Why did the lost tourist cross the road? The chicken looked like he knew where he was going.
Would you watch a turkey dance? No, but I’d watch a chicken strip.
Why did the pervert cross the road? He was choking the chicken.
A chicken walks into a library… …and she walks up to the counter and says, book, booook, book book. So the librarian thinks briefly and comes back with Animal Farm. The hen wanders off with the book. Next day the hen is back, it has the book with it, the librarian returns the book and the hen goes, book, boooook, book, book book. The librarian thinks what the hell and grabs it Of Mice and Men and the hen leaves. Next day sure enough the hen is back, book in beak, book book boooook. Atlas Shrugged. Book, booook. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Book book. … you get the idea. This goes on for about a week until the librarian gets curious enough to follow the chicken and find out what’s happening. So the next time the chicken comes in the Librarian books out one of Proust’s works to slow it down down and follows the hen trying not to be seen. All the way past the outskirts of town, down over Old Farmer Giles’ twisted stile. Through the Sweeping Woods and upto a pond, where the chicken shows the book to a frog, which replies. Reddit.
Why did the tofu cross the road? To prove it wasn’t chicken. >:|
What do mechanical keyboards want for dinner? Chicken ticka ticka ticka masala
ANOTHER CHICKEN, ANOTHER ROAD Q: Why did the stoner cross the road? A: Who else would follow a chicken?
A chicken and an egg were lying in bed… ..when the chicken turned to the egg, puffed from his cigarette, and said Well that answers THAT question! .
Farmer jokes A city slicker decides he wants to be a farmer, so he takes a taxi out to the nearest farm. He walks up to the farmer and tells him he’s sick of the city life and wants to start a farm and that he wants to buy a Chicken. The farmer replies, Alright boy I can set you up, but a real farmer don’t call ’em chickens, we call ’em pullits. The man agrees to call it that and makes his purchase. He starts to walk away and thinks to himself I should get a rooster too so I can bread them. he walks back t the farmer and asks for a rooster. Alright son, I can sell you one, but we don’t call ’em that, we call ’em cocks. The man agrees to call it that and walks off again. The man realizes it’s a long walk, so goes back to buy a donkey. The farmer once again corrects him and says, out here we call it an ass, not a donkey. The man hops on and starts to ride off with a bird under each arm. The farmer runs after him, I forgot to mention, this here fella is stubborn some times, he may stop walking, if he does hop off and give him a little scratch behind the ear and he’ll be good to go. The man thanked the farmer and was off. Not long into his journey, the donkey stopped walking. The man yelled, come on what’s your problem, go! A women walking by him looked at him confused. The man remembered what the farmer had said, so he hopped off and asked the women, Excuse me ma’am, could you hold my cock and pull-it while I scratch my ass?
A dyslexic walks in to a bra A city slicker decides he wants to be a farmer, so he takes a taxi out to the nearest farm. He walks up to the farmer and tells him he’s sick of the city life and wants to start a farm and that he wants to buy a Chicken. The farmer replies, Alright boy I can set you up, but a real farmer don’t call ’em chickens, we call ’em pullits. The man agrees to call it that and makes his purchase. He starts to walk away and thinks to himself I should get a rooster too so I can bread them. he walks back t the farmer and asks for a rooster. Alright son, I can sell you one, but we don’t call ’em that, we call ’em cocks. The man agrees to call it that and walks off again. The man realizes it’s a long walk, so goes back to buy a donkey. The farmer once again corrects him and says, out here we call it an ass, not a donkey. The man hops on and starts to ride off with a bird under each arm. The farmer runs after him, I forgot to mention, this here fella is stubborn some times, he may stop walking, if he does hop off and give him a little scratch behind the ear and he’ll be good to go. The man thanked the farmer and was off. Not long into his journey, the donkey stopped walking. The man yelled, come on what’s your problem, go! A women walking by him looked at him confused. The man remembered what the farmer had said, so he hopped off and asked the women, Excuse me ma’am, could you hold my cock and pull-it while I scratch my ass?
A broke but horny sailor is on shore leave from the navy… so he finds the nearest brothel, goes up to the counter and says I’ve only got $20$, what can I get for that? The old woman behind the counter says Down the corridor, second door on the right. . So he gives her the money, goes down the corridor and into the second door on the right. There on the table is a chicken, clucking away. So he thinks, ‘fuck it, I’ve paid my money’ and goes and fucks the chicken. Next week, he’s even more broke, and even hornier than last time so he goes back to the brothel and asks the woman at the counter I’ve not got much but what can I get for $5 dollars? Down the corridor, past the two doors on your right, up the stairs to the right and first door on your right. She says. So he goes down the corridor, past the two doors on his right, up the stairs and into the first door on the right. Inside he sees 5 guys all crouched around something on the floor, wanking themselves off. He goes over and asks on of the guys, What are you all looking at? The guy turns to him and shows him a hole in the floorboards. Through it he can see two gorgeous blonde lesbians going at it in the room below. Wow, this is great! And I only paid $5! . The other guy looks at him and says Well you should have been here last week, there was a bloke fucking a chicken! .
