I don’t know why people say food in the military is bad… I was given a big chicken dinner!
How can you tell if a black girl is pregnant? You stick a chicken wing up her vagina and it comes out clean.
Why didn’t the chicken cross the road? It chickened out
A joke meant to be told to someone you wanna make love to… 10% success rate. A curious rabbit escaped from the zoo and into wilderness… It went HOP HOP HOP until it spotted a cow. Rabbit: What are you? Cow: Do you really wanna know? Rabbit: Yes! Cow: Let’s have sex first. –love making– Cow: I’m a cow. So it went HOP HOP HOP again until it spotted a chicken. Rabbit: What are you? Chicken: Do you really wanna know? Rabbit: Yes! Chicken: Let’s have sex first… –Love Making– Chicken: I’m a chicken. And the rabbit went HOP HOP HOP until it ran into a sprukotok… Girl/Guy you are telling the joke to: What’s a sprukotok? You: Do you really wanna know?
Conversation between teacher and student **Teacher:** Kids,what does the chicken give you? **Student:** Meat! **Teacher:** Very good! Now what does the pig give you? **Student:** Bacon! **Teacher:** Great! And what does the fat cow give you? **Student:** Homework!
Why didn’t the Siamese chicken cross the road? he was two chickens
Chicken and Egg A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, I guess we answered that question!
As far as days go, this one is 10/10. A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, I guess we answered that question!
Why did the chicken cross the road? TO KILL YOUR DOG!!!!!!! Context: Neighbor’s dog got hit by a car mid chasing a chicken crossing the road.
Egg-Laying Why does a chicken lay eggs? Because if she dropped them, they’d break
Priorities Frankie: Doctor, my little brother here thinks he’s a chicken. Doctor: How long has this been going on? Frankie: Oh, about six-seven months. Doctor: Why didn’t you bring him to me sooner? Frankie: We needed the eggs.
Why did the hen cross the road? because chicken.
Literacy So this chicken walks into the library, and she walks up to the librarian and she says, Book. The librarian says, You want a book? Book. Any book? Book. So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off she goes. An hour later the chicken comes back and says, Book-book The librarian says, Now you want two books? Book-book. So she gives the chicken two more novels. The chicken leaves but she comes back soon. Book-book-book. Three books? Book-book-book. So the librarian gives the chicken three books, but she decides she’ll follow the chicken and find out what’s going on. The chicken goes down the alley, and out of town and towards the woods, into the woods and down to the river, down to the swamp, and there is a bullfrog. The chicken sets the books down by him, and he looks at them and says, Reddit…Reddit…Reddit.
Why do people in France have to eat frog legs that taste like chicken ? If they eat real chicken they’ll be arrested for cannibalism. Edit: grammar
Barnyard Literacy So this chicken walks into the library, and she walks up to the librarian and she says: Book. The librarian says: You want a book? Book. Any book? Book. So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off she goes. An hour later the chicken comes back and says, Book-book The librarian says: Now you want two books? Book-book. So she gives the chicken two more novels. The chicken leaves but she comes back soon. Book-book-book. Three books? Book-book-book. So the librarian gives the chicken three books, but she decides she’ll follow the chicken and find out what’s going on. The chicken goes down the alley, and out of town and towards the woods, into the woods and down to the river, down to the swamp, and there is a bullfrog. The chicken sets the books down by him, and he looks at them and says: Reddit…Reddit…Reddit.
The Incomplete Surveys Institute concluded that 78% of every women So this chicken walks into the library, and she walks up to the librarian and she says: Book. The librarian says: You want a book? Book. Any book? Book. So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off she goes. An hour later the chicken comes back and says, Book-book The librarian says: Now you want two books? Book-book. So she gives the chicken two more novels. The chicken leaves but she comes back soon. Book-book-book. Three books? Book-book-book. So the librarian gives the chicken three books, but she decides she’ll follow the chicken and find out what’s going on. The chicken goes down the alley, and out of town and towards the woods, into the woods and down to the river, down to the swamp, and there is a bullfrog. The chicken sets the books down by him, and he looks at them and says: Reddit…Reddit…Reddit.
why did the Marty Mcfly cross the road… Because nobody calls him chicken!
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads.. Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00 He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender Are you the one who gives the hand jobs? he asks. Yes she purrs, I am. Well, wash your frickin’ hands, says the man. I want a cheese sandwich!
Reddit Jokes section is not racist. Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00 He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender Are you the one who gives the hand jobs? he asks. Yes she purrs, I am. Well, wash your frickin’ hands, says the man. I want a cheese sandwich!
