I like the way you think. Teacher: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left? Little Johnny: None. Teacher: Listen carefully; four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left? Little Johnny: None. Teacher: Can you explain that answer? Little Johnny: One is shot. The others fly away. There are none left. Teacher: Well, that isn’t the right answer. But I like the way you think. Little Johnny: Teacher, can I ask you a question? Teacher: Sure. Little Johnny: There are three women in the ice cream shop. One is licking, one is biting, and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married? Teacher: The one sucking the cone. Little Johnny: No. The one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think.
Little Johnny walks in on his dad. His dad has his pants down and is messing with a condom. Little Johnny asks, What are you doing, dad? His dad says, Um…ah…I’m looking for a mouse.? Johnny says, Why? Are you gonna fuck him?
Sally’s Mommy is smart (marginally NSFW) Little Sally and Little Johnny are playing in the sandbox one day. Johnny looks at Sally and for whatever reason decides he wants to play a game with Sally. So he gets her attention and suddenly pulls up his shirt. And then, pointing to each nipple, he announces I have one of THESE and I have one of THESE …and looks at Sally with a typical kid neener-neener grin. Sally thinks for a second, and pulls up her own shirt, looks down, and happily announces back to Johnny Well, I have one of THESE and I have one of THESE, too!! and she smirks with that typical kid I showed you face. So Johnny, having been equaled, decides to up the ante, and whips down his drawers, points to his wiener, and exclaims Well I have one of THESE!! . Sally, now understanding how the game is played, pulls down her pants, looks down, and is horrified to see that she does not have what Johnny has. Johnny, seeing that he has ‘won’, begins to laugh and taunt Sally no end. Sally is devastated that she is being picked on by Johnny and she runs home, crying. The next day, Sally and Johnny are again playing in the sandbox and Johnny decides it’s time to once again see if he can get Sally riled up, so he starts the game again by whipping up his shirt. I have one of THESE and I have one of THESE!! Sally follows suit, pulls up her shirt and responds Yup, I have one of THESE and I have one of THESE, too . Johnny, sensing victory is near, excitedly whips down his pants and shouts Well I have one of THESE..and YOU DON T!! And Johnny laughs and laughs. He starts similar taunting to the day before. Sally waits for Johnny, but does not cry or run away this time. When Johnny calms down a bit, only then does Sally pull down her pants and says: Well, Johnny, I have one of THESE…and my mommy says that with one of THESE, I can get as many of THOSE as I want .
jabbed her in the rear… Little April was not the best student in Sunday school(church school). Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, Tell me, April, who created the universe? When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. GOD ALMIGHTY! shouted April and the teacher said, Very good and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, Who is our Lord and Saviour, But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ‘JESUS CHRIST! shouted April and the teacher said, very good, and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child? And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR AsS! The Teacher fainted.
Little Johnny again So, Little Johnny had a reputation as the kid in the class most likely to say something inappropriate. One day, the teacher was showing the children pictures of animals and asking them to identify them. When she held up a picture of a dog, Little Johnny’s hand shot up. She thought about it for a second, decided she didn’t want to chance it, and called on Suzy. Then she got to a picture of a rooster. Once again, Little Johnny was dying to answer, and once again the teacher thought better of it, and called on Kenny. She got to the last picture, and it was a rat. Johnny’s hand was raised again, and she thought it would be safe to call on Little Johnny this time. Little Johnny, what kind of animal is this? , she asked. Little Johnny jumped out of his seat and yelled, A RAT, A RAT, A BIG FUCKING RAT, WITH GREAT BIG BALLS AND BIG FUCKING TEETH!
Little Johnny So Little Johnny’s teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says teacher, I’ll bet you$50 I can guess what color your underwear is. She replies, okay, meet me after class and we’ll settle it. But beforeclass ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the studentsclear out, Johnny makes his guess. Blue. Nope. You got it wrong, she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn’t wearing any underwear. Well come with me out to my dads car, he’s waiting for me, and I’ll get you the money. She follows him out. When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn’t wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he’d see your pussy before the end of the day!
