Jewish Cowboy I got on a bus and sat down next to a beautiful blonde woman. She was crying, so I asked her what was the matter. I just left my psychiatrist, and he doesn’t know what to do with me, she said. Well what’s wrong? I asked. Why would I tell you, we just met! Sometimes is good to tell your problems to a random stranger on a bus. So she looked out the window for a second and then turned to me and said, I’m a nymphomaniac and I’m only attracted to jewish cowboys. By the way, I’m Diane. So I looked at her and I said, Hello Diane, I’m Bucky Goldstein.
Blonde revenge There were two friends, Blonde and Brunette. They were having fun and playing games. Brunette placed her hand on the table and asked the blonde to punch her hand as hard as she could. So the blonde did. While the blonde was punching, brunette moved her hand. Blonde punched the table and was hurt. Furiously she said I will get you back. Mark my words. Couple of months pass by and the blonde plotted her revenge. She called the brunette over. They started playing and then the Blonde said Punch me on my hand as hard as you can while placing her hand on her face.
The boy in the wheelchair Two tall, beautiful, busty blondes are walking through the shopping mall when one of them bumps into a young boy in a wheelchair. As she spins around to apologize, she notices the boy is in tears. What’s wrong sweetie? she asks tenderly. The boy in the wheelchair replies Well it’s just, I don’t have a lot of time left and I never even got a chance to try a milk shake. I can’t afford it but that Dairy Queen looks so delicious. The other blond steps in Here honey, have my milkshake, save the rest of your money. The boy lightens up, Wow really, thanks! But sadly, I don’t have any money. I never got a chance to go shopping in the mall for real since my parents were so poor. Filled with sympathy, the first lady reaches into her wallet and hands him a 100 dollar bill. Now you can buy anything you want, you poor thing. The boy had never been so happy, he took the bill, almost as if it wasn’t real. He stuff it into the pocket of his wheelchair, but as the women were about to leave, his eyes started to water. No one has ever been so nice to me, but sadly I can’t buy the only thing I want. What is it honey? the second blond cooed. Well, I’m 13 years old and I don’t know how much longer I’ll be here, but I never got a chance to see a woman’s chest. I know it’s embarrassing I shouldn’t have said it. The two women exchanged glances, nodded, and lifted up their shirts. The boy was stunned. Never had he seen such perfection. Just then, a man shouted from across the mall Billy, it’s time to go, your mother is waiting! The boy hopped up from the wheelchair and ran after him. The women were stunned. That’s when an old man walked up and said isn’t that just the sweetest little boy? He told me he didn’t have much time left and he had never had a chance to ride in a wheelchair, so I let him borrow my wifes. Bless his soul.
A seashell tattoo A blonde is showing off her tattoo, a seashell, on the inside of her thigh. When a friend asks why she had the tattoo placed there, she answers: When you put your ear against it, you can smell the sea!
A guy’s girlfriend breaks up with him… So he is very depressed, goes to the bar. There, he asks for a drink and a tall, smart, blonde, pretty girl approaches him. They talk for about an hour until the guy, finally, asks her to go home with her. They have sex and this goes on for about two weeks but the guy notices something strange after each time they have sex. Finally out of curiosity he asks Why do you like to stroke my dick after every time we finish? She responded Oh, no particular reason. It’s just that I miss mine.
as i get to the soda machine… … I find a blonde already there. She puts in some change, makes a selection, and the soda pops out at the bottom of the machine. She then puts in more change, makes a selection, and again, another soda appears. This goes on for several minutes and I finally ask if I could step in and get a soda really quickly. The blonde looks up and glares at me. Are you kidding? Not while I’m winning!
Why did the blonde girlfriend’s bellybutton hurt? Because her boyfriend was blonde too! Take a second. I’ll show myself out.
