A dog with pawlitical experience.What do you call a dog who got re-elected for mayor?
The mother yells take your finger out of the dogs butt kyle!The dog yells bark
Trade cute Doberman Dog for orthopedic hand.Ad in the classifieds:
A man comes hurrying into a vet office, carrying his dog in his arms. Help me! he shouts. The vet comes out of his office, and looks at the dog in the man’s arms. Give him to me said the vet, I’ll do some tests on him. Do them all the man says. He put tAt the vet’s
The vendor makes the hot dog and hands it to the Buddhist monk, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. Excuse me, but where’s my change? asks the Buddhist monk. The vendor replied, Change must come from within.A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says make me one with everything …
A man is taking his dog for a walk through a graveyard early one morning when he sees an elderly man crouched by a gravestone. Not wishing to appear rude the dog-walker greets the elderly man with a cheery: Morning! The elderly man replies: Oh no, jusA man is taking his dog for a walk through a graveyard early one morning.
Mrs jones took her poodle, ‘Titswobble’, for a walk and lost him. Finally she reported her dog missing to the police. Have you seen my Titswobble? No said the sergeant. But id like tooMrs jones
and asks the owner for a pet that can do everything. The owner thinks about it and says, How about a dog? The woman replies, No, I had a dog before. He was great but all he did was eat, sleep, and play fetch. want a pet that can do everything!A woman goes into the local pet shop
The hot dogs taste like shitHow do you know you’re at a gay barbecue
A blind guy with a guide dog walks into a bar. Suddenly, he yanks on the dog’s leash, swings it above his head, and smashes tables and chairs with the poor yelping animal while the patrons flee in fear. After he’s wrecked the place and stopped swiBlind Guy Walks Into a Bar
Can I reserve a table for two? Sure just give me a name. Semerkhet. Would you spell it for me? Bird, double triangle, wavy line, another bird, dog head, sun, scarab…A pharaoh makes a reservation in a restaurant:
The vet examines him, looks in his eyes, ears, mouth. he picks up the dog and checks his legs and belly. finally, the vet says i’m gonna have to put him down because he’s cross-eyed? asks the man no, because he’s really heavy.a man takes his crossed-eyed bull dog to the vet..
A man walking down the street sees another man with a very big dog. One man says to the other, Does your dog bite , the man replies No my dog doesn’t . The man pats the dog and has his hand bitten off, I thought you said your dog didn’t bite said the iMy dog doesn’t bite
His dog died.Why did the boy eat his homework?
Usually, anyone who owns a dog calls him Rover or Spotor some such name. I called mine Sex and it got me into constant trouble. One day when he was young, I took Sex for a walk and he slipped out of his collar and ran away. I spent hours looking for him.Dog called sex
In California there was a boy named Tim. He had an average life with few unusual issues. 16 years pass and he decides to ask his parents for a pet on his upcoming birthday. So for his birthday his parents get him an adopted dog almost as old as Tim. So TimTlfu by trying to help my dog.
and we were talking about his dogs, I was making uncle tom-Esq. Korean dog eating jokes and he makes the point to tell me that his dogs were family. if anyone tried to hurt his 3 dogs he would shoot them. I asked him if he named them Breakfast, Lunch,So I was talking to my gym teacher….
Two men, tom and bob were walking their dogs when they smell a delicious scent. You smell that? tom asked. Bob replied, the heck I do, let’s find where it’s coming from! . After 5 minutes of searching, the scent led them to a restaurant. Tom said let’stwo men were walking thier dogs…
A man is shipwrecked on an island. The man starts trying to get food, water, and all that good stuff but then he starts to get horny. He later finds this dog. He brings the dog down to the shore every night and they watch the sun go down. Every night he trA man is stranded on an island
Son: nice try, a chair! Dad: Nope. Our dog just died.The dad asks his son: What has four legs and isn’t alive?
Her parents invite him for dinner at their home. They all sit down at the table, while the dog lies down under it, and they start eating. At some point, the dude feels like he really needs to fart. He tries to suppress the awkward feeling, but he can’t aA girl introduces her new boyfriend to her family
He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog !Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?
…you can tell time accurately to within 20 seconds based on when your dog has to crapYou know you’re a redneck if….