Mastercard Chinese Resturant Commercial General Tso’s Chicken…….. $11.50 Coca-Cola…….. $1.99 Take out guy forgets container…….. Riceless
Billy goes hunting with grandpa Young Billy was walking down the sidewalk when he passed his Grandpa Cecil’s house. Grandpa Cecil noticed that Billy was carrying something in his arms. Hey, Billy. What’s that you have in your arm? It’s chicken wire. I’m going to catch some chickens with it. Convinced that Billy was wrong, Grandpa Cecil said Billy, you can’t catch chicken with chicken wire! Not how that works. Billy shrugs his shoulders and heads off. Later that evening, Billy passes back by and in the chicken wire was a bunch of chickens. Son of a bitch, Grandpa Cecil muttered to himself. Billy passes by Cecil’s the next day when Cecil noticed something in Billy’s left hand. Hey, billy. Whatcha got there? It’s duct tape. I’m gonna go catch some ducks with it. Thinking yesterday was a fluke, Grandpa Cecil said What the hell, Billy. You don’t catch ducks with duct tape! Same time that evening, Billy passes back by with about 7 or 8 ducks on a line of duct tape. Grandpa Cecil is speechless. On the third and final day, Billy was walking past Grandpa Cecil’s house. He an extra bounce in his step and was waving around something that Cecil couldn’t make out. Say there, Billy. What’s that you have today? It’s pussywillow. I’m gonna go get som… Grandpa Cecil interrupted Billy. Oh, hot damn! Hold on, let me get my hat!
Why Didn’t* the Chicken Cross the Road? Because he was too chicken! Sorry.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in it’s eye? Chicken caesar salad.
The Buzzards Are Coming So a farmer’s dog won’t stop humping legs. Farmer kicks him out of the house and says Damn dog, you’re going to fuck yourself to death. Next day the farmer wakes up to find all his chickens are splayed all over the hen house. The dog is sitting in the corner panting, clearly having just sexually violated all of the future chick-fil-a kid’s meals. Farmer yells at the dog: Damn dog, you’re going to fuck yourself to death. Next day the farmer wakes to find all of his pigs and cows banged into oblivion. Farmer yells at the dog: Damn dog, you’re going to fuck yourself to death. Next day the farmer sees the dog laying on his back off in the distance on a hill. Seemingly dead. Farmer hikes out to find his dog dead. Farmer says, damn dog, you fucked yourself to death. The dog opens one eye and says shhhh, the buzzards are coming.
A Chinese man and woman get married. On their wedding night, the man decides to try to impress his wife with his sexual sophistication. He insists that he will do whatever she wants. At first she is demure, but eventually she relents and says: I’ve heard some friends talk about 69 . The husband is incredulous: You want sesame chicken at a time like this? .
Why didn’t the bird cross the road? It chickened out.
In soviet Russia….. Road crosses chicken
What are the 2 sexiest farm animals? Brown chicken, brown cow.
The after spring break in a 1st grade classroom The teacher tells the class that to have a little fun everybody is going to get to tell a story, it doesn’t have to be over their spring break, but it does have to have a moral. The first kid stands up and says that I once went to my grandparents farm. Their chickens laid eggs and we put them all in an incubator. We counted 20 eggs but only 15 of them hatched. The moral to my story is to not count your chickens before they hatch. The next kid stand up and says, I went to my grandparents farm one time too! When our chickens laid eggs we put them all in a big basket in the back of the truck to take them back to the farm house. On the way we hit a bump in the road and all of our eggs fell out! The moral to my story is not put all your eggs in one basket. The teacher says good job and the next kid stood up to tell a story. My dad was in the Vietnam war and his helicopter got shot out of the air. All he had in the helicopter was a parachute, a machete, a machine gun with 50 rounds of ammunition, and a 12 pack of beer. As he floated down he drank the entire 12 pack of beer, and when he finally landed on the ground he was surrounded by 100 Vietcong. He killed the first 50 with his machine gun, the next 30 with his machete, and the last 20 in hand to hand combat The kid finished his story there and sat down. The teacher replied, well that’s a pretty good story, but you didn’t give a moral. He stood back up, the moral to my story is, ‘don’t fuck with my dad when he’s drunk’
Why did the chicken cross the road? Friend told me about this one a while ago A: Why did the chicken cross the road? B: Why? A: To get to the stupid man’s house on the other side B: …. A: Knock Knock B: Who’s there? A: The chicken
Joke by former president Calvin Coolidge The President and Mrs. Coolidge were being shown [separately] around an experimental government farm. When [Mrs. Coolidge] came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, Dozens of times each day. Mrs. Coolidge said, Tell that to the President when he comes by. Upon being told, the President asked, Same hen every time? The reply was, Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every time. President: Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.