A blonde joke A blonde girl walks into a store and sees a small TV that she really likes. She asks the sales clerk, How much for this TV? The sales clerk says, I’m sorry, we don’t sell to blondes. Angry, but determined to buy the TV, the blonde girl storms out and dyes her hair black. She comes back the next day and says, How much for this TV? Again, the clerk says, Sorry we don’t sell to blondes. The girl, confused as to how he knew she was blonde, dyes her hair red and goes back the next day and asks, How much for this TV? Again, the sales clerk says, Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes. Fed up, the blonde girl says, Okay, I give up! How do you know I’m blonde every damn time?? The sales clerk says, Because that’s not a TV, it’s a microwave.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only two. One person holds the bulb and the other blonde twirls the other blonde around.
Duck a fuck! There was a man who had three sons. He gave each of them a duck and told them to go out and sell their duck for as much as possible. The first son went out and sold his duck for $5, went home and told his dad what he had done. His father congratulated him and told him to go and buy himself a beer. The second son also sold his duck for $5. His father congratulated him and told him to go and buy himself a beer. The third son went out and saw a gorgeous blonde woman on the side of the road. He went up to her and said I’ll give you my duck if you have sex with me. She considered it and said Ok . They had sex and when they were done she said wow that was good, I’ll give you your duck back if you’ll do me again.The boy agreed. While they were having sex again, the duck got loose and ran out into the road. They saw the duck escape and pulled their pants on but not quickly enough to prevent the duck from getting run over by a car. The driver jumped out of the car and said I’m so sorry i killed your duck. I’ll give you $40 dollars to make up for it. When the third son finally returned home, his dad asked how much he had made. He said I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and forty bucks for a fucked up duck.
A midget walks into a bar A midget walks into a bar. The stools are a bit high for him, so he looks up at a pretty blonde bartender and asks her, can you help me get onto the stool? Always wanting the please the customer, she comes around the bar, picks the little fella up and puts him on the stool. He sits and drinks for awhile, puts down some money, and starts to leave. Seeing this, the bartender runs around, grabs him, and puts him down on the floor. He looks up at here and says, Sweetie, I only needed your help getting up, not off.
What Not to Do When You Get a Prostate Exam Last time I went in for a prostate exam, the Doctor walked in and WOWZER! She was a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! As she’s doing the finger-wave, she says….. Mike, you’ve got to stop masturbating …………………I said Why? She says Because I’m trying to examine you!
Who says German has no humor? http://online.wsj.com/articles/poop-pooches-a-magazine-devoted-to-dog-haters-is-a-hit-in-germany-1410834607 One of the main articles was about Hitler and his dog, Blondi. Another debated the ease of electronic burglar alarms over the hassle of owning a German Shepherd. A third, illustrated with the picture of a lavishly pruned poodle, analyzed The phenomenology of slutty poodles: the role of dogs in the sex trade.
Just another blonde joke A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. What does it look like? the driver asked. It’s square and has your picture on it. The policewoman replied. The driver finally found a square mirror and handed to the policewoman. Here it is. she said The blonde officer and looked at the mirror and said, Sorry, I didn’t realize you were a cop. You can go.
Two blondes are walking through the woods Two blondes are walking through the woods at night, and they reach a stream. They want to know what’s on the other side, so they start thinking of ways to get across the stream. One blonde finally comes up with an idea. I’ll shine this flashlight across the stream, she says, and you walk across the flashlight beam. Once you get to the other side, I’ll turn the flashlight off and throw it to you. Then you can do the same for me. The second blonde ponders this for a bit, then gets frustrated. Oh, ha ha. You really think I’m stupid, don’t you? You’re not getting me this time. The first blonde gets confused. What are you talking about? The second blonde says, You’re going to turn the flashlight off when I get halfway across!
