Johnny wants to go bathroom Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom? Little Johnny: But I asked first!
Little Johnny… A kindergarten teacher decided one afternoon to teach the kids all about the 5 senses. She had the kids stand in a big semi-circle, blindfolded them and proceeded to make various sounds with bells, horns etc. Each 6 yr old took turns successfully guessing. She then handed each child various objects like rabbit fur, sand paper etc. Each had to guess what they were touching. She moved on to the sense of ‘taste’ and handed out various lifesavers. Still blindfolded, the kids successfully guessed the various flavors: cherry, lime, grape etc. but they were stumped at the honey flavored. After a little while the teacher said ‘Ok, I’ll give you one hint. It’s a name that sometimes your Mom calls your Dad. Instantly Little Johnny whips off his blindfold and yells Spit them out guys! They’re assholes!
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, I know the whole truth. Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, I know the whole truth. His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, Just don’t tell your father. Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, I know the whole truth. The father promptly hands him $40 and says, Please don’t say a word to your mother. Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, I know the whole truth. The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!
Little Johnny is getting ready to go to grandmas house… When he walks in on his mother in the shower. What’s that? He asks pointing at her downstairs area. Why, that’s just my black rabbit, Johnny. Now hurry up and finish getting ready. He does and they are soon in the car on the way to grandmas. Once they get there, little Johnny runs ahead, through the front door, looking for grandma. He finds her, also in the shower. His jaw is agape, his pointing finger trembling. G-grandma, what’s THAT? Why that’s just my white rabbit, Johnny. Well, you’d better take it to the vet, coz your rabbit is inside out!
The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: What part of the human body increases to 10 times it’s normal size when excited? Jessica responds: That’s disgusting! I don’t have to answer that question! So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: That’s easy…the pupil of the eye. That’s correct, Johnny. Very good! And turning to Jessica, she says: I’ve three things to say to you, young lady… first, you didn’t do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you’re in for a big disappointment!
kids play pretend Little Johnny and Suzie were playing on the porch, when the little girl asked, Hey, do you wanna get undressed and play Doctor? Little Johnny replied, That’s too old fashioned… spit out your gum and let’s play President!
Little Johnny walks in on his parents in middle of the act… He stares in disbelief for a few seconds then runs out. Mom and Dad feel terrible that he saw them having sex, so Dad throws on his robe to go and talk to him. Passing by the kitchen, he hears grunting and sees to his horror, Little Johnny piledriving Grandma! Dad roars, JOHNNY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? Calmly, Johnny answers back, so NOW you know what it’s like watching somebody fuck YOUR Mom?
Little Johny Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word? Johnny says Mas-ter-bate. Ms Hall smiles and says, Wow, little Johnny, that’s a mouthful. Little Billy says, No, Miss Hall, you’re thinking of a blowjob.
Table manners Teacher: Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? Michael: ‘Just a minute I have to go pee.’ Teacher: ‘That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?’ Sherman: ‘I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.’ Teacher:’That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?’ Johnny: ‘I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.’
Little Johnny is playing ball the balls gets stuck in the tree, Johnny seeks the help of his pregnant neighbor. while the neighbor is climbing up the ladder to fetch the ball, Johnny says Miss Susan, I know you are carrying a boy. How do you know ? asks miss Susan. I can see his mustache, says Little Johnny
Little Johnny learning about sex. **One day, little johnny’s dad comes home and randomly says:** Johnny, today, I’m going to teach you how to have sex. Cool dad! **Little johnny’s mother was surprised but didn’t say a word.** Wife! To the room we go! Come with us Johnny. Now you sit there and watch. Dad’s gonna explain everythin, alright? Alright! Wife! We gonna teach him the doggy style position. You know what to do. **Little Johnny’s mother was really embarrassed, but she did it anyway.** Good good. Now just stay like that while I teach him some stuff. You see Johnny, there’s two holes in there. Today, we are only going to use this one. The one humans use to reproduce. We will leave the other one for another day since it hurts and your mommy needs to prepare beforehand. Okay dad. Now you just put your penis in there, and start going back and forth, back and forth. Like this. **Little Johnny’s dad starts demonstrating him how’s it done.** See? That’s how you make it Johnny. Oh yeah, that’s right! **Just a few seconds later, Johnny’s sister enters the room and sees little Johnny sitting on the chair watching mom and dad have sex. She’s asks him:** What are mom and dad doing? Dad told me, it’s called sex! But what’s sex? Do I really have to exlpain everything? Sigh **While pointing to his dad’s ass, he says.** Do you see this hole over here? **She nods** Now watch!
