A middle-aged Jew goes into a confessional He sits down and the priest says Why are you here, my son? The man says Father, I’m a 53-year-old accountant, I’m short, balding, and overweight. Last night I had wild, passionate sex with a gorgeous blonde college cheerleader. The priest looks at the partition, puzzled. Chaim Goldstein? he asks. You’re Jewish – why are you telling me this? I’m telling EVERYBODY!
A magical mirror will suck in anyone who lies to it. A skinny brunette goes up to the mirror and says I think I’m fat Boom sucked in. A redhead goes up to the mirror singing a Stevie Wonder song and says I think I can sing soul music Boom sucked in. Finally the blonde goes up to the mirror and says I think— Boom and the mirror sucks her in!
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, all pregnant, are in the waiting room for the OB/GYN…. The brunette says I was on top, so I’m gonna have a boy. The redhead says I was on the bottom, so I’m gonna have a girl. The blonde bursts into tears and says, I’m gonna have puppies!
A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river… The brunette yells across, Help me get to the other side of the river! The blonde yells back, You *are* on the other side of the river!
Two blondes working on a construction site… Two blondes were working on a construction site. One of them who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, and then either toss it over her shoulder or nail it into the siding. The other blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, Why are you throwing those nails away? The first blonde explained, If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it’s pointed towards me, I throw it away ’cause it’s defective. If it’s pointed toward the house, then I nail it into the siding. The second blonde was outraged. She yelled, You moron! The nails pointed towards you aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!
Offensive jokes 1. What do you do when your dishwasher doesn’t work? Slap her 2. What’s the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne doesn’t come on your face until after it’s 13 3. Why can’t stevie wonder read? Because he’s black 4. What do you call a school bus full of black people? A rotten banana 5. How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an altar boy 6. Why did hitler kill himself? He got his gas bill 7. What did hitler give his daughter for christmas? An easy bake oven 8. How can you tell if an italian has been in your backyard? Your garbage is tipped over and your dog’s pregnant 9. What does the human race and cats have in common? Nobody likes the black ones 10. Did you hear about the chinese couple that had a baby? Yeah they named it sum ting wong 11. How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the chin 12. What’s the worst thing about eating vegetables? Putting it back in the [censored] when you’re done 13. What do 3,000,000 abused women do wrong every year? They don’t listen 14. What’s the difference between a jew and a canoe? A canoe tips 15. How can you tell if a redneck is pregnant? Her tapon is half eaten 16. What’s the nickname for a chinese person? Sleepwalker 17. Why did god give women 3 more brain cells than cows? So they don’t crap on the floor while doing the dishes 18. How do you know if a hillbilly is on her period? She’s only wearing one sock 19. How do you know if your in a jewish household? There’s a fork in the sugar bowl 20. What’s the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? It’s difficult to open the legs of an ironing board 21. What’s the difference between a jew and santa claus? Santa claus goes down the chimney 22. Why did the blonde cross the road? Never mind that, what is she doing out of the kitchen
A girl comes home from school… She tells her mother, Mommy, today we started first grade and the teacher asked us to count to 20 and I counted to 100! Is it because I’m blonde? Yes dear it’s because you’re blonde says the mother happily. The girl comes home the next day and announces, Mommy, the teacher taught us the letter C and I could say until the letter Z! Is it because I’m blonde? Yes dear, it’s because you’re blonde the mother answers proudly. Thd next day the girl comes home and exclaims, Mommy, we were changing into our clothes for gym class, and all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these! She pulls up her top revealing huge beautiful breasts. Is it because I’m blonde? No her mother says slightly embarrassed; It’s because you’re 22.
