Why don’t black girls wear underwear to cookouts? To keep the flies off the fried chicken.
High School Jocks Attend W. Virginia Prom Together Two high school jocks made news last weekend by going to the prom as a couple, reports Outsports. Musselman High School student and West Virginia all-state athlete, Michael Martin, knew who he wanted to take to the prom Saturday: his boyfriend, Logan Westrope, a student at neighboring Hedgesville High. I asked Logan to the prom after his work, Martin said. I gave him a bag with a chicken sandwich inside and asked, ‘Are you a chicken or will you go to the prom with me?’ Michael said. He easily and gladly said yes.
A chicken farmer went to a local bar…. Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.. The woman perks up and says, ‘How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!’ ‘What a coincidence’ the farmer says. ‘This is a special day for me…. I am celebrating’ ‘This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!’ says the woman. ‘What a coincidence!’ says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, ‘What are you celebrating?’ ‘My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!’ ‘What a coincidence,’ says the man. ‘I’m a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.’ ‘That’s great!’ says the woman. ‘How did your chickens become fertile?’ ‘I used a different cock,’ he replied. The woman smiled and said, ‘What a coincidence.’
What is the difference between a Chicken and a Prostitute? The Chicken says Cockadoodaldoo The Prostitute says Any COCK will do
Why did vegan cross the road? Because chicken came to his side.
Old man sitting on his porch When three young men walk by carrying chicken wire. Curious, the old man asks where are you boys going with that chicken wire? The young men reply we’re going to catch some chickens! The old man smiles, remembering his young and foolish years, and shakes his head. A couple hours later, the same young men walk by carrying three chickens! Astonished, the old man says I’ll be damned! The next day, while sitting on his porch the old man sees the same young men walk by carrying duct tape. The old man asks where are you boys going with that duct tape? To which the young men reply going to catch some ducks! The old man smiles, remembering his young and foolish years, and shakes his head. A few hours later, the young men walk by carrying three ducks! Astonished once again the old man exclaims I’ll be damned! The following day the old man sees those same young men walking by his house carrying pussy willows. The old man smiles, remembering his young and foolish years and says I’ll grab my hat! Not sure if this deserves nsfw so I will just be safe 🙂
Why did the pervert cross the road? Because his dick was stuck in the chicken.
Mexican Word of the day: Chicken My wife wanted to get to the grocery store, but chicken go herself
Why did the fish cross the sea? Why did the fish cross the sea? To get to the other tide Why did the child cross the playground? To get to the other slide *These all stem from the traditional why did the chicken cross the road jokes and are incredibly cheesy but I’m not ashamed to say I love them.*
Teacher vs Kids 😛 Teacher: Kids, what does the chicken give you? Student: Meat! Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you? Student: Bacon! Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you? Student: Homework!
What’s the difference between meat and chicken? If you beat your chicken it dies.
Why Did The Black Guy Crossed The Road? because… chicken.lel
Have you ever heard about that joke you can’t tell to gay people? because… chicken.lel
Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? A: Because he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s screwing the chickens.
Reddit A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk. When the chicken sees that it has the librarian’s attention, it squawks, Book, book, book, BOOK! The librarian complies, putting a couple of books down in front of the chicken. The chicken quickly grabs them and disappears. The next day, the librarian is again disturbed by the same chicken, who puts the previous day’s pile of books down on the desk and again squawks, Book, book, book, BOOK! The librarian shakes her head, wondering what the chicken is doing with these books, but eventually finds some more books for the chicken. The chicken disappears. The next day, the librarian is once again disturbed by the chicken, who squawks (in a rather irritated fashioon, it seems), Book, book, book, BOOK! By now, the librarian’s curiosity has gotten the better of her, so she gets a pile of books for the chicken, and follows the bird when it leaves the library. She follows it through the parking lot, down the street for several blocks, and finally into a large park. The chicken disappears into a small grove of trees, and the librarian follows. On the other side of the trees is a small marsh. The chicken has stopped on the side of the marsh. The librarian, now really curious, hurries over and sees that there is a small frog next to the chicken, examining each book, one at a time. The librarian comes within earshot just in time to hear the frog saying, Reddit , reddit , reddit…
Chickens in the farm Q: Why did the chicken not cross the road to meat the cow? A: The steaks were already too high.