Donald Trump visits an elementary school Donald Trump is visiting a elementary school and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks Mr Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word tragedy. So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers: If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy. No, says Mr Trump, that would be an accident. A little girl raises her hand: If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy. I’m afraid not, explains the exalted businessman. That’s what we would call a great loss. The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Mr Trump searches the room. Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy? Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: If a private jet carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy. Fantastic! exclaims Mr Trump, That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy? Well, says the boy, because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either.
Teacher: Anyone who thinks he’s stupid may stand up! *Nobody stands up* Teacher: Im sure there are some stupid students over here!! *Little Johnny stands up* Teacher: Ohh, Johnny you think you’re stupid? Little Johnny: No… i just feel bad that you’re standing alone…
Little Johnny casts his vote A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Trump voters. Not really knowing what an Trump voter is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny. The teacher asked little Johnny why he has decided to be different… again. Little Johnny said, Because I’m not an Trump voter. The teacher asked, Why aren’t you a fan of Donald Trump? Johnny said, Because I’m a Democrat. The teacher asked him why he was a Democrat. Little Johnny answered, Well, my mom is a Democrat and my Dad is a Democrat, so I am a Democrat. Annoyed by the answer, the teacher asked, If your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you? With a big smile, little Johnny replied, That would make me an Trump voter.
Johny the Fighter Pilot A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: What do you want to be when you grow up? Little Johnny says: I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest Prostitute, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane. The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. And how about you, Sarah? I wanna be Johnny’s Prostitute.
Little Johnny Little Johnny was getting ready to leave school when he heard his friend panicking. He walks to his friend LJ: Hey, are you okay? What’s wrong? Girl: LITTLE JOHNNY! You have to help me! I am bleeding and I do not know why and I am so scared and I do not know what to do! You have to help me! Please! LJ: You’re bleeding?! Okay, okay, where are you bleeding? *She points down at her skirt* LJ: Hmm, now I see some of the blood, well, I guess I can take a look and give you my opinion? She pulls down her skirt and underwear. Little Johnny takes a look, a few seconds go by… Girl: So, Little Johnny, what do you think is wrong?! LJ: Well, I ain’t a doctor, but one thing is for sure. Looks like someone tore your balls off.
Little Johnny gets a Private Tutor. Little Johnny is falling behind in his studies, so his Mom decides to hire him a tutor. The tutor says she will first ask Little Johnny some questions before deciding to take up the job. Tutor: How many days in a week? LJ: Eight! Tutor: Hmm… How many months in a year? LJ: Thirteen! Tutor: Ok, perhaps we should try something different. What is your Mom’s favorite thing? LJ: Seventy!
A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Donald Trump fans…… A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Donald Trump fans. Not really knowing what a Donald Trump fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny. The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different… Little Johnny said, Because I’m not a Donald Trump fan. The teacher asked, Why aren’t you a fan of Donald Trump? Johnny said, Because I’m a Democrat. The teacher asked him why he’s a Democrat. Little Johnny answered, Well, my Mom’s a Democrat and my Dad’s a Democrat, so I’m a Democrat. Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you? With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, That would make me a Donald Trump fan. Disclaimer: I didn’t come up with this joke, a friend told it to me. I know it’s been floating around for a bit but i haven’t seen it on here Edit: Formatting
Little Johnny Little Johnny was walking along the street when a guys pulls up next to him. Little boy the man says If I give you a boiled lolly will you come in my car? Little Johnny retorts You give me the whole bag and I will cum in your fucking mouth!
