a chicken walks into a bar A chicken walks into a bar and sits down. As the bartender approaches the chicken, he can see that the chicken’s eyes are bloodshot and that the chicken seems to have a nervous shake. The bartender asks the chicken if he’s alright, and the chicken says he’s fine. So the bartender asks the chicken what he would like to drink and the chicken nervously asks for a shot of Jameson, with a slight stutter. The bartender pours the shot and the chicken immediately downs it, and less nervously asks for another. The bartender pours another shot, the chicken downs it just as quickly, and asks for a third without any hesitation. The bartender gives him a bit of a concerned look, but pours him another, telling him that he needs to slow it down. The chicken does the shot, and says to the bartender listen man, if you had a day like mine, you would be just as desperate to wash away all of these tortured memories. I have seen generations of families die at the hands of killers who feel that they are doing nothing wrong, I live in my own filth, and while all of this happens I am forced to watch the genocide of many different types of animals while this sick family holds me captive. . The bartender at this point has tears in his eyes, and tells the chicken that he’s sorry as he pours a complimentary double shot of Jameson. The chicken pounds it down, and says thanks. The bartender then asks the chicken say, what part of town are you from? The chicken answers, ohh, just the other side of the road .
One from the pub tonight…. And Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Paddy Irishman are on a roofing job together…. And the Englishman goes: Fuck me, my wife keeps making me these roast chicken sandwiches for lunch. I swear lads, if I get this shite again tomorrow, I’m jumping off this fucking roof! The Scotsman goes: Fouck meh, laddiehs, my foucking wife keeps mehking me thes roost beef sandwheches. If I get ’em egen, I’m jumping’off this fouking ruf! The Paddy Irishman goes: Fck meh, I get this ham sanwich, like. If I get’em egen, I’ll joihn in, like! So, the next day comes along. The same sandwiches again. They all jump to their death. So, the funeral’s on. The Englishwoman’s in tears: Why didn’t I switch the sandwiches up! The Scotswoman’s in tears with the same complaint. But the Paddy Irishwoman’s *fuming.* When everyone asks her why at the funeral, she replies: ‘cos dhat fcking dopeh coont fixed ‘ees owhn sandwiches, like!
Cross breading. What comes out when you mix a male snake, and a female Porcupine? Barbed wire. What comes out when you cross a female chicken and a male pig? Eggs and ham. What comes out when u cross a male donkey and a female bunny? The bunnies eyes!
A wizard and a vampire walk in to a bar The Wizard says, Let me buy you a drink old friend, The Vampire says, One chicken please!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Husband: Honey, do you know why the chicken crossed over? Wife: No, why? Husband: Because it was from your side!
Why does a chicken coop always have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
The Chicken or The Egg A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette. The egg rolls over in satisfaction and says, Well, I guess we answered that question.
A chicken and an egg just had sex and lay in bed… The chicken lay with one of its hands under its head, with a very satisfied smile on its face, was blowing rings of cigarette smoke. The egg, on the other hand, looked pissed off and had turned to a side, facing away from the chicken. The egg, as he pulled the blanket to his shoulder, said with a cold sigh- At least we answered the question.
Booster the Rooster A friend lived in Tennessee for a couple of years back, and this is what he came back with. There was a man who was a sucessful car salesman for over 15 years. He decided he was going to retire and buy a farm. So he buys a farm way out in the country, he gets cows, chickens, goats, and even dogs. A few months pass and no chickens are laying any eggs, so the man is very upset. He heads to town to the local feed store and asks the man what he can do to make the chickens lay eggs. The man says I can’t help you but go down the road and this place can help you and hands him their card. So the man goes down the road, walks in and tells the man his problem. The man says I have just what you’re looking for. The man goes to the back and brings out Booster the Rooster, and says that will be $1500 dollars. The farmer is beyond shocked and says that it’s a ripoff. The man guarantees that it will cure his problem. So the man buys Booster the Rooster and heads home. He gets to his farm and lets Booster out, and zoom! Booster lines up all the chickens on the yard like a drill instructor, ordered by weight and color, and starts fucking all the chickens one by one, hitting them straight down the line like clockwork. The farmer is beyond amazed and says Booster! Calm down, your’re gonna fuck yourself to death! The next morning the man looks outside and there are eggs EVERYWHERE. He runs inside, grabs the wife and kids, and they all scoop up eggs. He then looks over and sees Booster ordering all the cows by weight and color, then going down the line fucking all the cows. The man yells God damn Booster, your going to fuck yourself to death! After that the man calls it a night. He comes out the next day and there are eggs everywhere again. He gets his wife and kids out to pick them up again. He looks around and sees the chickens and the cows just laying there, tongues all hanging out and stunned. He looks around for Booster and sure enough, Booster is fucking the dog. The man says God damn Booster, you are going to fuck yourself to death! The man calls it a night and goes inside. He comes out the next morning and there is a huge hole in the fence, and all the animals are gone. The man is beyond pissed, and sets out looking for the animals. Can’t find his livestock, can’t find his chickens, can’t find his dog. Can’t find Booster either. A few days pass by, but still nothing. One morning he sees buzzards circling something. He walks to where he think they’re circling and finds Booster laying there with his tongue hanging out, looking dazed and almost dead. The farmer says See Booster! See! I told you, you were going to fuck yourself to death! All of a sudden Booster perks his head up and says SSSHHHHH, they’re about to land!