Randy the Rooster A farmer has 200 chickens and no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster. The other farmer says, yeah, I’ve got this great rooster, named randy; he’ll service every chicken you’ve got. No problem Well, Randy the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he’d be worth it, so, he buys Randy. The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard, giving the rooster a pep talk, Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You’ve got a lot of chickens to service here and you cost me a lot of money, and I’ll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun, the farmer said with a chuckle. Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points towards the hen house and Randy took off like a shot ~WHAM~ He nails every hen in there THREE or FOUR times and the farmer is just shocked. Randy runs out of the hen house and sees a flock of geese down by the lake ~WHAM~ he gets all the geese. Randy’s up in the pigpen. He’s in with the cows. Randy is jumping on every animal the farmer owns. The farmer is distraught, worried that his expensive rooster won’t even last the day. Sure enough, when the farmer wakes up the next day he finds Randy dead as a doorknob in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead. The farmer makes his way out to Randy, saddened by the loss of such a colorful animal, he shakes his head and says, Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you’ve done to yourself. Randy opens one eye, nods towards the sky and say’s, Shhh. They’re getting closer…
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke hadn’t been invented yet.
Why did the chicken cross the road Why did the chicken cross the road? Don’t know To get to the idiots house. Knock knock. Who’s there? The chicken
I’m so sick of this debate. Of COURSE, the chicken came first! Are you saying I don’t know how to properly fuck a chicken?
I just created a new rhythm. I really wanted to tell everyone but I didn’t want to make a song and dance of it Are you saying I don’t know how to properly fuck a chicken?
Chickens A bunch of chickens were in the yard when a football flew over the fence and landed in their midst. A rooster waddled over, studied it, then said, I’m not complaining, girls, but look at the work they are turning out next door.
Military sniper to take out a dictator The officer is a little alarmed when the sniper turns out to be a naked chicken. The chicken says Don’t worry, i was handpicked for this job.
Three brothers wanted to give their blind mom a birthday gift. Three brothers wanted to give their blind mom a birthday gift. The first got her a big beautiful house. The second got her a brand new luxury vehicle with a driver. The third got her a talking parrot to keep her company. When they all got together, they wanted to know which gift she liked best. She said they were all great but she thanked her third son because she liked the chicken dinner best.
My girlfriend doesn’t know this, but I put a dollar in an envelope every time we have sex. That’s all I’m spending on her for Christmas. So far she’s getting a McChicken.
A man walks into his room holding a chicken… A man walks into a room holding a chicken and sees his wife in bed. This is the pig I sleep with when your not feeling like it. His wife says, That’s a chicken, not a pig you idiot! The man looks at his chicken and says, See?
President Reagan and his wife were at a state dinner and the waiter asked her what she wanted for her entree. She said, I’ll have the chicken . The waiter asked, what about the vegetable? She replied, He’ll have the beef
Why did the chicken cross the road? 2 people chatting. Why did the chicken cross the road? Why? To get to the Idiots house Knock knock Who’s there? The chicken LISTEN UP YOU MOTHERF*
What’s the difference between erotic and kinky? It’s erotic if you use a feather, but it’s kinky if you use the whole chicken!
Why did the chicken cross the road To see the ugly man. Knock knock Who’s there? The chicken.
Which One Comes First I just Ordered A Chicken and an Egg off the internet, to see which one comes first…….. I’ll keep you posted.
Your wife and your lawyer are drowning, you have a decision to make…. Fish or chicken for dinner?
Teacher: Kids, Teacher: Kids, what does the chicken give you? Student: Meat! Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you? Student: Bacon! Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you? Student: Homework!
How do you sell a chicken to someone who is hard of hearing? HEY! DO YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN!?!?!
A ventriloquist decides to retire to and buy a farm. So this ventriloquist decided he is going to retire and buy a farm. He sees a farm for sale from an old widowed farmer. He meets the farmer and learns his name is farmer Brown. The farmer is showing him around and the ventriloquist decides he will have a little fun with the farmer. As they walk past the chicken coop the ventriloquist throws his voice. Farmer Brown you need to take are eggs earlier instead of letting us sit on them so long. The Farmer is clearly stunned as the ventriloquist chuckles to himself. Next they go by the cow pen. The ventriloquist throws his voice again and goes Farmer Brown you should warm up your hands before milking us. The Farmer is clearly unsettled. They start to go a little farther and Farmer Brown looks at the ventriloquist and goes. Don’t believe the sheep they are liars every last one of them….
Teacher and Student in class Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you? Student: Meat! Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you? Student: Bacon! Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you? Student: Homework,
Why do chicken coops have 2 doors? Because if they had 4 doors it would be chicken sedans.
What’s the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is when you use a feather, kinky is when you use the whole chicken
A chicken and an egg are laying in bed A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The chicken pulls out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, upset, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and says, I guess we answered that question!
Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you? Teacher: Kids,what does the chicken give you? Student: Meat! Teacher: Very good! Now what does the pig give you? Student: Bacon! Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you? Student: Homework!
Why did the chick cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did the chicken want to get to the other side? To get to the bar. Why did the chicken want to get to the bar? To get to the bathroom. Why did the chicken want to get to the bathroom? Cause that’s where all the cocks hang out!
A Funny Joke. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the side of the road. Why did the chicken get to other side of the road? To go to the bar. Why did the chicken go to the bar? To go to the toilet. Why did the chicken go to the toilet? Because it’s where all the cocks are at. Badumtsss.
Jack is one horny guy and is not sure…….. ………. what to do about it. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a five dollar bill. He walks down the street to the local brothel and knocks on the door. The madame opens the door and asks Jack what she can do for him. ‘I’m really horny, but I only have $5. What can you do for me?’ Jack asks the madam. She looks over this fellow and tells him, ‘Don’t worry. We can take care of you. No problem.’ She leads Jack into this room where in the opposite corner is a chicken. Jack thinks about this a second and figures it can’t be that bad. He gives the madam the $5 and she closes the door behind her. Jack undresses and has the time of his life. When he’s done he can’t remember when he had ever had such a pleasurable experience. One week later, and horny again, Jack has saved up $10. Being a satisfied customer he goes back to the same madame and asks what she can do for him for $10. ‘Well, for $10 we have a special show,’ the madame replies. She leads him into a different room where there are several other people sitting on benches. ‘Sit back and enjoy the show, Jack,’ she tells him. Jack gives the money to the madame and takes a seat on one of the benches. Soon after, the lights dim and the blinds open, revealing another room on the other side of a two-way mirror where two women begin to undress each other. Jack is very impressed. Clearly these women are unaware anyone is watching as they begin to make love to each other passionately. Apparently there is nothing they won’t do to each other. Jack once again feels like he is getting his money’s worth. He turns to the person beside him and says, ‘This is a pretty good show for ten bucks, eh?!’ The guy turns to Jack and says, ‘That’s nothing… last week we saw a guy screw a chicken!’
A man walks into a bar … And proceeds to order a beer. The bartender says, Sure, that’ll be 25 cents please . The man almost spits out his beer in shock. Wow, 25 cents! I’ll get some chicken wings too! The bartender replies, That’ll be 30 cents! Where is the owner , asks the man, I want to shake his hand! Upstairs with my sister , replies the barkeep. Huh, why? , asks the confused costumer. He’s doing to her, what I’m doing to his bar.
Einstein’s chauffeur. When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speech making. I have and idea, boss, his chauffeur said. I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you. Einstein laughed loudly and said, Why not? Let’s do it! When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur’s cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly. Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.
I work in the meat department and a customer asks me what is the difference between the Halal chicken and the regular chicken. I said Regular chicken lays eggs. Halal chicken lays hand grenades.
The willing farmer girl On a sunny Saturday afternoon, Jimmy, a young handsome farmer boy in his twenties, goes to the village a few minutes walking from the farm to get a bunch of supplies. He goes to the hardware shop, the DIY and the pet shop, and ends up with a bucket, a big can of red paint, a dozen of eggs, two chickens and a goose. He’s struggling outside the store to carry all his load, but eventually after some ordering and clumsy balancing he manages to get moving. After a minute, he encounters the amazing looking girl of the neighboring farm where he always had an eye on, but never really spoken to. She sees him doing real balancing-tricks with his supplies, and amused she starts talking. They start walking to their homes, chitchatting about everything. Jimmy is surprised that she really seems to like him. Halfway on the road they arrive at an intersection. The girl wants to take the left, but Jimmy insists: No, let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. It’s the shortest for both our farms, we’ll be there in no time! But the girl looks him over cautiously then said, Oh Jimmy, how could you! I am a lonely girl with no one around to defend me. How could I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me? Jimmy replies: Oh my god, miss! Remember I’m carrying a bucket, a big can of red paint, a dozen of eggs, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that? The girl immediately replies Put those eggs aside, turn the bucket upside down, put the goose inside it, put the big can of paint on top of the bucket so it won’t get away, and I’ll hold the chickens!
What did the egg say to the pan or boiling water? It’s gonna take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by a chicken.
Guess what? Chicken butt.
The Farmer and the Widow (Got forwarded this from a co-worker) A farmer stopped by the local mechanic’s shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far away and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feedstore and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had the problem of how to carry all of his purchases home. While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane? The farmer said, Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can’t carry this lot. The old lady suggested, Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand; put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand? Why thank you very much, he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time. The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me? The farmer said, Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that? The old lady replied, Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.