After months at sea, a sailor on leave goes off in search for… …a piece of ass. He finds a whore house in town, goes up to the counter and says, Mornin’ my good man, I’m in need of your finest pussy, gimme the best you got! You got it! replies the whore house manager. That’ll be $1000. Well I don’t have that much, give me the next best! says the sailor. No problem, that’ll be $500. I still don’t have that much. says the sailor. After realizing he left his wallet on the ship, he searches his pockets for whatever he can find. What can I get for $17.43? The manager looks at him quizzically then replies, Tell you what, you’ve been out there serving and protecting the country, as a thank you for your service I’m gonna take care of you. Go down to room 3, there’ll be a girl waiting for you. Elated, the sailor pays the man and hurries to room 3. He enters to find a dim, candle-lit room, Barry White softly playing in the background, and a thin, sexy blond in her underwear laying on the bed waiting for him. Having waited so long for this moment he wastes no time on foreplay; he pounces on her and begins to fuck away! After a few minutes of banging he comes, and realizes that there is semen coming out of every orifice of this woman–eyes, nose, ears, everywhere. He quickly gathers his belongings, thanks her and leaves. On his way out the manager asks, Everything satisfactory? Oh yeah, it was great, replies the sailor, but I think you should get her to a doctor, I think something’s wrong with her. Not to worry sir, we’ll be sure to check on her. Have a great day and come again! After the sailor leaves the manager calls out to the janitor, Hey Bill, go down to room 3, the dead one’s full again!
A scientist wants to prove that blond girls are really dumb So the scientist gathered a room full of blond grils. He asks one to come forward and asks: what is 1+1. The blond girls anwers 2, the scientist says that he has proven his statement. But al the blond girls are saying that she deserves another change. So he asks again: what is 1+1. This time the blond girls answers 3, again wrong says the scientist. But once again all the blond are saying that she deserver another chance. allright says the scientist, one more change. so what is 1+1. The girls answers 1. And all the other girls are again screaming: one more change
Better Health Plan Queen Elizabeth II was visiting one of New York’s finest hospitals and during her tour of the wards she passed a room where one of the male patients was masturbating. Oh dear said the Queen, that’s disgraceful, what is the meaning of this? The doctor leading the tour explains, I am sorry you’re Royal Highness, but this man has a very serious condition where his testicles fill up rapidly with semen. If he doesn’t do what he is doing at least 5 times per day, he could swell up and he might die Oh, I am sorry, said the Queen, I was unaware that such a medical condition existed. On the same floor they soon passed another room where a young, blonde nurse was performing oral sex on another patient. Oh my God, said the Queen, What’s happening here? The doctor replied, Same problem, better health plan.
Abracadabra A blonde, brunette, and a red are frolicking on the beach when the blonde suddenly trips over a bottle in the shape of a phallus. Blonde: What is this? What do we do with it? Red head: We’re supposed to rub it silly! So they huddle around the bottle and using both hands they all rubbed the bottle up and down ferociously. Poof! A Genie squirts out of the bottle. Genie: Thank you so much for that release. For that I shall grant you 3 wishes. You may each have 1 wish. The Genie turns to the blonde: Tell me your wish and I shall make it happen. Blonde thinks and tells the Genie: Well I’ve always wished I was smarter so my wish is to be smarter! Genie: OK, Abracadabra! And poof the blonde turns into a red head. The original red head gets mad and turns to the Genie while pointing to the new red head and tells the Genie: I wish I was smarter than her!! Genie: Alright, Abracadabra! And poof the spicy red head turns into a brunette. The original brunette is smart and sees everything that’s going down. Genie: Now tell me. What is your wish? Brunette: I wish…I wish…I wish I was smarter than all 3 of us put together! Hah! Genie: As you wish. Abracadabra! And poof! The brunette turns into a man.
At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire… …A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink. The drunk tried it and said, It’s a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable. That’s correct , said the boss. Another glass… This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results. Correct. A third glass… It’s a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive,” the drunk said calmly. The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it. It’s a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don’t get the job I’ll name the father.
Chuck the Mailman was retiring. Chuck the mailman, after 30 years on the same route, was retiring. On his last day, several customers on his route gave him gifts to celebrate his career. The Jones gave him a set of golf clubs, the Millers gave him a gift card for a nice restaurant. Finally he walked up to his last house. He was about to walk away when the door opened and he was greeted by a beautiful blonde in very revealing lingerie. Without a word she took his hand and led him up to her bedroom, and they proceeded to make passionate love unlike anything he had ever dreamed. She then left the room and returned with a large tray filled with a gourmet breakfast. Chuck was famished from their exertions and dug in. After a while he was satisfied like he had never been before, when he noticed a dollar bill tucked under the coffee cup. Finally his curiosity got the better of him and he addressed the girl. Listen, this has all been so great. Beyond my wildest dreams in every way, but I have to ask: after all this, what’s with the dollar? Well, said the blonde, last night I told my husband that Chuck the Mailman was retiring, and asked what we should give you. He said, ‘Fuck him, give him a dollar’. The breakfast was my idea.