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says… Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word? Johnny says Mas-tur-bate. Ms Hall smiles and says, Wow, little Johnny, that’s quite a mouthful. Little Johnny says, No, Miss Hall, you’re thinking of a blowjob.
Ice cream man was following little Johnny around the block one day…. The ice cream man says hey little boy I’ll give you a piece of candy if you come in my van, little Johnny replies, hey mister, give me the whole bag I’ll cum in your face.
Rhymes There is a lesson in class about rhymes. The teacher asked kids if anyone knows a rhyme already? Little Johnny lift his hand up and responded: I know it! Ok, Johnny, tell us your rhyme the teacher said. There’s a dog in the grass and you can see his ass Johnny said proudly almost singing, but the teacher angry responded: You cannot say that word in the class!! If you want to say that properly without saying the ugly word, you can say: There’s a dog in the grass and you can see his a…! and we will all know what you meant, without you saying the actual word, understand! Ok So does anyone else knows a rhyme? teacher asked. Nobody responded and teacher wanted to start the lesson, when Johnny said again: I have another one! Ok, Johnny, tell us the rhyme, but remember what I told you! Johnny said Yes, I remember! and started with the rhyme My friend is really tall but his dick is s….
nsfw. Little Johnny asked his dad what a vagina looks like. His father replied, well son before sex a vagina is the most beautiful thing you will ever see. Like an unpicked rose just about to open its petals in the morning. Little Johnny thinks about this for a bit then asks, Dad, what does a vagina look like after sex? His Dad replied – Son, you ever see a bulldog eating custard?
Strange Punishment Little Johnnie, on a day when he was being particularly reckless, was playing in the backyard one morning. Soon, some honeybees started swirling around, annoying little Johnnie. He began stomping on them in his temper. His father caught him trampling the honeybees, and after a brief moment of thought said, That’s it! No honey for you for one month! Later that afternoon, Johnnie pondered upon some butterflies, and soon started catching them and crushing them under his feet. His father again caught him, and after a brief moment of thought, said, No butter for you for one month! Early that evening, Johnnie’s mother was cooking dinner, and got jumpy when cockroaches started scurrying around the kitchen floor. She began stomping on them one by one until all the cockroaches were dead. Johnnie’s mother looked up to find Johnnie and his father standing there watching her. To which Johnnie said, Are you going to tell her, daddy, or should I?
Little Johnny’s Christmas Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said that since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cussed he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift. Two days before Christmas Johnny’s dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said, I want a goddamned teddy-bear laying right fuckin here beside me when I wake-up Christmas morning. Then when I go downstairs I want to see a motherfuckin’ train going around the goddamned tree, and when I go outside I want to see a fuckin’ pimp-ass bike leaning up against that bullshit shed you assholes call a garage! Christmas morning Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage. When he walked back in side with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, So Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year? Johnny replied, I think I got a goddamned dog but I can’t find the son of a bitch.
Little Johnny is at Toys R Us… Little Johnny is at Toys R Us looking for a new toy to buy. He finally finds a toy car he really likes and decides to buy it. He goes up to the cashier to pay for the toy car and offers fake Monopoly money. The cashier says to Little Johnny, are you dumb? this is not real money. Little Johnny responds, You’re stupid, neither is the car…
Old chemistry groaner. The teacher was giving her class an oral test. First she asked Little Susie: What’s Al2O3? Susie: Alumina! The teacher said, Correct! , then turned to Little Johnny and asked, Johnny, now, can you tell me what’s Fe2O3? Johnny: Uh … Philomena?
The Answer Is Four (Teacher Joke) Little Johnny was in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left? None, replied Johnny. The rest would fly away. Well, the answer is actually four, said the teacher. But I do like the way you’re thinking. Little Johnny quickly replies Well, I have a question for you Say you spot three women eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, the second is biting her cone and the third is sucking her cone. Which one of these women is married? Well, says the teacher nervously, I guess I’d say the one sucking the cone. No, says Little Johnny. The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married. But I like the way you’re thinking.
