the best sonuvabitch I ever caught! He hesitates and back tracks after seeing the priest’s reaction to profanity and quickly lies. No offense meant, Father. That’s just the type of fish it is. It’s a Sonuvabitch. The priest falls for the lie and buys the fish. He takes it back to the parish and tells the alter boy to Clean and prepare the Sonuvabitch, then give him to the nun to cook for the Pope. The alter boy is shocked that the priest would swear, so the priest explains it was the type of fish and the alter boy understands and goes on his way. After the fish is cleaned and prepared, the alter boy takes the fish to the Nun and says The Father asks for you to cook this Sonuvabitch tonight for the Pope. The nun smacks him with a ruler and tells him to do a Hail Mary, but then the alter boy explains that he was told that’s what the fish was called. The nun apologizes for the smack and takes the fish to cook it into the best meal she’s ever made. So the Pope arrives around 6pm and dinner is at 7. The priest, alter boy, and nun are extremely excited to meet the Pope and tell them how they made the meal he seems to really be enjoying. At the end of the dinner, they approach him. The Pope says I adored the meal, the fish was an utter delight. Thank you for all of your efforts. The priest You’re welcome, your Holiness. I bought the Sonuvabitch. The alter boy say You’re welcome, your Holiness. I prepared the Sonuvabitch. The nun says You’re welcome, your Holiness. I cooked the Sonuvabitch. All the onlookers from the parish look at the trio shocked and wait for the Pope to react. He considers them for a moment with an intrigued look on his face, and says You motherfuckers are alright.
An elderly couple were at home… An elderly couple were at home watching TV. Phil had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. Sally became more and more annoyed and finally said, For God’s sake, Phil… leave it on the porn channel… you know how to fish!
A boy is selling fish on a corner To get his customers’ attention, he is yelling, Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here! A pastor hears this and asks, Why are you calling them ‘dam fish.’ The boy responds, Because I caught these fish at the local dam. The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, I didn’t know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way. He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, That’s the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!
A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers’ attention, he is yelling, Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here! A pastor hears this and asks, Why are you calling them ‘dam fish.’ The boy responds, Because I caught these fish at the local dam. The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, I didn’t know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way. He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, That’s the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!
A boy is selling fish on a corner…. A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers’ attention, he is yelling, Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here! A pastor hears this and asks, Why are you calling them ‘dam fish.’ The boy responds, Because I caught these fish at the local dam. The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, I didn’t know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way. He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, That’s the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!
i was walking down the street, when someone threw a packet of cod liver oil at my head…….. …….but i only suffered super fish oil injuries
Someone hit me in the head with a bottle of omega 3 tablets the other day. It’s OK, it was just a super fish oil wound
Indian Chief, Two Beagles, was asked a question by a great white government official You have observed the great white man for 90 years. You’ve seen his warts and his technological advances. You’ve seen his progress and the damage he’s done. The Chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, Considering all these adventures, in your opinion where did the great white man go wrong? The Chief stared at the government official and then replied, When great white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty ruffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex. Then the chief leaned back and slowly moved his hand across his chest. By this point, the government official had already realized that this was not Indian Chief Two Beagles at all but American actor and philanthropist Mark Ruffalo, from the critically- acclaimed 2010 dramatic comedy The Kids Are All Right.
Setting the ground rules of a happy marriage After the wedding, the groom sits down his bride and goes, I just need to tell you three things. Every Wednesday night, come sun, rain or snow, we play football with the lads. Ok? Yes , replied the bride. Every Saturday night, me and the lads go out drinking. Regardless whether you like it or not, it’s happening Ok , she said. And finally, every Sunday we go fishing. Am I being clear? Yes , said the wife. Splendid. Now, do you have any rules of your own I need to be aware of? Oh, just the one , she said. Every night at 9 o’clock sharp, I have sex. Regardless whether my husband is home or not, I am having sex . lost in translation and typed on mobile phone disclaimer
About 4,000 years ago: God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die! Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: Correction, I shall create a great flood!
A boy is selling fish on a corner. A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers’ attention, he is yelling, Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here! A pastor hears this and asks, Why are you calling them ‘dam fish.’ The boy responds, Because I caught these fish at the local dam. The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, I didn’t know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way. He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, That’s the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!
What makes fish smell? One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Eve, but couldn’t find them. God saw Adam and asked where Eve was? Adam replied, She’s down at the Ocean, taking a bath. Damn, says God, now all the fish will smell.
Last night I went on a blind date with an attractive woman It started off great, with easy small talk at the restaurant. She asked about my job. I told her entrepreneur. She asked what I liked most about my job. I replied, ‘freedom.’ We started to get in that comfortable groove. My daddy always told me, she said, with a far away look and wistful grin. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and it’ll take ten times the effort to beat his will into submission. Um, what’s your job again? Director of Human Resources, she replied.