Jack and His Jewel-Studded Jock(a story concocted by me and friends in high school long ago-NSFW) This is the story of Jack and his Jewel-Studded Jock. Jack went to see the Queen one day and the guard yelled Halt, who goes there?! Jack said It is I. I’ve come to see the Queen. The guard said You can’t see the Queen. She’s in bed with syphilis. Jack said Is that Greek bastard still here? So, a thousand and one strides later Jack arrives in the Queen’s chambers. Jack said Roll over, bitch. The Queen said I’ll be fucked if I do. Jack said You’ll be cornholed if you don’t. The Queen said But what of the children? Jack said Fuck the children. The Queen said You’d fuck a child?! Jack said I’d fuck a chicken. The Queen claimed You fowl fucker. And the Queen was displeased with this, so she had Jack thrown to the lions…but Jack being the smart fucker he was, he grabbed the left nut of the right lion and the right nut of the left lion and crashed them together causing a great rupture. And the King heard of this and the King was pleased. So he called for Jack to come fourth, but Jack being the slow fucker he was came fifth and the shit flew at random…but Random being the fast fucker he was ducked and the shit hit the King in the eye and the King cried OOOOOOHHH shit and a thousand and one peasants squatted. The moral of the story is: King’s word is law.
The old man and little boy… One day an old man was sitting on his porch and sees a young boy walking by holding a spool of chicken wire. The old man calls out to the boy and asks, What do you have there boy? The boy says, I got me some chicken wire, I’m going to catch me some chickens! I don’t think it works that way, son. said the old man and the boy continued on. Sure enough a few hours later the boy walks by with a bunch of chickens attached to the chicken wire. The old man finds this quite baffling, but lets the boy continue on. The next day the old man sees the boy walking by again carrying a roll of duct tape. What do you have there boy? asked the old man. I got me some duct tape, I am going to go catch me some ducks. Replied the boy. I don’t think it works that way. said the old man. The boy continued on and sure enough he walks by a few hours later with a bunch of ducks attached to his roll of duct tape and once again the old man is baffled by this. The next day the boy walks by again with a long rod and fuzzy thing at the end. What do you have there boy? asked the old man. I got me a pussy willow. replied the boy. The old man looks at the boy and says, Wait right there, let me go get my hat.
What do you call a chicken coop with four doors? A chicken sedan
Mole family and farmer Davis There was a mole family on a farm, they had a mole hole. The farm belonged to Farmer Davis. One day Farmer Davis decided to cook some chicken, so he starts a cookin. Papa mole could smell some chicken and thought it smelled so good, so he scurried on up the mole hole and say at the entrance and whiffed! It’s so good he exclaimed. He called his wife , Mama mole to come smell it too. She then scurried up the mole hole next to papa mole and smelled the chicken. It IS so good said mama mole. Papa mole then called to their child, baby mole to come and smell the chicken. Baby mole made his way over to the hole but couldn’t get up to the entrance since mama and papa mole were blocking the way. He was scampering around trying to smell the chicken and getting frustrated, finally papa mole called down asking can you smell the chicken? . Baby mole then replied in a heat No, all I can smell is Molasses!