A lawyer is sitting on a plane… …and he notices that there’s a blonde woman sitting next to him, looking like she’s about to fall asleep. He thinks quickly, *how do I make some money off of this dumb blonde?* He suddenly has a great idea, and leans over, tapping her on the shoulder. She blinks at him. Hm? What is it? He replies, Hey… do you want to play a little game? Come on, it’ll be fun! She turns her head back to the window and mumbles, No thanks… I want to go back to sleep. No, no! I haven’t even explained it to you! the lawyer pouts (as best a middle-aged man can pout, anyway), looking at her pleadingly. Fine. The woman rolls her head back over, and the lawyer explains the game. So, here’s how it works: I ask you a question, and if you get it wrong you give me ten dollars. Then, you ask me a question, and if I get it wrong, then I give you a hundred dollars! Then we keep going like that. Mentally, he’s snickering, figuring that this blonde couldn’t possibly ask him a question he couldn’t answer. No thank you, the woman politely declines, and turns her head yet again. But- please, just try it! *Fine,* the woman bites out, looking a bit harried. Alright! I’ll go first… what’s the distance from the Moon to the Earth? The woman silently hands him a handful of toonies [dollar bills if you’re American]. My turn. What three-legged North American animal is purple at dawn, orange at dusk, and grey inbetween? The lawyer stares at her, horror growing, until finally he reluctantly peels a hundred dollar bill from his wallet. The woman nods wordlessly and promptly turns her head to fall asleep. The lawyer is increasingly agitated by the question, asking the attendants, the other passengers, even trying in vain to find the answer on his computer, but he turns up nothing. Finally, he’s so frustrated that he grabs the woman’s shoulder. She jerks awake with a start. Well? What’s the damn answer?! he snarls. She looks at him for a minute, then hands him ten dollars.
So a guys asks a blonde if he can do her from behind. She obviously says no. The guy then says he will be very quick and offers her 100$. All she has to do is pick up the money while he drops it on the floor. She tells him she has to ask her boyfriend. She tells her boyfriend about the offer and he tells her to make it 200$ instated. He won’t even have time to unzip before you pick it up . The next day the blonde accepts the offer and bends down to pick up the money. Later the same day the blonde comes home limping. What happened honey? asks the boyfriend. It was all in coins she replied.
Carpet layer A dark-haired woman was ordering carpet from a local carpet dealer who had stopped by the house to take her order. In the livingroom, I would like a nice beige to go with my table. The man writes this down on his pad and goes to the window and yells, Green side up! The woman is confused but doesn’t say anything about it. Here in my son’s room, we’d like a pale blue carpet. Again the man writes this on his pad and again he goes to the window and yells, Green side up! The woman decides to let it go for now and leads the man to the master bedroom. In here, we’d like a deep brown carpet. The man again writes this on his notepad and again goes to the window and yells out, Green side up! The woman can no longer hold back her curiosity. I asked for beige, blue, and dark brown carpets. Why are you yelling ‘Green side up!’ out the window? The man looks at her in surprise and says, Oh! I guess that is confusing . . . I have a team of blondes laying sod at the house across the street.
Two Newfies picking college classes. Two Newfies (the Canadian version of blondes I guess) are picking classes for college. The first one goes into the councillors office to sign up. Inside, the councillor says to him, I’m going to recommend five classes for you: Math, English, Science, History, and Logic. Logic? the Newfie replies. What’s that? I’ll give you an example, the councillor replies. Do you own a lawnmower? Of course! Well then, using logic, I can reasonably assume you have a house. Since you have a house, I can assume that you have a wife that helps you pay the mortgage down, and since you have a wife I can assume that you aren’t gay. That’s incredible! the Newfie exclaims. Sign me up for that class! The councillor signs him up for his classes and the excited Newfie goes back into the hall to see his friend. What classes did you sign up for? his friend asks. Math, English, Science, History, and Logic, says the first Newfie. Logic? What’s that? replies the friend. I’ll give you an example, the Newfie says. Do you own a lawnmower? No. You’re queer, aren’t ya?
A dumb blonde wearing headphones walks into a hair salon… She sits down in the waiting area and eventually falls asleep. The stylist takes off the blondes headphones so she will hear when her name is called. When her name is called, the blonde doesn’t respond, so the stylist shakes her to wake her up, and the blonde is stone cold dead. When the paramedic arrives, he checks the headphones and says Well here’s the problem. The stylist listens, and the headphones are playing the words Breathe in. Breathe out. on repeat.