What is Kanye West? A gay fish. Because he likes fish sticks and likes to put them in his mouth.
Deaf Genies …. Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke. He asks the other guy if he has a lighter. He replies Yes I do! and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter. Surprised the guy asks Where did you get this? The guy replies Oh I have a personal genie. The first man asks Can I make a wish? Sure says the other man Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing Ok I will says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants. The man says I want a Million Bucks The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head. And the guy says to the other Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt he? The other man replies I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC
A man buys a talking parrot. Once a man was feeling lonely and wanted to get a pet. He didnt want a fish or a cat or a dog. He wanted something to talk to. He wants one of those neat talking birds he heard about. He sets out for the pet store. Our man arrives at a pet store who specializes in birds. After browsing he steps up to the owner of the store, Excuse me, ma’am. I… I was wondering if y’all had any of those neat talking birds I heard so much about? Owner says, yeah. Theyre a hot ticket right now. I have one left. Hes a beautiful bird, a bit shy but boy does he love to sing. tv jingles, dean martin songs, elvis, you name it. Oh boy! How much is he? Well, with the cage, he’s 400 dollars. Trust me, we have the best places in town. She replies. After some quick thought he pulled out his credit card and let her swipe it. Took the bird home, even named him Elvis because, well, he wasnt very creative. The bird did have sort of a stylish hairdoo. Once he gets the bird set up in the living room he stands by the cage trying to get Elvis to talk. to no avail. The bird just stares at him. Turning his head from side to side as the man says the things he thinks the bird wants to hear. This goes on for a day. He gets angry and takes the bird back to the store. Ma’am I’m sorry i have to return this bird. It refuses to talk. The owner replies, well, did you buy the little ladder? The little ladder. Says our man. Yeah the little ladder, the store owner replies, you buy the little ladder and he climbs up to the top of it and he feels like hes on top of the world and it makes him want to sing. The little ladder is necessary. He loves the little ladder The man, now feeling ignorant, says okay ill take it 30 bucks He pays and leaves At home the bird is happy to have the little ladder, he loves the little ladder. Hes climbing up and down the little ladder. But hes still not saying a,word. The next morning the bird is still scilent and the man is back at the store look this bird is not gonna talk. I want my money back. Sorry no refunds. Also, i notice you dont have the little bell in your cage. You buy a little bell for the top of your little ladder and the bird rings the little bell and then he knows what key to sing in for you. He wouldnt want to be flat. Without the little bell the little ladder is useless. Said the owner. How much? $47.99 He reluctantly pays and returns home. This bird is just climbing the little ladder and ringing the bell but not singing a single note. Up, *ding*, down. Up. *ding.* down. Last time. Hes at the store. Trying to contain his frustration he says, why isnt this bird talking. I paid for a talking bird and it doesnt talk. I bought the little ladder, the little bell and he still wont talk to me. Sir, please reamin calm. This will all be fine. You just need a little mirror. A LITTLE MIRROR? Yes sir, he climbs the little ladder, rings the little bell, looks in the mirror and thinks *’oh thats a good lookinf bird’* and stars to serenade its new friend. I know youre upset so ill give you 25% off this mirror, it will only be 75 dollars. At this point the man is desperate and will do anything to get this damn bird to talk. He buys the damn mirror and leaves. He gets home and sets the little mirror up next to the little bell at the top of the little ladder. Okay bird, *Elvis*, say something. Say anything. Talk. To. Me. Elvis climbs the little ladder. Rings the little bell. Looks in the little mirror long and hard just before he collapses to the cage floor. Elvis locks eyes with the man and says hey, they have a little bird seed at that store? And dies. Holy shit im so sorry.
10 inch BIC Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies Yes I do! and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks Where did you get this? The guy replies Oh I have a personal genie. The first man asks Can I make a wish? Sure says the other man Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing Ok I will says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says I want a Million Bucks The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt he? The other man replies I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC
An elderly couple were at home An elderly couple were at home watching TV. Phil had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. Sally became more and more annoyed and finally said, For God’s sake, Phil… leave it on the porn channel… you know how to fish!
It was George the Mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge. All this was just too wonderful for words, he said, But what’s the dollar for? Well, she said, Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, ‘Screw him. Give him a dollar.’ The breakfast was my idea.
Adam and Eve have sex for the first time. After, Adam is dozing off under a tree, and God asks him how did it go? Adam replies That was the greatest thing ever! I can’t wait to try it again. That’s great to hear Adam. says God, Where’s Eve I want to ask her what she thought of it. Oh, she’s just down in the river cleaning up says Adam. Shit, fuck, goddam it…. Screams God God, what’s wrong? What’s wrong? Now I’ll never get that smell out of the fish.