Cow Jokes What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean Beef. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef. Two cows are grazing in the field. One cow says to the other, Hey Dorris, you worried about this Mad-Cow Disease epidemic? The other cow turns and says, Why would I be? I’m a chicken. What do you call a fat cow with a terrible personality? My ex girlfriend. What is the proper term for a pregnant cow? Also my ex girlfriend. Whoaa Nellie, that escowlated quickly. Growing up in rural Texas, we had to find ways of entertain ourselves as kids. We used to sneak into local shops and businesses after hours and rearrange things, or play games with the merchandise. One night, we broke into the town butchery. After several minutes of throwing knives at the wall, my attention turned to the ceiling. There, right above our heads, hung the freshly butchered carcass of a full grown cow. My buddy nudged me in the side and said, Hey, I betchya two dolla’ that you can’t rip off one of them cow legs. I shook my head and said, I’m sorry, Rick, but the steaks are too high. Another time, we all went out cow tipping. We dressed up in black, and made our way to farmer Dalton’s ranch. I went first to do the tipping. After hopping the fence, I snuck up real quiet to the first bull (a big fella’, mind you)… took my hands out of my pocket… and tossed fifty cents into the jar labeled GRATUITIES ACCEPTED that lay on the ground next to him.
The chicken and the egg were lying in bed after having sex… The chicken sighed happily, fluffed the pillows, and lit up a cigarette. The egg frowned and then rolled over in bed. Well I guess that answers *that* question. he muttered.
The farmer and the old lady A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry all of these purchases home. While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, ‘Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?’ The farmer said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.’ The old lady suggested, ‘Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?’ ‘Why thank you very much,’ he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says ‘Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.. The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, ‘I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me… How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?’ The farmer said, ‘Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?’ The old lady replied, ‘Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.
A Horse and a Chicken The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking..! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, I think I can stand over the hole..! So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, Grab for my ‘thingy’ and pull yourself up. And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety. The moral of the story – If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
A man comes to a town market to buy a chicken, rooster and a donkey He walks up to a man selling donkeys and says I’d like to buy a donkey and he replies Sure but here we call it a ass. So he buys his donkey and goes to a man selling chickens. And says I’d like to buy a chicken and he replies Sure but here we call them pullets. So he goes with his ass and puller to a man selling roosters and says I’d like to buy a rooster and he replies Sure but here we call it a cock. So the man is headed home and his donkey stops walking and doesn’t want to budge. So he asks a man walking down the street Can you hold my cock and pullet while I slap my ass?
Two Chickens walk into a library… …and walk up to the desk, where they say Buk Buk Buk! So the Librarian gives them three books. A while later the Chickens come back, looking slightly frustrated. They go to the desk and say Buk Buk Buk Buk Buk! The Librarian gives them five books. Again, the Chickens come back and ask for seven books. The Librarian, now quite confused, follows the Chickens as they leave with their books. They arrive at a park, where she sees the Chickens throwing the books at a frog, who says Reddit, Reddit, Reddit.
So a guy goes to a whorehouse So a guy walks into a whorehouse and he tells the Madam that he’d like to get laid. How much money you fixn’ to spend? asks the Madam. I got five bucks, says the rube. The Madam snorts and says Well, five bucks’ll only get you old Bertha. She’s 62, fat and ain’t got no teeth, but she’ll fuck ya. Go up to room 305. So the guy lays down his money and goes upstairs to find his toothless date. A while later he comes down smiling, and gives the Madam a wink and a thumbs-up. A week later the guy comes back to the whorehouse and tells the Madam he wants to get laid again, and the Madam again asks him how much he’s going to spend. I only got a buck, he says. Well, for a buck you can go up to 208. There’s a chicken in there, and if you can catch it you can fuck it. So the guy lays down his money and goes upstairs to 208. A while later he comes down smiling and again winks at the Madam and gives her a big thumbs-up, even though he’s sweating, gasping for air, and covered in chicken feathers. So a week later the rube comes back again, but this time he’s only got 50 cents. The Madam shakes her head and says Fine, go up to 210 and wait there. The rube goes upstairs and enters 210 only to find a room full of guys and a few empty chairs, all facing curtains at one end of the room and a sign that says Sex Show. He sits down and waits for the curtains to open. After a few minutes he leans over to the guy next to him and asks, So, what’s the show about? I don’t know, replies the other guy, but last week it was some guy fucking a chicken.