A crying blond A blond goes into work crying her eyes out,her boss asks her whats wrong,she tells him that her mom died,the boss tells her that its ok for her not to come to work,but she disagrees and says that she needs to work to put her mind of it.As the day goes by she feels better,later she received a phone call and starts screaming and crying,when the boss came and asked her whats wrong she says: That was my sister,HER MOM DIED TOO!
Blonde working at tickle me Elmo factory A blonde has been looking everywhere for a job. But as soon as she shows up for interviews they see she’s blonde and they don’t hire her. Finally she goes to a tickle me Elmo factory,tells the boss her plight and he decides to hire her. He tells her what to do and she starts her shift. A few hours later the boss gets complaints that the assembly line has slowed down. He goes to see what the problem is and he see that the blonde has been putting to marbles between each of the tickle me Elmo’s legs. Stunned the boss asks the blonde what she is doing. She says I’m just doing what you told me to do. The boss shakes his head no no no,I told you to give them two test tickles..
Best Blonde Joke Ever What is the funniest blonde joke you’ve ever heard?
Blondi-Jokes These are 2of most hillarious Blondinejokes ever. I hope you like it and Im looking forward to being friends with you in the reddit community 2 Blondines are going around the corner. Afterwards the corner is gone. 2 Blondines go around. Then the first one says to the second one, can i go in the middle please. fred
Two blondes are sitting by the river … and are watching ducks. A farmer on a tractor appears and asks ‘Can I cross the river over here?’. ‘Sure you can’ one of the blondes replies. So he drives into the river and drowns after which one blonde comments to the other: ‘Strange that he drowned, the ducks were submerged only to their chests’
Heavenly gift? A young brunette stewardess is on her first international flight, flying from Los Angeles to Sydney, Australia. Just as the jet approaches the equator, the cabin door pops open and she is sucked out. She screams for a while, and figures that she is going to die. Seeing nothing but water below her, she begins to think that she may survive the fall, but she is worried that if her clothes are wet, they may weigh her down and she will drown. She takes off all of her clothes and continues falling. Just then she falls into a powerful waterspout, spinning round and round she gets quite dizzy. The waterspout is so powerful; it crosses the equator with the stewardess inside. Once past the equator, the waterspout loses momentum. As the waterspout approaches an uncharted island, the shallow water causes it to break up, depositing the naked stewardess gently on the island. Too dizzy to stand and amazed that she is alive, she passes out. A while later she is woken up by someone shouting Hallelujah . The stewardess, now awake, but still naked sees a dishevelled man with a long beard approaching her. He then says Thank you God, but next time could you send me a blonde
A blonde, redhead, and brunette were looking at a dictionary for the hardest words they knew. The brunette’s word was quizzical. The redhead’s word was photosynthesis. The blonde’s word was dick.
A blonde calls her boyfriend… One day a man gets a call from his blond girlfriend. Hey Babe! Listen, I need you to come over right now! I’m doing a puzzle and I think it’s supposed to be a tiger but I just can’t figure it out, I’ve been doing it for hours… The boyfriend was a little confused, as she didn’t seem the type to buy a puzzle… But it was clear she was upset, so he made the trip over. He walked in to her apartment and saw her sitting on the floor, a blue box overturned and all the pieces arranged in random circles on the floor. He looked at her for a while without saying anything, then just sighed and said, Sweetie, lets get all these frosted flakes back in the box…
All blonde women gets together and try to prove that they are smart So all the blonde women get together and decide that they have to prove that they are smart. They call all the blond women in their town for a convention. They also called news papers and a math professor from a local University. The professor have picked out one blonde and ask her a question in order to prove their smartness. He calls one blonde up to the front and begins. Professor: What is 150*4? Blonde: 823 Blonde Crowd: Give her another chance. Give her another Chance. Professor: Fine. I will make it easier this time. What is 10*10? Blonde: 28 Blonde Crowd: Give her another chance. Give her another chance. Professor is frustrated and says: OK. One last time. This is the last try. What is 5+5? Blonde: 10 Blonde Crowd: Give her another Chance. Give her another chance.