Little Johnny One day, Little Johnny came home from school early and walked in on his parents having sex. Little Johnny: What are you two doing? Father: I am playing *Poker* son Little Johnny: What about mom? Father: Don’t worry about her, she is my *Wildcard* Little Johnny shrugged, put down is backpack and went to the bathroom. An hour passed by and his dad became concerned. Father: *Knocks on the door* Little Johnny! Are you okay? *No response* LITTLE JOHNNY! ARE YOU OKAY? Still no response, his dad knocks down the door to catch Little Johnny playing with himself. Father: What were you doing in here, Little Johnny? Little Johnny: I was playing *Poker*, Dad. Father: Oh really? If you’re playing *Poker, then where is your Wildcard*? Little Johnny: *Dad, when you have a hand this good, you don’t need no Wildcard*
Suzy is sleeping in Sunday school when… The teacher asks the class: Who created the heavens and the earth? Little boy behind Suzy pokes her with a pencil. Good God , Suzy exclaimed. Very good Suzy. Now who can tell me who saved us from our sins? the teacher asked. Little Johnny pokes Suzy again. Jesus Christ! she shouts. Very good Suzy. I’m glad you’re answering so strongly. Now, what did Eve day to Adam after their last child? the teacher asked hoping to stump her students. Little Johnny pokes Suzy again… Suzy jumps up and shouts if you poke me with that one more time I’m gonna break it! Teacher faints out of sheer hysteria
Little april in Sunday school! Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, Tell me, April, who created the universe? When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. GOD ALMIGHTY! shouted April and the teacher said, Very good and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, Who is our Lord and Saviour, But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ‘JESUS CHRIST! shouted April and the teacher said, very good, and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child? And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!
Little Johnny is sitting on his front porch… stirring a bucket of chicken shit. After a short while the milkman walks up for the morning delivery and asks him what he is making. A milkman , little Johnny replies. Puzzled the milkman leaves. Soon after the mailman walks up and asks little Johnny the same question to which he replies I’m making a mailman! Shaking his head, the mailman walks off. That afternoon the milkman and the mailman are having lunch and discussing little Johnny’s latest antics and are overheard by a cop who decides he wants to see this for himself. So he goes over to little Johnny’s and sure enough, there he is still sitting on the front porch stirring his bucket of chicken shit. The cop goes over and asks him the same question- what are you making there Johnny?’ Little Johnny responds, a milkman and a mailman! Confused the cop asks, why dont you make a policeman? Little Johnny replies, I dont have enough chicken shit!
Little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom… To find his dad giving his mom one. His dad smirks and throws a pillow at the door saying, Get outta here, you little shit! A couple of hours later dad hears a whole lot of commotion coming from little Johnny’s bedroom. He goes up to find little Johnny giving his Grandma a right royal seeing to. Little Johnny smiles, It’s not so fucking funny when it’s YOUR mom, is it?
The Teacher says to the class: Who ever stands up is stupid The Teacher says to the class: Who ever stands up is stupid *Nobody stands up* Teacher: I said who ever stands up is STUPID! *Little Johnny stands up* Teacher: Johnny, do you really think that you are stupid? Little Johnny: No Mrs, I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing.
Kids parents jobs One day in class the teacher asked the kids what their dads did for a job. The teacher first asked little Albert what his dad did… My dads a fireman said Albert The teacher then asked little Susie… My dads a police officer said Susie The teacher then asked little johnny what his dad did… My dads dead said johnny The teacher then asked well what did he do before he died Little johnny said he turned green and shat on the carpet
Little Johnny… Little Johnny was at school, when his teacher presented him with a question. Johnny, if there are five birds sitting on your porch, and you throw a rock at one of them, how many birds will you have left? Little Johnny replied, Well none, because if you throw a stone at one, they all would fly away. The teacher corrected little Johnny and said, Well no, you would have four birds, but I like the way you think. Johnny accepted his correction. Later that day, Little Johnny asked his teacher a question. Say teacher, If you saw three women eating ice cream, were one of them licks the cone, one of them bites the cone, and one of them sucks the cone, which one do you think would be married? The teacher thinks for a while, and says, Well, I’m going to guess it’s the one who sucks on the ice cream cone. Johnny replies with a smug look on his face, Well no, its the woman with the ring on your finger, but I like the way you think!