Future Plans! A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils` answer by reciting a short poem. The first kid sat in the first row was a teachers pet. He stood and said, My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can. The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby if I can, and I think I can. The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said, My name is Johnny, and I don’t give a darn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can… and I think can!
Little Johnny was in class one day And his teacher was going through the alphabet. Okay, kids, can you think of a word that starts with ‘A’? Little Johnny’s hand shoots straight up ASS! . The teacher says Johnny, that word does start with A, but its a bad word, and you shouldn’t say it. Ok, how about the letter ‘B’? again, Johnnys hand is the first in the air, BITCH! No, Johnny! I’m not gonna call on you anymore. So the teacher goes through most of the alphabet, ignoring Johnny and calling on everyone else. She then gets to the letter ‘R’ and can’t think of a word too terrible that starts with it, so she reluctantly calls on Johnny. RAT! yes Johnny, very goo- A BIG FUCKIN RAT! WITH A 12 COCK!
Legs in the Air Little Johnny came home from school to see the family’s pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air? His father thinking quickly said, Son, that’s so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven. Gee Dad that’s great, said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today! What do you mean? said Dad. Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, Jesus I’m coming, I’m coming If it hadn’t of been for Uncle George holding her down we’d have lost her for sure!
An Orgy! One day in class, the math teacher Mrs. Brown noticed that Little Johnny was not paying attention to what she was saying. So she called Little Johnny to recite in class. Little Johnny, answer this math question, she said. If you have 500 dollars and you gave 100 dollars to Susie and gave 100 dollars to Jeannie and gave 100 dollars to Mary Ann, what do you have ? An orgy, answered Little Johnny.
Little Johnny Strikes Again The teacher asked the class to use the word ‘fascinate’ in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating. The teacher said, That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating. Sally raised her hand. She said, My family went to see RockCity and I was fascinated. The teacher said, Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate. Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word ‘fascinate’, so she called on him. Johnny said, My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight. The teacher sat down and cried.
Obama Fans – Little Johnny A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny. The teacher asked little Johnny why he has decided to be different… again. Little Johnny said, Because I’m not an Obama fan. The teacher asked, Why aren’t you a fan of Obama? Johnny said, Because I’m a Republican. The teacher asked him why he was a Republican. Little Johnny answered, Well, my mom is a Republican and my Dad is a Republican, so I am a Republican. Annoyed by the answer, the teacher asked, If your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you? With a big smile, little Johnny replied, That would make me an Obama fan.
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, No honey for you for one month! Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. That’s it! No butter for you for one month! says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny’s mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?
A teacher asks her class A teacher asks her class, If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left? She calls on little Johnny. None, they all fly away with the first gunshot. The teacher replies, The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking. Then Little Johnny says, I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married? The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, Well I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone. The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on… but I like your thinking.
Little Johnny getting Married! Little Johnny (age 9) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. They are going to get married. His parents think this is cute, and they don’t want to make fun of Johnny so they ask Little Johnny him, How are you and Betty going to pay for the expenses of being married? He replies, Well with the $1 I get each week from you and the $1 she gets from her Mom and Dad, we should do ok. His father says That’s fine, but how will you pay the extra expenses if you and Betty have a baby? Little Johnny answers, Well, so far, we’ve been lucky…
Parents’ Occupation! The teacher in Little Johnny’s school asked the class what their parents did for a living. Mary, what does your parents do? Little Mary replied, My dad is a lawyer and my mummy is a nurse. That’s very nice, said the teacher. Robert, what do your parents do? Robert proudly exclaimed, My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher! That’s very nice, said the teacher, Johnny, what do your parents do? He stood up and pronounced, My dad’s dead and my mom’s a hooker. Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal’s office. 15 minutes later, he returned. Did you tell the principal what you said in class? asked the teacher. Little Johnny replied, Yes, he said that in our economy every job is important, gave me a chocolate and asked for my phone number.