A Blonde is in a Bar… …and she’s wearing a set of headphones. The bartender walks up to her and says, Sorry, but we don’t allow headphones in this bar. The blonde looks up and tells him, You don’t understand. I really, really need these headphones. The bartender once again tells her, No, you really need to take them off. The blonde sighs and removes the headphones. Several minutes later the bartender returns only to find the blonde dead. Puzzled by the blonde’s death, he puts on the headphones and hears Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.
My appointment at Gamblers Anonymous is at 25 to 1… …and she’s wearing a set of headphones. The bartender walks up to her and says, Sorry, but we don’t allow headphones in this bar. The blonde looks up and tells him, You don’t understand. I really, really need these headphones. The bartender once again tells her, No, you really need to take them off. The blonde sighs and removes the headphones. Several minutes later the bartender returns only to find the blonde dead. Puzzled by the blonde’s death, he puts on the headphones and hears Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.
The Blonde who is sick and tired of blonde jokes! A blonde woman decides that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, For best results, put on two coats.
After a long discussion with his second in command, the commander-in-chief had made his decision. He said, in a press conference, we will be sending six thousand troops and a blonde with big tits to Ukraine. There was a massive response over the following week in the media, asking why are we sending a blonde with big tits to Ukraine!? The commander looked at the Vice President and said, I told you nobody would care about us sending the troops!
A blonde , brunette, and a readhead. Are going on a road trip when they accidentally trespass into a secret military base and the punishment is viable by shooting. So they bring the readhead and make her stand against the wall . The captain exclaims . Ready ! Aim the read head than turns around and says. Tsunami! and all the soldiers fall for it and the readhead escapes. Next is the brunette. Same deal she lines up and the captain than says. Ready ! aim ! . The brunette than turns around and says . Tornado! all the soldiers fell for it and she escapes. Last is the blonde. Ready ! Aim ! just when the captain is about to finish the blonde yells . Fire ! EDIT ( grammar punctuation.)
Building a doghouse One day, a blonde walks by little Johnny’s house. Johnny is building a new doghouse for his puppy on the front lawn. The blonde walks up to Johnny and says: That’s a nice doghouse you’re building! But what is that pile of nails doing behind you? Oh, those are nails which have the pointy bit on the top side, and the head on the bottom. But I only need nails with the head on top, and the point on the bottom! , Johnny replies. Why are you throwing those away? That’s such a waste! , says the blonde. Just use those nails for the ceiling!
Joke of the day There are three blondes who are on a road trip. As they are driving through the desert, their car breaks down. They have no phone to call anyone, so they decide to walk to the nearest city, several miles away. They each decide to take one thing to make the journey better. The first blonde takes the radio and says, If we get bored, we can put the radio on and listen to music. The second blonde decides to take a wheel, In case one of us gets really tired, we can go inside the wheel and be rolled. The third blonde takes the car door, In case it gets too hot, we can roll down the window!