Why did the pervert cross the road? He couldn’t get his cock out of the chicken
Polish Farmers Two Polish Farmers are talking about how to make more money, and Polish Farmer 1 notes that he is going to start raising Chickens for more income. When the chickens arrive, Polish Farmer 1 digs 50 holes in a neat row, and buries the chickens up to their necks. He waters them, and within a day, they are all dead. He asks Polish Farmer 2 what he did wrong? Polish Farmer 2 looks at the dead chickens, and says, you planted them wrong. So, Polish Farmer 1 buys more chickens, digs more holes, and this time, plants them head first into the soil, buries them, and waters them. Within a day, all the chickens are dead. Polish Farmer 1 talks with Polish Farmer 2 and says, how is this wrong, no one else has dead chickens? Farmer 2 says, Lets call Krakow University, they have an agriculture school, they will know how to fix this . So they call the school, and tell them everything they have done, planting chickens by the feet, planting chickens by the head, all dead chickens. There is a LONG pause. And finally, the university replies: We’re going to need a soil sample
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot’s house. Knock Knock. Who’s there? The chicken.
Why does the Easter Bunny hide the eggs? Because he doesn’t want anybody to know that he’s been fucking chickens!
Do you know why the Easter Bunny hides his eggs? Because he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s been FUCKING CHICKENS!!!
It’s Easter Sunday morning… … and chubby Chuck has been chomping on Easter eggs all night. He decides that he simply can’t eat one more Easter egg. So he plays a prank. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every single egg the hens have laid with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later, the rooster walks in, sees all the colored eggs, then storms outside and kills the peacock.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? … and chubby Chuck has been chomping on Easter eggs all night. He decides that he simply can’t eat one more Easter egg. So he plays a prank. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every single egg the hens have laid with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later, the rooster walks in, sees all the colored eggs, then storms outside and kills the peacock.
Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? So that no one find out he fucks chickens.
Master List for Easter Dad Jokes Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs? From Eggplants Why do we paint Easter eggs? Because it’s easier than trying to wallpaper them! What day does an Easter egg hate the most? Fry-days. What kind of bunny can’t hop? A chocolate one! Why did the Easter egg hide? He was a little chicken. Where does the easter bunny eat breakfast? at IHOP source: http://www.jokes4us.com/holidayjokes/easterjokes/easteronelinersjokes.html
Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs? [NSFW] He doesn’t want anyone to know he’s been fucking the chickens!
A chicken and an egg are in bed together The chicken lighting a cigarette says to the egg with a smirk, that was fantastic . The egg pulls up the sheets and rolls over while muttering, well that solves that question, doesn’t it?
Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs? He doesn’t want anybody to know he fuc%ing the chicken
A guy calls KFC Guy: Hello KFC: This is KFC Guy: Is chicken available? KFC: Yes. Guy: May I speak to chicken? **This is actually based on an Indonesian comedian’s video he posted on instagrma in which he called KFC as a prank.
Why did the chicken cross the road?… It chickened out. (Sorry if repost) (Also, first post so be nice 🙂 )
The shovel was a ground-breaking invention. It chickened out. (Sorry if repost) (Also, first post so be nice 🙂 )
My cute younger brother’s contribution. Brother: Why did the chicken cross the road? Me: Don’t know, why? Brother: To go to the ugly guy’s house. Me: Huh?? Brother: Knock, knock. Me: Who’s there? Brother: The chicken.
Why didn’t Zeke get that job at the KFC off the interstate? He thought they’d want to hear that back at the farm, he likes doin’ chickens right also.