What is the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather….kinky is using the whole chicken.
A pig and a chicken want to open a new restaurant… The pig asks what they would name it. The Chicken says, why not eggs and ham? The pig said no because that would require full commitment on his part and left.
Einstein And Newton were having a conversation Einstein: The Chicken did not cross the road. The road passed beneath the chicken. Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross roads.
A chicken and an egg are laying in bed… When the chicken sits up, lights a cigar and says Well I guess that answers that question.
Why did the Frog cross the road? Because it was stapled to the Chicken.
What kind of tree do chickens come from? None of them you stupid fuck. Chickens come from other chickens, trees from other trees, and the ‘try’ part of ‘poultry’ isn’t even spelled the same.
Blue Collar Work Where does the blue collar chicken work? The Eggplant.
What is it called when a Roman gets really sick? Chicken Pox Romana
Joke Between Teacher And Student.. 😛 Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you? Student: Meat! Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you? Student: Bacon! Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you? Student: Homework!
The strongest rooster. Two roosters named Sam and Spike, argued over who was the strongest rooster in the henhouse. They never agreed. However, they did agree how to decide. They arranged for alle the chickens to stand in a long line, and then Sam and Spike would start to mate with the chickens, from each end at the same time. The first rooster to complete all the chickens, is the strongest! So, it starts.. Sam goes at it, thanking each chicken for their service: Thank you, ma’am. Thank you, ma’am. Thank you, ma’am. – Spike is also well underway: Thank you, ma’am. Thank you, ma’am. Sorry, Sam.. . – I’m aware that roosters do not have penises, but hey.. It’s just a joke.. 🙂
you dont know Jack Schitt!? NSFW(language) You Don’t Know Jack Schitt? Jack Schitt You Don’t Know Jack Schitt? Author Unknown Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, You don’t know Jack Schitt. Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep &. Schitt Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. http://www.wambui-bahati.com/You-Dont-Know-Jack-Schitt.html Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Piza Schitt. So now if someone says, You don’t know Jack Schitt , you can correct them. Not only do you know Jack, you know his whole family!
you dont know Jack Schitt!? NSFW (language) You Don’t Know Jack Schitt? Jack Schitt You Don’t Know Jack Schitt? Author Unknown Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, You don’t know Jack Schitt. Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep &. Schitt Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. http://www.wambui-bahati.com/You-Dont-Know-Jack-Schitt.html Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Piza Schitt. So now if someone says, You don’t know Jack Schitt , you can correct them. Not only do you know Jack, you know his whole family!
I hate when I’m trying to sleep at night But my ADHD’s all like: One Sheep… Two Sheep… Cow… Chicken… Turtle… Ol’ McDonald had a farm… Hey Macarena!!!
Why’d the pervert cross the road? He couldn’t pull out of the chicken
Brain Stew Once upon a time, a man goes to a restaurant to eat dinner. On the menu he sees various kinds of brain stew. The lamb brain stew is $20, the fish brain stew is $25, the chicken brain stew is $15, the cow brain stew is $30 and so on, at the bottom he sees blonde brain stew and that is $999. Curious, the man calls the waiter and asks him, I see the brain stew is reasonable for different animals, but why is the blonde brain stew so expensive? The waiter replies, Sir, we rarely find blonde brains, that is why it is so expensive
Why did the gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chickens foot.
My favorite dad joke of all time… Why don’t chickens pee? Because they eat with their pecker.
A chicken walks into a library and squawks, Book, book, book, BOOK! A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk. When the chicken sees that it has the librarian’s attention, it squawks, Book, book, book, BOOK! The librarian complies, putting a couple of books down in front of the chicken. The chicken quickly grabs them and disappears. The next day, the librarian is again disturbed by the same chicken, who puts the previous day’s pile of books down on the desk and again squawks, Book, book, book, BOOK! The librarian shakes her head, wondering what the chicken is doing with these books, but eventually finds some more books for the chicken. The chicken disappears. The next day, the librarian is once again disturbed by the chicken, who squawks (in a rather irritated fashioon, it seems), Book, book, book, BOOK! By now, the librarian’s curiosity has gotten the better of her, so she gets a pile of books for the chicken, and follows the bird when it leaves the library. She follows it through the parking lot, down the street for several blocks, and finally into a large park. The chicken disappears into a small grove of trees, and the librarian follows. On the other side of the trees is a small marsh. The chicken has stopped on the side of the marsh. The librarian, now really curious, hurries over and sees that there is a small frog next to the chicken, examining each book, one at a time. The librarian comes within earshot just in time to hear the frog saying, Read it, read it, read it…
Why was the chicken afraid to cross the road? Because it’s a chicken.