Wife has hearing problems A old man thinks his wife is losing her hearing. He calls the doctor about it and the doctor says he can do a little experiment to determine the severity, Ask her a question from the next room in a normal tone of voice, and keep asking while coming closer until she can hear you. That way you know the range of her hearing. That night, he’s sitting on his easy chair in the living room while his wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner. He estimates he’s about 30 feet away. In a normal tone of voice, he says, What’s for dinner? She doesn’t respond, so he gets up and walks to the kitchen doorway, about 20 feet away, and asks, What’s for dinner? She still doesn’t respond so he walks 10 feet closer and asks, What’s for dinner? She still doesn’t say anything, so he gets right up beside her and asks, What’s for dinner? She says, For the fourth damn time we’re having chicken!
A guy calls his local butchery… – Do you have chicken paws? – Yes – Do you have chicken wings? – Yes, I do – Do you have pig’s head? – Sure – You must look really funny then
Do you know the difference between erotic and perverted? An erotic person will use a feather on their partner. A perverted person uses the whole chicken.
Duct tape and Chicken wire. An old man is sitting on his front porch one morning, enjoying the weather and having a cup of coffee. Suddenly he sees a young boy walking down the road carrying several rolls of duct tape. This obviously makes him curious so he calls out, hey son, what are you doing with all that duct tape? The little boy replies, I’m going to catch some ducks sir! The old man chuckles and calls out, son don’t be silly. You can’t catch ducks with duct tape! The little boy just smiles and yells well I’m gonna try. Several hours pass and the old man is out in his yard when the little boy walks past him dragging a whole bunch of ducks. The old man just scratches his head and go’s about his business. The next morning the old man is having his morning coffee on the porch as usual and the little boy comes walking down the road. As he gets closer the old man notices he is carrying a bunch of chicken wire. He wonders what the lad is up to so he calls out excuse me young man! What’s all that chicken wire for? The little boy calls out I’m going to catch me some chickens! The old man scoffs and says son that’s not what chicken wire is for! You’re not gonna get any chickens with that! The young boy happily crys out well I’m gonna try! Later that day the old man notices the boy walking down the road dragging several chickens. He shakes his head and says, well I’ll be damned . A few days later the old man is on his porch, having his morning coffee when the same little boy comes running down the road carrying a bundle of sticks. The old man wonders what this is all about so he calls out hey son! What do you got there? The little boy yells back, pussy willows sir! The old man stands up and says wait up, let me grab my hat .
The latest thing in the world of chickens. A guy is driving down a country road when suddenly a chicken darts into the road ahead of him. He swerves to miss it but is pretty sure he hit it. When he looks in the rearview mirror, though, he doesn’t see the chicken. When he looks back forward, he sees that the chicken is running ahead of the car! Since he’s doing about 40 mph, this astounds him. He decides to follow the chicken. Down the road a bit, the chicken turns down a dirt lane and then runs into a barn yard, where a farmer is scattering feed to hundreds of free-range chickens. He then notices that all of the chickens have four legs! Incredulous, he asks the farmer what the deal is with the four-legged chickens. Well, the farmer replied, I noticed that people really like their drumsticks and there are never enough to satisfy everyone who wants one at the dinner table. So I spent years breeding a four-legged chicken so that everyone who wants a drumstick could have one. That’s brilliant! said the man. What do they taste like? Don’t know. answered the farmer. Never been able to catch one.
Every website requiring subscription would like to wish you a Happy Birthday today! A guy is driving down a country road when suddenly a chicken darts into the road ahead of him. He swerves to miss it but is pretty sure he hit it. When he looks in the rearview mirror, though, he doesn’t see the chicken. When he looks back forward, he sees that the chicken is running ahead of the car! Since he’s doing about 40 mph, this astounds him. He decides to follow the chicken. Down the road a bit, the chicken turns down a dirt lane and then runs into a barn yard, where a farmer is scattering feed to hundreds of free-range chickens. He then notices that all of the chickens have four legs! Incredulous, he asks the farmer what the deal is with the four-legged chickens. Well, the farmer replied, I noticed that people really like their drumsticks and there are never enough to satisfy everyone who wants one at the dinner table. So I spent years breeding a four-legged chicken so that everyone who wants a drumstick could have one. That’s brilliant! said the man. What do they taste like? Don’t know. answered the farmer. Never been able to catch one.