Blonde goes to market She sees old man selling apple seeds for $5 a piece, so she asks why these seeds so expensive, to which old man replies that the seeds make you smarter if you eat them. So blonde buys 5 seeds and eats them, than thinks for a moment and says: I could have bought 5 pounds of apples for that price. Old man replies: see, you are already smarter. Blonde: OK, give me 5 more.
Three blondes discovers animal tracks in the road The first blond says these are deer tracks The second blond says you’re wrong, these are fox tracks The third blond says you’re both wrong, these are clearly wolf tracks Then while they’re arguing over what kind of tracks they are, they all get hit by a train.
3 Pregnant Women Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says, I know what I’m going to have. The other to asked how. She replied, Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy . The red head said, If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, PUPPIES, PUPPIES! .
A Blonde texts her friend A blonde texts her friend and asks what does IDK stand for? The friend replies I don’t know The blonde texts back shit, no one seems to know
I bought my wife a new puppy for Valentine’s Day! She’s such a beautiful dog! Unfortunately, I forgot my wife is allergic to dogs… so I have to find her a new home. Can anybody help me out? She’s 5’5 , 125lbs, and blonde. Free to good home.
Trump and Cruz in a bar A guy walks in, spots them, and asks the barman, ‘Hey, ain’t that Trump and Cruz sitting over there?’ The bartender says, ‘Yep, that’s them.’ So the guy walks over and says, ‘Wow, what an honor! What are you guys doing in here?’ Trump says, ‘We’re planning WW III.’ The guy says, ‘Really? Whaddaya think you’ll do?’ Trump says, ‘Well, we’re planning to kill 140 million Muslims, and a blonde with big boobs.’ The guy exclaims, ‘A blonde with big boobs? You shittin’ me? Why kill a blonde with big boobs?’ Trump turns to Cruz, and says, ‘See? I told you, no one gives a shit about 140 million Muslims.’
A blonde, brunette and redhead were smoking cigarettes one afternoon. The blonde had Camels, A blonde, brunette and redhead were smoking cigarettes one afternoon. The blonde had Camels, redhead had Marlboros, and the brunette had Kools. It began to pour down raining, so the redhead and brunette both pull out condoms and put them on their cigarettes. The blonde asks, What are you doing? and they reply, We’re saving it for later. Impressed, and in a hurry, the blonde goes to the nearest store and asks for a condom. The clerk says What size: small, medium, or large? She answers, I don’t know, one to fit a camel?
A Redhead, Brunette and a…….Blonde. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, Awwww, I wish my friends were here.
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says………… A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says, Hey, wanna hear a blond joke? The man said to the blind man, Look buddy, I’m blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler, and he’s blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke? The blind man was silent for a moment and then said, Nah, I wouldn’t want to have to explain it five times. Tweet Shar
Blonde jokes… Q: whats the difference in a blonde and a trampoline? A:you have to take your shoes off before you get on a trampoline. Q:whats the difference in a blonde and a limo? A:not everyone has been in a limo
Blonde jokes 1. Why don’t blondes like to make kool aid? They can’t fit 8 quarters of water in that little package 2. Why do blondes wear underwear? To keep their ankles warm 3. How does a blonde turn on a light after sex? She opens the car door 4. Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink? That’s where you wash vegetables 5. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back 6. What do you call a zit on a blonde’s ass? A brain tumor 7. What does a blonde do first thing in the morning? She goes home 8. Why did the blonde cross the road? Never mind that, What is she doing out of the kitchen 9. How do you get a blonde to laugh on monday? Tell her a joke on friday 10. What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling bowl? You can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball 11. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your word processor? By the white out on the screen 12. How is a dumb blonde like spaghetti? They both squirm when you eat them 13. How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? Wave 14. What do you call a circle of blondes? A dope ring 15. What do you call two blondes standing side by side? A wind tunnel 16. Why did the blonde climb the glass wall? To see what was on the other side 17. What’s the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? They both stop sucking when you slap them 18. Why was the blonde happy when she finished the puzzle in a week? The box said 3-5 years 19. What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted 20. What’s the difference between a smart blonde and a ufo? People have seen ufos 21. Why did the blonde lose her job at the M&M factory? She kept throwing out the W’s 22. Why do blondes smile during lightning storms? Because they think they’re picture’s being taken 23. Why did the blonde drive into the wall at mcdonalds? The sign said Drive thru 24. Why didn’t the blonde dial 911? She couldn’t find 11 on the phone 25. What does a blonde see in a box of cherrios? Donut seeds 26. What does a blonde and the bermuda triangle have in common? They both swallowed a lot of semen 27. What is a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme? Hump me dump me 28. Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them 29. Why don’t blondes eat pickles? They couldn’t fit their head in that little jar 30. What does a blonde say after sex? Thanks guys
I was on the boardwalk the other day when I saw a crying girl… She was in a wheelchair, had no legs, and only one arm. I asked her what was wrong. Today is my 20th birthday and I never once was kissed by a man! So, I leaned in, and tenderly kissed her on her lips. She was overjoyed, with tears of happiness in her eyes. She then looked deeply into my eyes and spoke to me softly. Well I’m 20 years old and well, I’ve never been fucked… I smiled at her and caressed her beautiful blonde hair. My hands ran down her sides as I moved my fingers to undo the buckle for the wheelchair. Then I tossed her and the wheelchair over the railing into the bay. You’ve just been fucked my dear!
a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who reach the floor first? The brunette, the Blonde stop it midway to ask for directions.
Blind man enters bar. He sits at the counter, and orders a drink. After loafing for a while, he says to the bartender: Hey, want to hear a blonde joke? The atmosphere suddenly becomes tense, and silence falls around him. Suddenly, a deep feminine voice towers over to him: I bench press 800 pounds at the gym every day. My girlfriend here has a black belt in judo, karate, and sumo. The bartender here isn’t too slow himself, and he’s trying to serve up four full tables. And you know what, buddy? We’re all blondes here. Now think about it … Do you really want to finish that joke? The blind guy shakes his head and says, What do I look like? r/Jokes? *edit:* Suddenly the crowd gets rowdy, and begins going after the blind man. The blind man just sits and laughs. Try your best! You don’t think I know what a self-post is!? Try as they might, their blows suffer no ill-effect upon the blind man.
A blind man logs into reddit and find his way to the subreddit Jokes A blind man logs into reddit and find his way to the subreddit Jokes . After browsing a bit, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy posts, Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke? Reddit immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep, font, the blonde woman in the opposite side of the world replies, Before you tell that joke, know we have seen it. It was on reddit yesterday and the day before that. The woman on the other other side of the world is a blonde and a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna post that blonde joke? The blind guy says, I’ll just post it another five times.
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th Grade. Which one is the sexiest? HAA HAA HAA…………… The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke? The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says, Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke? The blind guy says, Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.
Cleanin’ his boat A man walks into a bar and sits down with a big ol’ grin on his face. Bartender asks, You look happy Bob, watcha’ been doin’? Well I was out cleanin’ my boat Jim, and this real hot brunette walks up. I ask her if she wants to come for a ride in my boat and she says yes. Well Jim, I took her out and I took her way out. Stopped the boat in the middle of the lake and gave her two options; fuck me or swim. She couldn’t swim Jim, she couldn’t swim. Next day man comes into the bar and sits down with a big ol’ grin on his face. Bartender asks, You look happy Bob, watcha’ been doin’? Well I was out cleanin’ my boat Jim, and this real hot blonde walks up. I ask her if she wants to come for a ride in my boat and she says yes. Well Jim, I took her out and I took her way out. Stopped the boat in the middle of the lake and gave her two options; fuck me or swim. She couldn’t swim Jim, she couldn’t swim. Next day he comes into the bar and sits down with a big ol’ frown on his face. Bartender asks, You look sad Bob, what’s the matter? Well I was out cleanin’ my boat Jim, and this real hot redhead walks up. I ask her if she wants to come for a ride in my boat and she says yes. Well Jim, I took her out and I took her way out. Stopped the boat in the middle of the lake and gave her two options; fuck me or swim. She pulled down her pants and showed me her 12 inch long dick Jim. And Jim, I can’t swim!