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
Michael said: ‘Just a minute I have to go pee.’
The teacher responded by saying: ‘That would be rude and impolite’ What about you Sherman, how would you say it?’ Sherman said: ‘I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.’
‘That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners? Johnny said: ‘I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.’
The teacher fainted…
Little Johnny’s peanut Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny pulled out his pee-pee in class today! It was like a peanut. The mom replies, Oh, it was small? Little Sally says, No, it was salty.
Little Johnny goes home looking a little down at the mouth. His father asks, Anything wrong, son? Little Johnny says, A boy at school called me gay . His father says, Then I want you to go and beat him up . And Little Johnny says, But Dad, he’s so cute!
litte Johnny eating chocolate bars Little Johnny was sitting on a bench next to an old man. Little Johnny pulls out a KitKat and eats the whole thing. Then he pulls out a Snickers and eats that aswell. Then little Johnny pulls out a O’hennry and opens it up. The old man says Hold on little boy, you shouldn’t eat all those chocolate bars. Youll get sick and won’t live to be my age. Little Johnny says How old is that? The old man says 84 litlle Johnny says ‘Ya?, well my grandpa is 104!, you wanna know how he got to be that old? The old man says How? Little Johnny smiles and says by minding his own damn business
No More Shake Please… Little Johnny was in trouble again…..He was charged with the rape of a grown woman, and all though the crime seemed highly improbable, the state’s evidence was overwhelming. As a last desperate move, the defense counsel came over to the witness stand, pulled down Little Johnny’s pants, and grabbed the boy’s tiny organ for all to see. Ladies and gentlemen, the lawyer cried turning toward the jury box, surely you cannot believe that such a small still undeveloped organ is sexually mature? Growing more agitated he went on, How could this miniature member be capable even of erection, let alone the rape of a fully grown woman. WATCH IT, yelped Little Johnny. One more shake and you’ll lose the case!
Little Johnny at it again… Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye. After a few days of this happening, the teacher became very worried and asked him about it. Johnny’s answer was: Our house is very small Miss. Me, my mum and my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, ‘Johnny are you sleeping?’ Then I say ‘No’ and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye. So the teacher says to him, Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet and don’t say a word . The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and no black eye, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. The day after that, Johnny comes back with a massive black eye again. My goodness Johnny, another black eye? What happened? Johnny explains: Miss, Dad asked me again, ‘Johnny are you sleeping?…. and I shut up and kept very still. Then my dad and my mum started moving {you know} at the same time. Mum was breathing heavy and kicking her legs all over the place….. Then my dad asks me mum: ‘Are you coming?’ Then my mum says, ‘Yes I’m coming, are you coming too?’ and my dad answered ‘Yes’. They don’t usually go anywhere without me, so i said ‘Wait for me…
Grandma’s cookies One day little Johnny walked by the garage where his dad and his friends were working on cars and drinking beer. Johnny asked his dad, dad can I have a drink of your beer? His dad replied, can your dick touch your ass hole? Johnny sadly said no and went on his way. Few moments later Johnny walked by the garage again this time with cookies and milk. Dad asked, Hey can I have one of your cookies? Johnny asked his dad, Can your dick touch your ass hole? Yes dad answered. Then go fuck yourself cause grandma made me these cookies!