Why do beta fish fight each other? Because they’re trying to figure out who’s the betta fish
Godzilla Walks into a Bar… …and sees King Kong at the end of the bar downing whiskey, looking like he’s trying to drown his sorrows. What’s wrong, big guy? Godzilla asks. My old lady just ran off with another guy, says Kong, throwing back another Jack Daniels. That’s tough! But what man could beat your time? It wasn’t a man. In fact, it was a whale: Moby Dick! Wow, says Godzilla, But what did she see in that big fish? Then Godzilla lowered his voice and asked, Was it that he had you beat, you know, uhh.. down there? No, says Kong, I had him matched in that department. Guess I just couldn’t compete with a guy who has a six foot long tongue and can breathe though a hole in the top of his head!
Why did the mafia boss get banned from the aquarium? He was sleeping with the fishes.
A young salesman moves to the big city He wants a job with the biggest department store. So he meets with the manager of the store and the manager asks him so what makes you think you’d be so good at sales? Because I am good at figuring out what people might want said the young sales boy. The manager decides to give him a shot and tells him to start at 8am the next morning and he’ll be by at 5pm to see how he did. The day was long but the boy made it through. At 5pm the boss came to see how the day went and asked so how many sales did you make today? Just one says the boy Just one!? The first day most of my guys make 30 to 40 sales. How much was this sale worth? $176,391 says the boy, proudly. What?! Exclaims the manager, How did you manage to make one sale for that much?! Well it was easy the boy explained, this guy came in and I sold him a small fish hook. The a medium fish hook and some tackle. He decided he needed some new rods so he picked up a couple of the new stock we have in. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said way up north. So I said ‘well you’ll need a boat.’ We went over to the boats and he picked up a 24 ft schooner. He took one look at that and said my Volkswagen is never going to pull that so we went to the car lot and he got a new 4×4 The manager was in shock. You sold all of that to a guy that came in to buy a fish hook? No, he came in to buy some tampons for his wife and I said ‘well your weekends shot. Might as well go fishing
Man stumbles out of the bar… The local sheriff’s deputy notices how drunk he is and starts to him watch stumble to his car. The man fishes his keys from his pocket dropping them several times. After many minutes, the man is finally able to get his door open. He then crawls behind the wheel. Meanwhile, others are leaving the bar as ‘last call’ has sounded, until the man is the only person still in the parking lot. He then proceeds to drunkenly drive away. Not 500 feet down the road, the deputy pulls him over, and runs his plate. Totally clean record. He gets out of the car and knocks on the window. Sir, I need you to step out. Sure, no problem officer. He doesn’t smell like alcohol at all, nor does he have it on his breath. He runs him through a field sobriety test, and a breathalyzer. Passes both. If you’re not drunk at all, why were you acting the way you were in the parking lot?! Because, I’m the designated decoy.
So, a guy’s fishing on a boat.. ..after fishing all day he runs out of gas. After sitting on the water stranded for hours, another boat pulls alongside and offers help. Desperate for help, the stranded fisherman asks Hey can I borrow them two oars?!? The man quickly responds Them ain’t oars, that’s my mother and my sister
A guy walking into a bar sees an old man fishing in a puddle off the sidewalk. Poor Old fool, he thought. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today? The old man replied, You’re the eighth.
The fisherman A man and his wife are staying at a lake cottage when they notice a couple driving up one day with a Just Married sign on the back of their car. Every morning he sees the man who just got married head out to fish in a row boat all day long. After a week of seeing this, the man says to his wife, I’m going to say hello to that young man and make sure things are okay with him and his new bride. So the next morning he heads outside as the guy is going to his row boat. He greets him with a smile and says, Hey, I noticed you just got married but every morning you head out fishing for the entire day. Not that it’s any of my business, but shouldn’t you be inside doing the new wife? The fisherman says, I can’t, she has gonorrhea. The neighbor says, Oh well, why not try some oral sex? I can’t, she has pyorrhea, says the fisherman. The neighbor says, Well, how about doing it from the back, if you know what I mean. The fisherman replies, I can’t, she has diarrhea. So the neighbor say, Gonorrhea, pyorrhea, diarrhea. Why did you marry her?! The fisherman replies, She has worms, I like to fish.
What has got 8 legs and 1 eye? 2 chairs and a half of a fish.