The Pig-Fucker Joke (NSFW) So this guy breeds exceptionally rare, prized pigs, pigs that people from across the world seek to acquire. One day, as he was sailing with a group of pigs to over-sea market, a nasty storm rolled in. His ship capsizes, and the man wakes up on the shore of a desert island with only one pig, and his trusty doberman, who was sailing with them. The man adapts, survives, etc. Fishes with a spear, makes fire, builds his own hut, purifies his own water, and feeds his four-legged friends, etc. Cast Away style and shit. After a few months the man starts to get a little *lonely.* The pig is starting to look pretty good — that soft, pink flesh, that nice, round ass… those thin, wiry, blonde hair strands. So one day he’s gazing into the eyes of his beautiful pig. He pets his pig. He then begins to grope his pig. One thing leads to another, and soon enough, the man is inside of his pig, performing smooth, insidious thrusts. In the heat of his moment, the man’s doberman starts biting at his ankle, trying to wrangle him around. AH SHIT! the man yells, kicks the dog, and begins to nurse his injury. Days later, Dog’s out on the beach digging a hole or whatever… chasing crabs and shit. The man is yet again alone with his pig and starts to feel that urge. He goes over to the pig, double-checks to see his dog preoccupied, and starts railing this pig. Sure enough, the second he looks down, there’s his fucking trusty doberman again, gnawing his leg. GAH! DAMMIT WHAT THE FUCK??? He screams, kicks some sand at the dog, and wraps up his ankle with some leaves. Next day, man sees his dog playing with a stick. Thinks, Hm… dog+stick… Takes the stick, and throws it as far as he can into the jungle. Dog bolts into the trees in pursuit of the stick. AIN’T NO DOG GONNA FIND NO STICK IN NO JUNGLE! HA! HA! HA! he says, running for his pig. He plops down on his knees behind Pig, and gets back to business. Amongst his passion, the man recognizes a burning pain in his lower leg. He detaches from his piggy fantasies to see the doberman teeth-deep into his ankle yet again, blood all over the goddamn place. OH GOD DAMMIT PISS! He dresses his wounds, and then in overwhelming frustration, the man collapses for a nap. The next day the man is staring into the horizon, when he sees a ship. He looks closer only to notice that there is a figure atop the ship, a woman. Not only is she a woman, but a *drop-dead gorgeous* woman. So Dude swims out there Baywatch style, saves the woman just as the ship sinks below the surface, and brings her back to his island. She’s completely unconscious. He finally revives her and she says to him, Oh my god thank you so much! You saved my life!! I wish there was something I could do to repay you! Oh! Anything, I’ll do anything! So, Dude thinks for a minute and says: Well… you wanna take my dog for a walk?
A dumb blonde was really tired A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to dye her hair and look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, Oh! Those sheep are so adorable! She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home? The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, 157. The farmer was amazed – she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, the farmer walked up to her and said. If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?
Two guys are working in a morgue… …when one guy comes in and says, Hey man, did you see that good looking blonde they just brought in? No, why? She’s got a shrimp sticking out of her pussy! No way. You’re fuckin’ around. No, really, come see for yourself! They walk down to storage and open her drawer, pulling back the sheet to her knees. See! The other guy spreads her legs a little to take a closer look. Man, you’re an idiot. That’s her clit! Oh, he says. It sure tastes like shrimp.
A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde driver… Are you aware of what you were doing? The officer asks. Speeding? Yes, now show me your license and registration please. The driver with a puzzled look asked What is that? The thing with your face on it. So the blonde driver looks through her purse and finds an eyeshadow palette with a mirror attached and shows it to the officer. Oh, it’s okay, you’re a police officer.
BLONDES BLOW IT Q: What’s it called when a blonde blows in another blonde’s ear? A: Data transfer.
Not your typical blonde joke Here’s the joke *Blonde girl walks in to Best Buy to buy a TV* Blonde girl: Excuse me, I would like to buy this TV Cashier: I’m sorry, we don’t allow dumb blondes to shop here *Blonde girl goes home to dye her hair* -Next day Blonde girl: Hello, I would like to buy this TV Cashier: I’m sorry, we don’t allow dumb blondes to shop here Blonde girl: How did you know I was blonde?!?! Cashier: Well, first off. That’s a toaster Done.
Blonde Race A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were all lifeguards. Each thought they were better swimmers than the others. So they decided to have a race down across the town lake. To make the race fair it was decided that everyone was to use the breaststroke. The lake was huge so it took the redhead, obviously the best swimmer, 2 hours to swim across. The brunette followed her finishing with a time of 3.5 hours. After 5 hours the blonde has not made it across. Just as the redhead and the brunette are about the get on a boat and begin searching for the blonde, she crawls onto the shore. Both the redhead and the brunette rush to her aid and try to help her up. She shoves them away and yells, ‘Get off me you cheaters! I saw you using your arms!’