Have you tried the chicken boobs? during the weekend I went to KFC to eated while on the queue, there was a teenager in front of me when it was his turn to order, i can hear his broken english + Malay. Bcos normally when its a chinese customer the KFC staff will speak english proactively. So i guess he must’ve been forced to answer in english. then he uttered something, i wasn’t sure what he said.. but sounds like boobs… then the cashier asked him again cos she also not sure. then this time i heard it.. i want chicken boob no want drumstick . I immediately burst into laughter (try to hold it) and also the other customers.. some giggled and i saw the guy at the next queue actually facepalm himself 😡 i think bcos of this the teenager become shy already… cos he did looked back and i saw his face.. then the cashier also dont know what is chicken boobs , so me being the good samaritan go near the counter and tell the cashier he mean chicken breast . then the teenager thanked me. then i tell him boob we normally use for human. for chicken use breast can dy . he nodded shyly. when his order is done he took the tray and very paiseh walk fast fast away from the queue, while i can still hear some giggling behind Quoted as originally posted by chokolato in a Malaysian [forum](https://forum.lowyat.net/index.php?showtopic=3082789)
Jerk chicken and pulled pork… The owner of my favorite restaurant was arrested for beastiality.. That explains why jerk chicken and pulled pork were the only two menu items.
The dumb ‘pretend’ game Two simple minded men are trying to amuse themselves because they are bored. One says to the other… Oh ! I know. Let’s play a game of ‘Pretend’ ! The other one not knowing what was the game asked what he had to do… Simple ! said the other. I will ‘pretend’ to be a Butcher in a shop and you come in as a ‘pretend’ customer and ‘pretend’ to buy something. The guy playing the customer part says Ok, lets do this ! He turns around while the Butcher ‘pretends’ to be working. The customer compose himself, turn around and ‘pretend’ to enter the Butcher shop, and says My good Sir, would you be so kind as to sell me 3 bottles of Coca Cola, please ? The butcher, not pleased, explain to him that he has it all wrong. That a Butcher shop sells meats and meat products only. So the customer ‘pretend’ to go out and after a short while he ‘pretends’ to comes back in and this time he says Hello again my Dear store owner. Would you, by any chance, have any bottles of Pepsi please ? Now the butcher is really mad and tell him to come back when he knows what he want. The customer went away wandering what was wrong. But even if he was a simple minded man he realized what he was doing wrong. So he goes back and this time he says Good Morning to you good man ! I would like to purchase 1 whole chicken, 2 steaks and 4 sausage links ! The butcher, grinning with all his teeth is in a really good mood and chat the customer about the temperature and other stuff while ‘pretending’ to make the customer order. After a few minutes, he steers the customer to the cash. The customer asks How much will it comes to for my order ? The butcher replies It comes to $17.54. Where are your empty bottles !
What do you call girls that have a chance of winning? Chicken Tenders.
Communication Problem! There was this Asian lady married to an Spanish gentleman and they lived in Spain. The poor lady was not very proficient in Spanish, but managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn’t know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs. The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn’t know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted. The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store… What were you thinking? Helloooooooooo, her husband speaks Spanish!!!
In 1905 there were two boys sitting outside the Hofbräuhaus in Munich, Germany…. One boy, Carl, had just traded his sandwhich with another boy when his mother called him home. Angry with her son, the mother asked, CARL ORFF, why did you trade that chicken sandwhich I worked so hard on for you?! Carl replied, O Fortuna salad.
Best meta-jokes/jokes about jokes? I love this stuff. OK to ask for more here? A few examples: A chicken walks into a bar and says Wait a minute, I’m in the wrong joke! A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, What is this, some kind of joke? Two dogs are sitting on a porch. One dog says You know what I hate about hot days? The other dog says OH MY GOD A TALKING DOG! A drumset fell off a cliff. *ba dum psh!*
Why does the rabbit hide Easter eggs? Because he is ashamed of fucking the chicken.
Redneck definitions: asparagus There were two farmers, farmer Bill and farmer John. Farmer John had two sons and he named them both Gus , because he really couldn’t think of a better name for the second boy. Farmer bill called up farmer John and said, could you gimme a hand with bailing all this hay down here at my farm? Farmer John replied, well shoot, Bill I wish I could, but I got to tend to my chickens before sun down… But I’ll tell you what, ‘ah-spare-a-gus!!’