A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks the blonde if she wants to play a game, All you have to do is ask a question and if i get it wrong or don’t know it i give you five dollars, then i ask you a question and if you get it wrong you pay me five dollars. No, she says, I just want to sleep. He keeps asking and she finally gives in when he says if he gets it wrong he will pay her five hundred dollars, but she still only has to pay five dollars. What is the distance from the earth to the moon? he asks. She gives him 5 dollars. What goes up the hill with four legs and comes down with five? she asks. He pulls out his laptop and searches it, but finds nothing. Then he emails his friends. After an hour, he still hasn’t got an answer, he hands her 500 dollars. Then he asks her, So what is the answer? She hands him 5 dollars.
A blonde walked up to a restaurant and upon seeing that the sign said Open , she walked in. She ordered a full course meal and was very happy. She stood up to leave but stood at the door for 10 minutes, checking her watch frequently. A waiter walked up to her. Waiter: Hello ma’am. Are you waiting for somebody today? Blonde: No, not particularly. Waiter: Then why are you standing by the door? Blonde: The door says closed. I’m waiting for it to open.
I held the door … open for a gorgeous blonde at the bar last night. My wife said, You’ve never held the door open for me. I said, What about that time you threatened to leave?
A Blonde a Brunette and a Redhead walk into a bar The Barman says Sorry Ladies, it’s a Guy only night The three women are irate and start to argue with the man The Barman says Alright yall can stay and have free drinks if you give all the men here a blowjob The Brunette goes home in disgust The Redhead slaps him and walks out pissed. The Blonde looks around at the thirty men in the room and says I’ve already earned free drinks for a month
A blonde runs home from school…. A blonde runs home from school and screams MUMMY MUMMY, WE DID THE ALPHABET TODAY, EVERYONE COULD ONLY GO UP TO D, AND I COULD GO TO G. 1,B,C,D,E,F,G. IS IT BECAUSE I’M BLONDE MUMMY? IS IT? IS IT? Her mother says Yes sweetie it is. The next day, she runs home from school and screams MUMMY MUMMY, WE DID NUMBERS AT SCHOOL, EVERYONE COULD ONLY GO TO 4 BUT I COULD GO TO 6. A,2,3,4,5,6. IS IT BECAUSE I’M BLONDE MUMMY? IS IT? IS IT? Her mother says Yes sweetie it is. The next day, the blonde runs home from school and says MUMMY MUMMY, IN PE ALL THE OTHER GIRLS HAD FLAT CHESTS BUT I HAD THESE. and then takes of her shirt, revealing a pair of 38C breasts. IS IT BECAUSE I’M BLONDE MUMMY? IS IT? IS IT? the blonde continues. No dear, says her mother, it’s because you’re 25.
First Class Blonde A direct flight from New York to San Francisco was getting ready for departure and loading the passengers when a stunning 20-something blonde boards the plane. She wordlessly bypasses the flight attendant waiting near the door and heads straight to first class. The flight attendant catches a glimpse of the ticket as she passes by and notices that it is in fact an economy ticket. Excuse me The flight attendant says. That’s an economy ticket, so I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to find your seat in the back. Our first class cabin is reserved for folks who have paid the first class fare in full. The blonde woman turns around and fires back I’m a young beautiful blonde. There are empty seats, no one sitting up here will be disappointed to have me nearby, so what are you gonna do about it? If the seat is empty, is this really worth the argument? The flight attendant is flabbergasted and can barely respond let alone stop the woman from taking a first class seat. Still, she knew that it would be wrong to let this woman sit with passengers who paid considerably more for the tickets. She decides to seek help from the cockpit, and explains the situation to the captain and the co-pilot. The co-pilot, upset by the nerve of the blonde volunteers to handle it, and goes back to the woman who was now enjoying champagne in her stolen seat and explains: Miss, that’s an economy ticket, so I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to find your seat in the back. Our first class cabin is reserved for folks who have paid the first class fare in full. The blonde gives the same response as she did to the flight attendant, and her nerve shakes the co-pilot. Dumbfounded, a little smitten by her beauty, and unable to respond, he returns to the captain and the flight attendant to report the situation. The captain, looks back at the woman and turns to the co-pilot and flight attendant saying, No worries guys. My wife’s a blonde, I can handle this. The flight attendant and co-pilot watch from the cockpit as the captain casually saunters up to the blonde, leans over and whispers something to her. The blonde looks stunned, collects her things, downs the champagne and scurries sheepishly back into the economy cabin. The captain cooly returns to the cockpit and takes his seat again. The co-pilot asks the captain: Sir, what did you say to convince her to go back? The captain chuckles and responds, It was easy. I just told her first class doesn’t go all the way to San Francisco.