A visiting preacher in a small town… is driving around, looking for the town’s small church where he will do a community wide sermon. However, he can’t seem to find it. As he drove on, he noticed a little boy walking down the side of the road. The preacher pulled over and asked him, Hello son, what’s your name? I need help finding your towns church. The little boy replied, Name’s Johnny. Take a the next left, go down a block or so, drive past the school, and you’ll see the church up on the small hill, sir. Why, thank you little Johnny. the preacher replied. Reaching into the glove box, he pulled out a flyer for the sermon. Say, Johnny, why don’t you come over to the sermon at noon today? I will be helping your community look for our savior Jesus Christ. To which Johnny replied, Fat chance. You can’t even find the church. (On mobile, sorry for any mistakes)
Surprising the Cow Little Johnny lives with his mother on a farm, one day he comes running in and screams: Mommy, Mommy, the Ox is fucking the Cow . His Mother slaps him hard and says: We don’t use language like that in this house, the next time it happens, say ‘The Ox is surprising the Cow’ . Rubbing his cheek, Little Johnny walks away. A couple days go by and Little Johnny runs in again, screaming Mommy, Mommy, the Ox is surprising all the Cows! , his Mother turns around and says That’s not possible, he can’t be surprising all the cows at once Little Johnny says: Yes he can, because he’s fucking the horse!
Indefinitely A teacher asks her class if anyone could use the word ‘indefinitely’ in a sentence. Little Johnny raises his hand at the back of the class. But the teacher knows he’s a trouble maker and that he doesn’t know the answer, so she calls on Jim. Jim replies, Due to the weather, school was canceled indefinitely. Good the teacher replies. What about you Jenny? Jenny says, Since the bus broke down, transportation has been stopped indefinitely. The teacher then says that the sentence was too much like the other one, and asks if anyone can use it in a different way. So there’s Little Johnny waving his hand again. And the teacher thinks… (Maybe he really does know the answer), so she calls on him. Johnny stands up and says, As I felt my balls slap against her ass, I knew that I was in definitely!
How to put 7 holes in 1 hole? Mr. Dickson, the science teacher, asked his 4th graders one day if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole. Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers. They came back the next day and still no one knew the answer. Look, said Mr. Dickson while holding his index finger against his thumb, forming a little zero. This is one hole, my nose has 2 holes, and I can put my hand over my nose and make my nose holes appear inside this other hole. Aaaaaaahhhhhh, said the children. The next day, Little Johnny stood up and said, Mr. Dickson, my daddy wants to know if you know how to put 7 holes in 1 hole. Hmmmm, he thought, How can you put 7 holes in 1? Well, I’ll be darned; I don’t know how to do that. Um, did your father tell you how to? Yes, said Little Johnny, You take a flute and shove it up your ass!
Smart-Ass Johnny teacher asks her class, If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left? She calls on little Johnny. None, they all fly away with the first gunshot. The teacher replies, The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking. Then Little Johnny says, I have a question for YOU.There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married? The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, Well I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone. The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on… …..but I like your thinking.
School Punishments A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, What’s so funny,Pat? I just saw one of your garters! Get out of my classroom, she yells, I don’t want to see you for three days! The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, What’s so funny, Billy? I just saw both of your garters! Again, she yells, Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don’t want to see you for three weeks! Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. Where do you think you’re going? she asks. From what I just saw, my school days are over!
Little Johnny and the Big Word The teacher says, Today we are going to learn multisyllabic words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multisyllabic word? Little Johnny waves his hand, Me, teacher! Oh, me, me! The teacher smiles and says, All right, Johnny, what is your multisyllabic word? Little Johnny says, Mas-tur-bate. The teacher is taken aback, but she manages to smile and says, Wow, Johnny, that’s a mouthful. Little Johnny says, No, ma’am, you’re thinking of a blowjob. I’m talking about jerking off.
Little Johnny knows his pills. Miss Paula is going around the classroom asking if the students know what pills take for what ails them. – Little Suzie, what do you take if you have a headache? Well, miss Paula, my mommy gives me Tylenol when I have a headache. – Good answer. James, what do you take if you have allergies? If I take Allegra, I stop sneezing, so that’s what dad gives me. – Little Johnny, what do you take if you have diarrhea? Viagra. – Viagra? Why would you ever take that medicine if you have diarrhea? Because whenever my dad takes it he says … It’s gonna make my SHIT HARD!
A Lesson in Government…. A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, ”Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” ”I still don’t get it” responded the Little Johnny. ”Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. ”Okay then…good night” said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ”OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!”