A Chicken walked into a Library… So one day, while I was still working as a Librarian, this chicken walked inside and went toward the stacks of books. After what seemed like a few minutes, the chicken walked up to the counter with good size stack of books. The Chicken put them on the counter and, while pointing to each book, said: Bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak Puzzled, I decided to ask the chicken for its library card and sure enough the chicken gave it to me. The chicken took the checked out books and then left the library. The next day, the same chicken came back, put all the books into the return slot, and walked up to my desk with a larger stack of books. The chicken then, while pointing to each book, said: Bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak Confused, I took the chicken’s library card and checked out said books. The chicken then left the library carrying the larger stack of books. The next day, the chicken came in with all the books, put all of them into the return slot and, after ten minutes, came back with an even larger stack of books. The chicken put the books on the counter and, while pointing to each book, said: Bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak I took the chicken’s library card and checked out all the books. The chicken, now staggering under the weight of all the books, left the library. Curious about what is going on, I left my post for few minutes and started to follow the chicken. I followed the chicken down to the creek when the chicken had sat the books down in front of a frog who sat on a nearby lily pad. The chicken then pointed at all the books and said: Bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwak The frog flicked its tongue at every single book and said: Reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit,reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit,reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit,reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit,reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit, reddit. *On a side note, I got fired that day because I was gone for too long
Why did the hillbilly cross the road? His dick was in the chicken
A Little Boy and His Chores A Little boy sits down and ask his mom for breakfast. The mom ask have you done your chores? He pouts and says, no, chores are dumb The mom says he can’t have breakfast until they’re done So the boy walks outside and walks over to the cow and begins milking her. While doing so he gets pissed and kicks the cow and walks away. He then walks over to the Chickens and begins gathering the eggs, and once again he gets pissed and kicks the chickens. Finally he walks over to the pigs and doesn’t even try, he just kicks the pig. He runs back inside and ask his mom for breakfast. She throws down a piece of bread. The little boy ask why. She says, you kicked the cow so no milk for 2 weeks, you kicked the chicken so no eggs for 2 weeks and you kicked the pigs so no bacon for 2 weeks. A few minutes later the dad walks into the kitchen and trips on the cat. The dad gets pissed and kicks the cat across the room. The boy turns to his mom and says, should I tell him or do you want to
How to insult someone with class. Heard a guy at work say this to a high school kid after he asked which world war came first. Do you know why the chicken crossed the road? No? To get to the idiot’s house! Knock knock ! Who’s there? THE CHICKEN YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
The Deaf Wife Problem Fred feared his wife Rhonda wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Here’s what you do, said the Doctor. Stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response. That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens. Then in a normal tone he asks, Honey, what’s for dinner? No response. So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, Rhonda, what’s for dinner? Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what’s for dinner? Again he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. Honey, what’s for dinner? Again there is no response.. So he walks right up behind her. Rhonda, what’s for dinner? For the FIFTH time Fred, CHICKEN!!
The horse and the chicken Horse and chicken are best buds, the love frolicking in the farm. One rainy day they get too close to the pond and the horse falls in, getting himself stuck he exclaims, chicken, save me! I can’t swim! Always the quick thinker, chicken runs up to the farmers house, grabs the keys to the BMW, backs it up to the pond, then ties a rope around the BMW tow hooks, then ties a rope around the horse, then drives forward thus pulling him to safety. The horse is saved!! A few weeks go by and, again, playing by the pond, the chicken gets stuck in the water. Help! Horse! Remember how I saved you!? Help, I can’t swim! The horse responds. well I can’t drive stick. So here, I’ve an idea, I’ll stand over the pond and let my dick hang down, you grab a hold and I’ll pull you out. The chicken is saved!! The moral of the story is, if you’ve got a big dick you don’t need a BMW to pick up chicks.
A man walks into a Chinese restaurant. He tells the waiter, I am starving, and I need tons of food. What ya got? The waiter replies, oh sir we have tons! We have orange chicken, jumbo shrimp, egg rolls, and Dim sum! …dim sum… din sum… den sum… IT’S FUNNY!
What you got there, boy? A boy is walking down a country lane, past an old codger’s house, carrying a roll of chicken wire. What you got there, boy? asks the old man. Well, sir. This here’s chicken wire so I’m gonna go git me some chickens , replies the youth. Pshaw! You’re crazy son , says the coot, and goes back to his whittling. However, within about 20 minutes, he sees the boy strolling back the other way with several chickens bound up in his chicken wire. Well, I’ll be damned. he thinks to himself. A short time later, he again sees the boy walking down the lane, this time carrying a roll of tape. What you doin’ now, boy? he asks. Well, sir, this here’s duck tape so I’m gonna go git me some ducks! the boy replies cheerfully. Son, you can’t catch no ducks with tape! demands the aged clodhopper and, chortling, settles back down to his Rush Limbaugh show and grumbling about them *goddamned lib’rals*. Amazingly, within a few minutes, he sees the boy walking back the way he came with several fine-looking ducks, quacking and struggling, bound tightly in the duct tape. Well, I’ll be damned. he thinks to himself for the second time that day. Twenty minutes later, he sees the boy walking down the lane again, carrying several long tree branches. What you doin’ *now* boy? asks the crusty old yokel. The boy says, Well, sir, this here’s pussywillow and I’m– Hold on, son. Lemme get my hat!
How did the dead Baby get across the road? Stapled to the back of the Chicken!
Why did the chicken cross the road… A chicken who had no business being in New York City on the morning of September of 11th 2001. A chicken with known ties to the Bush and Cheney administration. A chicken who just two days before this tragedy befell our great nation sold all his stick in Untied Airways. Where has this chicken gone? Who was this chicken? Did he have prior knowledge to these attacks? It’s time we wake up American and stop asking question and start demanding answers!!