Why did the pervert cross the road? His dick was stuck in the chicken.
Some peoples Thinks its joke Must read and gave you advise is it or not Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you? Student: Meat! Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you? Student: Bacon! Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you? Student: Homework!
Why didn’t the Turkey cross the road? It was too Chicken.
Joke from my Property Law Professor We’re discussing a hypothetical case where a woman named Claudia works on a Perdue factor farm. So, says my professor, in this case we have Claudia, who is employed as… *dramatic pause* a chicken tender.
A few pickup lines to use on the ladies… I like my women like I like my mattresses. Immobile and under a sheet I like my women like I like my contact lenses. Transparent and shallow I like my women like I like my four horsemen. Four of them, willing to ride I like my women like I like Lance Armstrong. Possessing of fewer testicles than I I like my women like I like my men. Human beings with working genitalia I like my women like I like my lionfish. Wet, horny, and resembling a fish I like my women like I like my classical music. Hundreds of years old in pieces on a piano I like my women like I like my avid readers. Thirsting for the climax I like my women like I like my congress. Full of dicks I like my women like I like my coffee. Thick, foreign, and filled with cream I like my women like I like my wine. Seven years old and in my basement I like my women like I like my dinosaur bones. Old, brown, and buried somewhere in Utah I like my women like I like my chocolate. Dark, rich, and associated with acne I like my women like I like my US history. Butchered by white guys I like my women like I like my donuts. Deep fried, with a hole in the middle I like my women like I like my chickens. With large, genetically modified breasts I like my women like I like my gum. 25% plastic I like my women like I like my dogs. Loud, shaved, and potty trained I like my women like I like my old trees. Dead inside I like my women like I like my intestines. Huge, pink, and full of shit I like my women like I like my phone service. Dead in the desert I like my women like I like my doctors, empty boarding schools, and Amazon.com. Without borders I like my women like I like my children. Supposed to come first I like my women like I like my fields. Wide open… also being plowed by a horse I like my women like I like my water bottles. Tall, strong, and full of alcohol I like my women like I like my cocaine. Illegally imported, unable to testify, and spread out on my desk
why did the man cross the road? he had his dick stuck in a chicken
chicken & KFC Q: Why did the chicken go to KFC? A: He wanted to see a chicken strip.
President Coolidge and his wife were having marital issues (and old, classic joke) President Coolidge and his wife visited a government farm that was developing new approaches to efficiency and they were taken on separate tours. When Mrs. Coolidge came to the chicken yard she noticed that the rooster was vigorously mating with the hens. How often does that happen? she asked. Oh, dozens of times per day. Well be sure to tell that to the President when he comes by. President Coolidge was brought to the chicken yard and his wife’s message was relayed. He asked Does the rooster mate with the same hen every time? Oh no, said the guide, it’s a different hen every time. Please tell that to Mrs. Coolidge, replied the President.
A school-joke Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you? Student: Meat! Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you? Student: Bacon! Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you? Student: Homework!
Brewster the Rooster Saw a post today about a kid with a rooster named Brooster and remembered this old joke. A farmer decides he needs a new rooster so he can expand his chicken coop, so he buys the most virile one he can find and names him Brewster. Within a day, Brewster has impregnated every hen the farmer owns. The next day, the farmer awakes to a huge ruckus coming from his turkey pen. He goes out to defend his turkeys, only to find Brewster furiously attempting to fuck every turkey he owns, sending them into a panic. The farmer grabs the rooster by the neck and pulls him away, saying Brewster, you horny rooster, keep this up and it’s gonna kill you! . The very next day, the farmer awakes to angry honking. Running over to where the geese are kept, he sees a storm of feathers as Brewster vigorously humps every goose that isn’t attacking him. The farmer jumps in and yanks Brewster away, yelling Brewster, you horny rooster, keep this up and it’s gonna kill you! . The next day, all seems quiet. The farmer goes out to inspect his animals only to see a small figure laying motionless in the hot sun. He walks over to see that it’s Brewster, tongue lolling out of his beak in the dust. The farmer sighs and says I tried to tell you, Brewster, you horny rooster, what did you try to fuck now? Brewster pops open an eye and says Shhh… buzzards… .
Teacher and Students in the class Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you? Student: Meat! Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you? Student: Bacon! Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you? Student: Homework!
Why did /u/JokeOverExplainBot cross the road? His dick was stuck in the chicken.