Swearing Little Johnny During class little Johnny kept swearing, everything was fuck this and fuck that. Teacher, Johnny, that is not a word a ten year old should be using. Little Johnny, There are worse words than that miss, like murder and death. Teacher, No Johnny, the word you keep saying is much, much worse than murder and death. Little Johnny, I disagree miss, I bet you would rather be fucked than killed.
Little Johnny’s Father Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling. She explained, I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today. The first student raised her hand to volunteer. Marcy, the teacher said. You may go first. Marcy replied, My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny. The teacher said, Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next? Kevin stood up and announced, My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie. Very good, the teacher told Kevin. Jeff was next, and he said, My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no… Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again. Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next. Johnny said, My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell accountant.
What Roses Drink? One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage. She asked, Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, Johnny? Milk! answered Little Johnny. No, I’m sorry. That’s the wrong answer. Roses drink water, explained the teacher. Wow! Johnny exclaimed. I didn’t know the stem was that long!
Biology Class! During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class, Why is it that during childhood girls tend to grow taller than guys? Little Johnny raised his hand and replied, That’s because guys have balls and that weighs them down. The teacher, a bit annoyed, responded, Then why is it that at maturity guys tend to grow taller than girls? Little Johnny countered by saying, That’s because girls get breasts and they are heavier than the guy’s balls.
Question for the Class One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn’t have to go to school the following Monday. On the first Friday, the teacher asks, How many grains of sand are in the beach? Needless to say, no one could answer. The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, How many stars are in the sky? and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little johny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend. So Thursday night, little johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, Here’s this week’s question, little johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing. The teacher says, Okay, who’s the comedian with the black balls? Immediately, little johnny stands up and says, Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!
A long little Johnny joke… (nsfw) One day, little Johnny was at school when a little girl asked him if she could go home with him. He said no. She replied, I’ll scream bloody *mur^derrrr* (singing voice) So Johnny agrees and they go to his house. While there, Johnny says he has to eat dinner so the girl has to go home. Can I eat dinner with you? No. But I’ll scream bloody *mur^derrrr* So Johnny says, Fine and they go to eat dinner. After dinner, Johnny tells the girl that he has to go take a bath so she has to go home. Can I take a bath with you? No. I’ll scream bloody *mur^derrr* Ugh, fine. While they are in the bath, the girl asks, what’s that? Johnny replies, that’s Peter. Can I play with Peter? No. But I’ll scream bloody *mur^derrrr* Okay. So the girl plays with Peter. After the bath, Johnny tells the girl that he has to go to bed, so she has to go home. Can I go to bed with you? No. I’ll scream bloody *mur^derrrr* Fine. They are lying in the bed, and the girl asks if she can play with Peter again. Johnny says no, so the girl says, I’ll scream bloody *mur^derrr* so Johnny gives in. The girl plays with Peter, and Johnny ends up falling asleep. When Johnny wakes up the next morning, there is blood everywhere. It’s on the bed, all over the floor, and all over him and the girl. What happened? he asks. Well, Peter spit on me so I bit his head off.
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, ”Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” ”I still don’t get it” responded the Little Johnny. ”Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. ”Okay then…good night” said Little Johnny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that he had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if they were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ”OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is fucking the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!”
While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. . . Did you get that for your birthday? asked Little Johnny. Nope. replied Jimmy. Well, did you get it for Christmas then? . Again Jimmy says Nope. You didn’t steal it, did you? asks Little Johnny. No, said Jimmy. I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they were ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me. Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy’s new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents’ bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking. Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily. What do you want now? I wanna watch, Johnny replied. Without missing a stroke, his father said, Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet.
A 2nd grade teacher decides to teach sex ed… to her class. She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class, Does anyone know what this is? And little Johnny says, Yes, my dad has 2 of them! And the teacher says, Are you sure about that? And little Johnny says, Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to brush the babysitter’s teeth.
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