Ambush! It was a beautiful day. The most beautiful of days some would argue. No one could possibly imagine anything could go wrong on such a day as this. The sun was out early, birds could be heard chirping in the trees. The sky was blue not a cloud in sight. So our hero decides to invite his best friend on a fishing trip. They load up the rods, the bait, the chest full of lures and hooks and of course the beers. Some would say this was their first mistake, but our duo sets off on the highway for a few hours and eventually turn off on some smaller roads. To finally get off the paved streets and onto a dirt trail for maybe another 2 hours. All goes well at arrival and the pair is off on the water in no time. After a short time and a few beers, re-tellers of the story argue on the number, the wind picks up and before they have time to react it’s already raining lightly and the waves pick up. Fear sets in the boat and after lightning bursts and a huge wave hits the side of their boat our heroe’s best friend falls into the water without him noticing. The now swimming friend calls out our heroe’s name! Not sure if he heard something, our hero turns around and sees an empty boat, and realises he did here something. What did you say? He exclaims Now the skies were pure dark, thunder bellowed every 5 seconds and flashes appeared left and right. And our victim yells his friends name out once again. Calling out for help essentially But through all the noise it was hard to make out, what did you say? Replies our antagonist. Now getting angered, and almost drowning he yells out his friend name what seems to be one last time. In the distance another boat is seen. And looks to be diverting course towards our troubled duo. Our hero distracted by this, and also hopes they come to help, suddenly gets back on track and could make out the general direction his friend was in cause of what he was yelling. And so he asked again what did you say? No sound from the water… the second boat is maybe 500 meters away when they hoist a flag. It has a skull and two crossed bones on it. Our hero panics and suddenly sees his friend surface from the water. And his catches a big breath of air and yells out our heroe’s name. Clearly he can now see Pete his best friend in the water. Finger tips barely touching if they would be trying to grab each other. But our hero now look angry puts his hands on the side of the boat. Leans over close to his friend and says What did you say?
The secret to ice fishing… It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite. He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not too far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish. The old man couldn’t believe it but figured it was just luck. But, the boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one. This went on and on until finally the old man couldn’t take it any more since he hadn’t caught a thing all this time. He went to the boy and said, Son, I’ve been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it? The boy responded, Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm. What was that? the old man asked. Again the boy responded, Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm. Look, said the old man, I can’t understand a word you are saying. So, the boy spit into his hand and said, You have to keep the worms warm!
The Devil’s Island Three fishermen get stranded on the Devil’s island. The Devil tells each fisherman to bring him a fruit from the island. When each of men bring back their fruit, The Devil says, you will stick your fruit up your butt, and if you make any facial expressions you go to hell, but if you don’t you go to heaven. The first fisherman brings back a banana. He begins to stick the banana up his butt and winces in pain. The Devil sends him to hell. The second fisherman brought 30 grapes. When he gets the the 29th grape he starts laughing uncontrollably. The Devil asks why’d you laugh? You were doing so well! The second fisherman replies, The next guy brought back a watermelon.
A blind man.. Is walking down the street and stumbles upon a fish market With out skipping a beat he says good morning ladies! *proceeds to play colt 45*
A priest caught a gold fish He said: You need to grant me wishes now, I am tired of being a priest! She came, took his bible and threw it away. Done – the fish said. Now he said I want to be rich but do nothing! Stop fooling around! she said and gave him the bible back. — Its rough translate from my language, hope its still funny xD!
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day Give a man a poisoned fish and he’ll eat for the rest of his life
Give a retarded man a fish… And he’ll plant it and try to grow a fish tree.
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day… Teach a man to microwave a fish and he’ll lose the respect of all his co-workers.
Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish, he’s grown ass man and fishing isn’t that hard.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day… teach a man to fish and you create a market for bait and tackle.
What do you call a swimming doggo? A big ol’ pupper fish
How many fish did it take to kill my ex wife? None, there are no fish under my new gazebo.
I love to fish A man comes back from his honeymoon and is telling his friend about it, the friend asks Where did you go on your honeymoon? He replies Lake Watahaxie . His friend says but that’s a fishing resort . he replies Yep, I love to fish . His friend says But it was your honeymoon, you’re supposed to have lots of sex on your honeymoon. He tells his friend Can’t do that, she’s got 6 different STDs…Can’t have no sex . his friend replies Well, there’s always oral sex, did you do that? To which he says Nope, she’s got real bad teeth, all jagged and sharp…Can’t have oral sex. His friend winces then asks Okay, what about anal sex, would she let you do that? He replies Nope, she’s got huge hemorrhoids, just terrible…Can’t have anal sex. His friend pauses for a few moments then finally says We’ve been friends a long time, and I don’t want to offend you, but I’ve gotta ask why you married a woman with so many problems? He says Well, she’s got worms too, and I LOVE to fish.