A horse and a chicken… …are playing in the woods. They are running along, having a good time, when the horse falls in a hole. Calmly, the chicken goes back to the farm, grabs the farmers’ Mercedes, goes back to the hole and pulls out the horse. The next day while they are playing in the woods, the chicken falls in the hole. The chicken says, don’t worry, just go get the farmer’s Mercedes. The horse replies, naa, I’ll just lower down my dick and pull you out. Moral of the story: if you’re hung like a horse you don’t need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
What is the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.
There was the ugly fat chick… There was this ugly fat woman lying in bed waiting for her man to pleasure her. He walks into the doorway with a chicken under his arm and says: Honey, this is the fat pig I’ve been fucking when you’re not here The wife takes he is joking and says: That’s not a pig you idiot. The man glares at her with rage and says: I wasn’t talking to you
Ebay is great! I just ordered a chicken and an egg. We shall see what one comes first.
Why’d the Mexican cross the road? He took the chicken’s job.
Chet the chicken Chet came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, You died in your sleep, Chet’ Chet was stunned. I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back! St. Peter said, I’m sorry, but there’s only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken. Chet was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers,clucking, and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. So, you’re the new hen, huh? How’s your first day here? Not bad,’ replied Chet the hen, ‘but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I’m gonna explode! You’re ovulating, explained the rooster. Don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before? Never, said Chet Well, just relax and let it happen, says the rooster. It’s no big deal. Chet did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Chet was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg – his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell….. Chet Wake up. You shit in the bed!
Humorists of Reddit! I challenge your joke inventing skills! First comment gives the punch line; the reply is the rest of the joke! (repost from 3 months ago) posted 3 months ago by someone whom I honestly can’t remember, but it was indeed a good time for all. *example* Comment: To get to the other side Reply: Why did the chicken peck away at the apple?
The chicken and the egg One night a chicken was out partying and the chicken met an egg. They started talking and the chicken bought the egg a drink. They danced for a while until they took a cab back the chickens place. They undressed and jumped to bed. Afterwards the chicken lighted a cigarette, looked at the egg and said So now we know!
Three friends are lost in the woods… As they try to find their way out, they chance upon a beautiful house and farm. Puzzled by this house in the middle of nowhere, they decide to look inside one of the windows to see if they can get any idea of what’s going on. Upon looking in, they see an old man with his eighteen young, beautiful daughters. They decide that it is at least nothing paranormal, and decide to ask for shelter for the night. So they knock on the door. Almost immediately, it opens, and the man waits expectantly for them to start. The first friend decides he will be bold, and asks, Sir, may I sleep with your daughters tonight? The man says, You can sleep with my pigs in the barn over there, or chance your luck in the woods. The first friend decides to stay in the barn. The second friend asks, Sir, may I sleep with any one of your daughters tonight? The man replies, No. You can sleep with my chickens in the barn. And so the second friend also ends up staying in the barn for the night. The third man humbly asks, Kind sir, may I seek shelter in your house for the night? The man says, For not asking, you may sleep with my daughters tonight. The third friend eagerly heads to the bedroom. Next morning, the man bids the friends good luck, and shows them a trail to follow to get out of the forest. As they walk down the track, the first friend says, I feel like a pig, since I had to sleep with them all night. The second friend says, I feel like a chicken, because I had to sleep with them all night. The third friend thinks for a second, then says, I feel like a golfer, because I got into all 18 holes. Edit: Spelling
Why does a chicken coop has two doors? If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan
Chicken Shit as… A man runs into a friend on the sidewalk with something white on his lips. He says, Hey bud, looks like you have chicken shit on your lips. It is chicken shit. I put it on when my lips were becoming chapped. He asked, Does it work? Well, I don’t lick my lips anymore.
What colour animals have the most sex? Brown Chicken, Brown Cow
Why do chicken coups have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.
Why did the lollipop cross the road? … Cause it was stuck to the chicken. I heard that on the radio today. I LOLed.
I like …. Every knows I like my kids the way I like farmed chicken Caged I like my kids the way I like my wine 7 years old and in my basement Post some good ones in the comments