A ventriloquist is on stage telling a blonde joke …. everyone is laughing hysterically until A blonde comes storming up on stage and starts yelling Hey Jerk, not all blondes are dumb, I should know. You should stop NOW with these cheap jokes! The ventriloquist says OK, OK, I’m sorry! I won’t do it again.. The blonde interrupts him and says You shut up! and stay out of this, I’m talking to the Jerk on your knee!!
Heading to Vegas A man comes home to find his blonde wife of 15 years packing her suitcase. Where do you think you’re going? exclaims the surprised husband. I am booked on the next flight out to Las Vegas! I found out that there are thousands of good looking men who will gladly pay me $500 for what I give you for free! The man was taken aback but stood there considering his response for a moment, and then without a word got out his clothes to pack in his suitcase, whistling a happy tune. And just what do you think you’re doing? she asked. Sweetheart, I’ve decided that I’m going to go to Las Vegas with you… Because, I have GOT to see how you’re going to live on only $6,000 a year!
Knock knock Knock knock Who’s there A blond Blond who I’m just blond, does this seem like a joke? No, you’re the joke :3
An electrical engineer is talking to a blonde the blonde asks: What do you do for a living? The engineer replies I make chips Oh yummy!
Fred: I can’t believe Ben is in the hospital. Just yesterday, I saw him with a gorgeous blonde. Bob: So did his wife.
How can tell when a blonde has been using a vibrator? How can you tell when a blonde has been using a vibrator? Her teeth are chipped
Blondes What is a blondes favourite nursery rhyme? Humpme Dumpme.
BLIND, BLOND & BALLSY A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says, Hey, wanna hear a blond joke? The man said to the blind man, Look buddy, I’m blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler, and he’s blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke? The blind man was silent for a moment and then said, Nah, I wouldn’t want to have to explain it five times. !!!
I was walking down the Street I was walking down the Street minding my own business the other day when someone screamed at me and Shouted Oi, Ginger Paedophile! I was so disturbed and hurt, I couldn’t believe someone had called me such a vile and disgusting word! I’m clearly Strawberry blonde!
The Art of the Deal A middle-aged frumpy couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde. I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $75,000 asking price, said the man. Yet I just heard you close the deal for $65,000 to the lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model. Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash and, just look at her, how could I resist? replied the grinning salesman. Just then the young woman approached the middle-aged couple and gave them the keys. There you go, she said. I told you I would get the dope to reduce it. See you later, Dad. Never mess with the old ones!
A blonde, brunette and a redhead… …have a breaststroke race across the English Channel. The brunette comes in first, the redhead comes in second, and the blonde never finishes. In the lifeboat, the blonde says, I don’t want to be a tattletale, but the other two used their arms.
A pair of golfers in a convertible pull into a full service gas station. A blonde attendant fills up the tank then approaches the driver for payment. As he reaches into his pocket for some cash he also produces a couple of tees. The blonde asks, What are those? The driver says, They’re tees. They hold your balls while you’re driving. Astonished, the blonde says, Jeeze, you convertible owners have everything!
A group of blondes walk into a bar… A group of blondes walk into a bar and order a round of beers. They laugh and congratulate one another and finish their drinks. One blonde says to the bar tender Another round, on me! The bartender gets them another round of drinks and they continue to be lively and cheery and before long, finish their drinks. Another blonde says Bartender, another round please! . The bartender walks over and says I’ll get you another round of drinks, but you have to tell me what you’re celebrating. The blonde says Well, we just finished competing a puzzle. A puzzle? Says the bartender, How long did it take you? The blonde replies Six months . Six months! Exclaimes the bartender, That’s a long time for one puzzle. The blonde says. That’s not long at all, on the box it says three to four years!