A translated Norwegian joke Two guys meets in the middle of nowhere, trying to find their wives. They decide to help each other out, by describing their wives. The first man goes on: My wife is tall, well fit, blonde, got big firm breasts, thight bouncy ass, a massive lust for sex and a face of a model. How about yours ? The second man replies: She can go F**k herself, lets search for yours instead!
Yet another dumb blonde joke. A blonde walks into a department store. She walks over to an employee and says I’d like to buy that TV over there . The employer looks at her and then says Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes here . So the blonde leaves. The next day, she comes back with her hair died brunette and again asks How much for the TV over there? . Again, the employee says I’m sorry, we don’t serve blondes . Surprised, but not phased, the blonde returns home and dies her hair black. The next day, she politely asks again Can I buy that TV over there? . The clerk says I’m sorry, we don’t serve blondes here . Frustrated, the blonde exclaims Damnit, how the hell do you know I’m blonde? And the clerk replies Because that’s not a TV, that’s a microwave .
The blonde painter A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on the tin, For best results, put on two coats . et. goofyjokes.com
Two blondes and a stripper walk into a bar. The second blonde should have seen it coming. The stripper usually does.
Suicidal Blonde A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ”Shut up…you’re next!”
A time traveler walks into a bar A time traveler walks into a bar. He sits down and order a drink. The bartender sighs and slowly pours him a glass. The time traveler asks What’s the matter? The bartender says I’ve been a bartender for 30 years today. I’ve seen people come and go and I’ve heard literally every ‘person walks into a bar’ joke. Every one. ‘Blonde walks into a bar’ ‘Neil Armstrong walks into a bar’ ‘An orange haired man and a duck walk into a bar’… I just can’t be surprised anymore The time traveler ponders for a moment You couldn’t have heard all of them. New jokes are being made every day . The bartender shakes his head I’ll prove it. What do *you* do? The time traveler says I’m a time traveler. I cross the streams of times and fix paradoxes The bartender smiles and says A time traveler walks into a bar… A time… Traveler walks into a bar… You know, I’ve never heard a time traveler walks into a bar joke The time traveler replies I don’t think I did either The bartender sighs again Look, I gotta go back to my customers. Enjoy your beer The time traveler sits and thinks, he makes it his mission to brighten the poor bartender’s day with a time traveler walks into a bar joke. He sits on the stool for hours, trying to come up with something until finally an idea strikes him, the most perfect time traveler walks into a bar joke ever thought of. He looks around the bar for the poor bartender but can’t see him. He asks the man behind the counter. He said that bartender’s shift was over and he’s gone for the day. The time traveler decided to go back a few hours and cheer up the bartender with his joke. He got into his time machine, twiddled the knobs and went back in time. In front of him is a massive wasteland and untamed land. A cliff with several caves is nearby. The time traveler checks his machinery Damn. I overshot it. It’s the right date and time, but the wrong year . A neanderthal gets out of his cave and approaches the time traveler. He grunts at the time traveler You look strange. Who you? The time traveler says Me? I’m a time traveler. I was supposed to meet a friend of mine here, but… Hey, want to hear a great joke? A time traveler walks into a bar- The neanderthal holds his hands up and stops him Too soon! Too soon!
Blonde vs. Lawyer A blonde sits next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him. After several minutes of arguing with her, he says you give me $5 for every question you cant answer and i’ll give you $50 for every question i cant answer. The lawyer figured he couldnt lose and the blonde accepted. The lawyer proceeded to ask his first question, What’s the distance between the earth and the nearest star? Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5. The blonde then asked her question, What goes up a hill with four legs and comes down with three? The lawyer was searching his laptop for hours and calling everyone he knows to find the answer. Finally he gave up and handed the blonde $50. After the plane landed, he decided to ask her the answer to her question. Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5