A man and his wife decide to have sex But the wife isn’t comfortable with their son, Johnny, being able to barge in on them during the act. The man has an idea. He goes up to his son, Johnny, let’s make a deal. Stare out of the window and for every person dressed in black you see, I’ll give you a dollar. Johnny agrees and the man and his wife go off to quietly have sex. A few minutes go by.. Dad you owe me a dollar! Another few, Dad, you owe me two! There is a period of silence from little Johnny until he exclaims, Dad, a prostitute would have been cheaper! There is a whole funeral procession outside.
Little Johnny and God One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, Fuck this, Fuck that. The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says, You shouldn’t swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us. Is he in the sky? asks Johnny. Yes, says the priest. Is he in that bush over there? asks Johnny. Yes, says the priest. Is he in my wagon? asked Johnny. Yes, says the priest. Well tell him to get the f**k out and push!!!
Little Johnny One morning little Johnny and his father was walking down the road when little Johnny saw a beetle on the ground with its feet up. Johhny asked his father, Dad what’s wrong with that beetle? , and his dad responds, The beetle died and it will be easier for God to pick it up and take it to heaven. This makes Johnny cry and he begins to explain to his dad why. Mom is going to die! This morning, she was holding her feet up and screaming ‘Oh God I’m coming’, luckily the neighbor was there holding her down
Sunday School Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, Tell me, April, who created the universe? When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. GOD ALMIGHTY! shouted April and the teacher said, Very good and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, Who is our Lord and Saviour, But April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. JESUS CHRIST! shouted April and the teacher said, very good, and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child? And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!
A father and a son one day were walking down a road when the little Johnny sees a beetle laying on the ground with his feet up and asks his father Dad what’s wrong with that beetle? , his dad tells him that the beetle has died and has his feet up because it will be easier for God to pick him up to the heaven when he comes down. And the Johnny starts crying and tells his Dad that his mother was going to die too, Dad: What, how! . Johnny: This morning, she was holding her feet up and screaming oh God I am coming, luckily the neighbour was there holding her down sorry english not my first language.
Most adults are hiding at least one dark secret!!! At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, I know the whole truth. Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, I know the whole truth. His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, Just don’t tell your father. Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, I know the whole truth. The father promptly hands him $40 and says, Please don’t say a word to your mother. Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, I know the whole truth. The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!
A teacher takes her kindergarten class on a field trip the the ocean… …while they’re there she realizes that she forgot her swimsuit. She thinks so what, they’re little kids they don’t know about these kinds of things and she decides to swim naked. Suddenly little Johnny comes over and points between her legs and asks teacher what is that slit you have there . Well she says when I was young and axe fell on me and cut me . Right in the pussy? Johnny asked.
Little Johnny… The Way You Think Teacher: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left? Little Johnny: None. Teacher: Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left? Little Johnny: None. Teacher: Can you explain that answer? Little Johnny: One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left. Teacher: Well, that isn’t the correct answer, but I like the way you think. Little Johnny: Teacher, can I ask a question? Teacher: Sure. Little Johnny: There are three women in the ice cream parlor. One is licking, one is biting and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married? Teacher: The one sucking the cone. Little Johnny: No. The one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think.
johnny Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day. The first one says, My Daddy is so cool he can eat four Burgers at one meal. The second one says, That’s nothing. My Daddy can eat six. Little Johnny starts laughing and says, My Daddy can eat light bulbs. The other two boys tell Johnny that he is out of his mind. They ask him why he thinks his daddy can eat light bulbs. Little Johnny replies, Last night I was passing my parents room and my Daddy said, ‘Honey, turn out the light, I want to eat that thing.’
Which body part goes to heaven first? Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first. One little girl raised her hand and said, I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God. The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love. Very good, said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny’s hand up. Oh no, she thought, I’m not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first? Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, Your feet. The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first. He replied, Well, I was walking past my parents’ bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, ‘Oh God, I’m coming!’, but fortunately Dad was on top of her holding her down.
A new teacher was trying … to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up! After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny? No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!