A woman recently lost her dog and had put flyers up around town to call her if you have seen the dog. One day the woman gets a call from a man who says Hey I got good news and bad news about your dog, what would you like to hear first? The woman is confGood news and bad news
Deep enough for a man to lose his house, car, his dog and half his assetsHow deep is the average vagina
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry housDog and Cat Thinking……!!!
And along the way they see two dogs humping. The child asks his mom what are those two dogs doing? His mom isn’t sure how to answer and says they’re making sandwiches. A short while later they see two cats humping. The child once again asks what they'(NSFW) A mother and her son are walking through the park….
A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk. What are they doing, Grandma? asked the little girl. The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said, The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one undA little girl was out with her…
I had a dog named Sham, while i was walking it, Sham wanted to take a dumb, so i released the leash and waited, after he came back, somebody shouted Who’s shit is that? so i told him That is Sham pooThe invention of Shampoo
the dog were chasing the cat but both of them walked.It was so hot today…
Two dogs are in the vet office, waiting to be seen. The first dog turns to the one to his left and asks, what are you in for? The other dog looks at him sadly and says, our neighbors got a really smoking hot poodle, so I jumped the fence and did her riTwo Dogs Are In The Vet
Apparently the dog died two days ago.I can’t find the thing that I fuck every day, so I asked the kids….
FULL DISCLOSURE: This is a shaggy dog story… An old hermit has been living alone in the wilderness for many, many years. He decides that it is finally time to rejoin society. He sees in the local paper that the circus is coming to a nearby town and deciA hermit, a clown, and a witty comeback…
A three legged dog walks into a bar. It say’s I’m looking for the guy who shot my paw.Yo Dog!
A man is walking down the street when he steps on a landmine. His leg is blown clean off as well as some distance down the street. As he looks up he sees a stray dog grab his leg and begin carrying it down the street. This infuriates the man so, in a stateLandmine Joke
One night, a man was sitting on his front porch when his dog brought the corpse of Fluffy, the neighbor’s rabbit, to his doorstep. Horrified, the man took the rabbit inside. The man did not particularly care for the neighbors, but he could not bear the thoThe Neighbor’s Rabbit
**Duct tape it to your dog for the day….or just play fetch with your phone.** There must be tons of these ideas….was thinking of putting it in a pocket of something at laundrymat…or like a toy train with a track that goes in a circle. You guys gotHow to hatch eggs easy in Pok mon GO without walking or driving slow….
Another guy, walking the other way, noticed something about the dog. Hey, your dog has no nose! The guys says. I know. Replies the other man. So then how does he smell? TERRIBLE!A man is walking his dog
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said,The Lawyer’s dog
Gangs are now using dogs instead of knives, I tried this. My toast was very hairyA recent report shows that
sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare. So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can’t speak English and have no frigging clue who their Daddies are. They expect me tThis morning I went to
On the first day, God created the dog and said, Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years. The dog said, That’s a long time to be barking. How about only tenThe meaning of life….
I smashed up my majors and tore down my generals. The dog ate my lieutenants and I lost the colonel. The sergeants were lost in uncle John’s hay so now I’m stuck playing with my privates all day.So my mom got me a box of tin soldiers…
Republicans treat people like dogs and Democrats treat dogs like peopleThe problem with politics today…
There were two hearses, followed by a man walking a dog, followed by hundreds of men. I take a break from work and say to the man walking the dog excuse me sir, I don’t mean to be rude but do you mind telling me what happened? The man replies: A couplYesterday while working I saw a gigantic funeral precession…
I gotta jerk off the dog to feed the catI’m so broke…
At the head was the casket, behind was a man walking a very large dog and behind him were 300 people. Tom walks over to the guy with the dog and asks, Who’s funeral is this? The man answers, My mother-in-law’s. Tom wishes his condolences and asks,Tom was walking down the street when he sees a funeral procession.
The owner runs in and says WHAT THE FUCK GET IN YOUR CAGE The dog then takes a piss in the owners mouth The owner swallows and says mmmm that’s good. The owner then gets on all fours and starts eating the dogs shit and he says YES I LOVE IT ThenA dog takes a poop on the carpet
A blind man walks in to a department store with his seeing eye dog on a leash. As usual the store manager behind the customer service counter looks up, but he notices the customer is blind, and not wanting to stare quickly looks away again. Out of the cA blind man walks in to a department store
The hot dogs taste like shit.How do you know when you’re at a gay picnic?