What they never taught you in the 2nd grade. A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future. I still don’t get it responded the Little Johnny. Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better, said the dad. Okay then…good night said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middleof the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, buthis dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized somethingand thinks aloud, OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, andthe future is full of shit!
A little more Little Johnny. Little Johnny walks into his dad’s bedroom and sees him sliding on a condom. His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asks curiously, What are you doing, Dad? His father quickly replies, I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed. Little Johnny replies, What are you gonna do — fuck him?
Little Johnny gets even. One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigarette. Little Johnny asked, Grandpa, can I smoke one of your cigarettes? His grandpa replied, Can your penis reach your asshole? No , said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, Then you’re not old enough. The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer? His grandpa replied, Can your penis reach your asshole? No said Little Johhny. Then you’re not old enough. his grandpa replied. The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, Can I have some of your cookies? Little Johnny replied, Can your penis reach your asshole? His grandpa replied, It most certainly can! Little Johnny replied, Then go fuck yourself.
The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately? I’m in love. the boy replied. Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, With whom? With you! he said. But Johnny, she said gently, don’t you see how silly that is? It’s true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don’t want a child. Oh, don’t worry, the boy said reassuringly, I’ll use a condom!
Little Johnny needed to go to the bathroom So he told his mother I need to poop! The mother was entertaining a bunch of friends and was clearly embarrassed to hear this out loud. So Johnny’s mother leaned in and says Next time you need to poop, say you need to whisper. It was late night and the mother had gone to sleep. Little Johnny waddles into her room, and says to her Mommy! I need to go whisper! Dazed, the mother slurs If you need to whisper, go do it in daddy’s ear.
Moaning A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, I need a man, I need a man! Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!
Little Johnny in Sunday School A Sunday school teacher think his students might need a refresher on Jesus, so he asks the class, Do you know Jesus is? Steven raises his hand and says Jesus is in Heaven. Mary answers He’s in my heart. Little Johnny raises his hand and jumps up and down and blurts out, He’s in our bathroom! The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this. Well Little Johnny says every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!’
Sunday School (somewhat NSFW) Little June was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping: Tell me, June, who created the universe? When June didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. GOD ALMIGHTY! shouted June. Very good! the teacher said and June fell asleep again. A while later the teacher asked June, once again: Who is our Lord and Savior? But, again, June didn’t stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. JESUS CHRIST! shouted June and the teacher said, Very good! I’m proud of you, June, and she fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked June a third question: What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child? And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time June jumped up and shouted, IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING AT ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS! The teacher smiles and says, Very good!
Little Johnny At school one day, Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to use the word contagious in a sentence Cindy raises her hand. Yes, Cindy? She answers, I was at the dentist’s office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious. Very good, Cindy! the teacher said, Anyone else want to try? Samantha raises her hand. Yes, Samantha? She answers, My dad tells me not to yawn because then everybody else yawns. He says yawning is contagious. Excellent work, Samantha! Very creative, the teacher praises. Okay, one more volunteer. Little Johnny raises his hand. Yes, Johnny? Well, he says, I was helping my dad in the yard last week, and we saw the neighbor painting his house. He was using a small brush, so I asked my dad, Daddy, why is he using such a small brush?’ and he says, I don’t know son, but it’s gonna take that contagious.’
Johnny Assignment The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was. It’s a period, reported Johnnie. Well I can see that, she said, but what is so exciting about a period. Damned if I know, said Johnnie, but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself.
A teacher asked the students to name a color composed little Johnny knew only one possible answer, dark green. Not to forget Joaozinho kept repeating the color name softly. A **Black student** was sitting in front of little Johnny and did not know any color, but heard the little Johnny response. When the teacher asked the answer to the **Black student** he replied: – Dark green, teacher. Said DeShawn. Then the teacher asked little Johnny and he quickly responded: – Black motherfucker.
Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ? One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ? . His teacher replies NO Johnny moans and says But my mummy lets me . OK then, just for tonight the teacher replies. Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger . She again says NO . But my mummy lets me says Johnny again. Well I suppose it’s OK replies the teacher. Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming THAT’S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON Little Johnny replies It aint my finger either .
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